(no subject)
Being completly honest I feel like within time I'm going to be forgotten at home. Not where nobody rememberes me but like I'm not around to have an effect on peoples lives at home anymore. Like with my family, I was never really one to be apart of everything we did. I didn't go to every hockey game or anything like that but now I can't. I don't even have the choice to and now that I can't I wish I had. And with my mom, leaving her was so hard. We became soo close this past year and that's saying a lot if you ever understood what our relationship was like the past couple of years. I miss my dad and him telling me every morning to have a good day, God Bless you and that me loves me. He texts it every morning but itt's really not the same. I being able to yell at mitchell and dawson and I even miss when my mom would make me take them places because we always got in a small conversation, I don't get to do that anymore. And now that I can't anymore, I don't want my family to forget those little things we would do. I think I miss home so much right now is because I have nothing to do down here. And I know that once I start going to school and working it will change but, that doesn't change what I'm feeling right now. I miss Chris soo much. I really only want the best for him and just thinking about our relationship and everything we'd have to overcome is just hard. I really miss my friends too. They can't just come over whenever they want anymore. and even tho some are away at college they were no more than an hour away. I'm 12 hours away. A whole day away basically. It sucks. I know this is an awesome opportunitly and all but right now it sucks. And I know it will grow on me, well, I'm praying for that. But idk. I am just gonna keep telling myself that everythings gonna be ok. Even tho I am not going to make any friends at least ones that I would hang out with outside of school. BLAAH.really it sucks. I'm all in Chris Hall and darcies and gwens busineess righr now I just want to feel like I'm apart of something. I don't want people to forget about me so I'm trying to stay involved but it makes me wanna come home. and at school i have to draw I suck at drawing nobody told me I'm gonna have to draw. idk what do do about that. I'm not even kidding that if I suck I will come home. I will. I hope I don't have to but then again I secretly hope I do. Don't tell anyone I said that LJ friends. I mean is that bad? Secretly wanting to fail so your family can include you in what their doing. and so you can hang out with the friends I've spent my whole life making and becoming close with? Or so I can spend time with my boyfriend? and be included in his activities? Like watch him play basketball this winter? I think i'm going to miss the snow. I miss my pets, my bed with the dent in it, my annoying adroable brohers, my grandma, my cats and dogs, my moms dinners. and so much more.I just hope that with time I'll miss it less, not in a bad way tho, Like a copeing way. Because at the rate I miss home right now...I'll pack my shit up and leave right now. But I have to try oh and I don't wanna be a dissapointment, I don't wanna come home and look back at what i missed out on, what I could have done with my life. But I don't want this to be a miserable 2 years either. It's so weird how I complained about home and how i wanted to get away BLah Blahhh but now that I am I want to come home.?! I've only been gone alittle more than 2 weeks?! what is going to happen to me, IDK. I hope it gets better but then again I'm hoping for the worst.