(no subject)
hello livejournal i visit you every sunday to read post secret but i never write in you so i will now. I just read some of my old posts and they made me really sad. But i still feel what i said in them but then again i feel completely different. I kinda like NC i kinda don't. I think what makes me not like it is the fact that i seriously have no friends. I spend every weekend laying in my bed stalking facebook profiles it's such a waste of my life but i have nothing else to do in place of it. Maybe when it's warmer outside there will be more fun things to do but then again things are more fun when you actually have someone do do it with. I've never not had friends so i never knew what it was like not to have any and it sucks. There are people i thought i'd be able to come friends with but idk. like renate she seems cool but she's one of those girls that you can tell wants alll the attention and doesn't wanna share it and wants everyone to follow her. and i'm not like that and she noticed so that's why I think she doesn't invite me over when she has parties and stuff idk that's my spin on it. or why her and 2 other girls all had PLANNED matching outfits on today, I was like duude are you in elementary school still? idk maybe it's just me. On the flip side tho NC is cool. Everyone says when you go to college or move away you get to be whoever you want and i decided that i am still me seriously. I still do weird ass shit and everyone still laughs. I tried not to be my crazy self but it wasn't right, I decided i like who i am and i don't need to change that. epically to try and make new friends. If people don't want to accept me for who i am then fuck them not me. I know i still have friends back home that willl always have my back. I only need them. I'll just spend my weekends alone. anyway back to liking it. I like the area it's nice. I like my work. well Jen's side of it. I don't really like working for jayson it's weird and i feel like i do nothing right, I went out to dinner with Jen last night and we talked about stuff and we she totally agreed with me about jayson so I guess now he's just gonna stay out of what we do and let us do what we are good at. Jen said she wants me to branch out and take more challenges. She said you have this comfort zone and what you are good at you are really good at but it's so hard to get you to do something new. So she wants me to take a challenge and basically grab it by the horns. So we'll see how that goes. I want to learn new things i just am really scared of failure. I told Jen that and she said you have to fail sometimes but that's not what it will be this experience is here to help you and guide you and teach you. and I guess she's right, SHe understand that I am only 18, I've never had a job i've never lived away from home let alone 12 hours from home. It was really nice to hear that she understood all of that. and she said she was proud of all the work i was doing and she gave be props for moving and everything. idk it was nice to hear all of that.