"I remember."
So, party with my Mom's side of the family today for my aunt's birthday. I've never been too fond of these people. I love my aunts and I love my grandmother and I love Uncle Kev, but I feel so pressured to impress everyone and act all mature and make sure their needs are met. Especially Kate and Bryan, they're the biggest pushovers ever and they have fits when they don't get their way.
And Jade. God, poor Jade... Bryan and Vanessa's daughter, so my first cousin once removed. She's 7 now. I hardly recognized her when I saw her, but when I showed up she was immediately saying, "Hi Kelsey! *waves* Wanna see the minnows we caught? I cut my hair. You did too!"
Not to mention, when I was sitting with Jade and talking to Vanessa while we were eating, she mentioned how she still had a picture that I drew for her of her holding Jade right after she was born. I was about nine then. So I said how I remembered when Jade was little, and how big she had gotten, and how I didn't even remember the last time I saw her.
"I do. I remember. I was five and we played with domino's at your grandma's house. Remember the dominos?"
"Oh, yeah, I remember the dominos, Jade."
I feel terrible for neglecting her just because I'm such an outcast in that family. They're all so... so mature. But at the same time, so depressed.
Let's be serious here. I was sitting on the swings with Jade, this adorable little 7 year old getting ready for her first day of second grade, with her curly blonde hair and freckled nose, and she was telling me stories. She was telling me stories about her cousins fighting, and "you know how teenagers are," and people breaking things and chasing their fathers with baseball bats, and "you know how parents drink a lot of beer, right?"
And then the worst was when she asked, "Did you hear me earlier saying that Nathan was at his grandma's?"
So I said that no, but I was wondering where her big brother Nathan was.
"Well you know how he's special needs and stuff? And how he's always saying that he wants to kill himself?"
I said yes, even though he's only ten and I had no idea that his problems had gotten that bad.
"Well we had to give him up to a special holding place with a big gate around it, and when we left he ran up to the gate crying and I had tears in my eyes and when my mom saw me she took her sunglasses off and started crying, and I was sad to leave Nathan but he's been in there for a few days and that's too long for him, but I know he needs to go so he can get better, but we're going to go and have a family meeting there in a few days and my Mommy is going to fight to get him back because he needs to know that we love him."
He's ten.
She's seven.
Baby Chase isn't even three yet.
Kate is pregnant and due in December, but I don't think she and Ricky will be good parents either.
I'm so happy that on the other side of the family, Riley has Beth and Justin, Madison has John, and Danny has Michelle and Jay. They're good parents. And they're going to be good kids.
And my ten year old cousin is suicidal and in a home for it. And his seven year old sister knows all about it and thinks that stuff like suicide and alcoholism and violence are just parts of life.
Oh my god.
And Jade. God, poor Jade... Bryan and Vanessa's daughter, so my first cousin once removed. She's 7 now. I hardly recognized her when I saw her, but when I showed up she was immediately saying, "Hi Kelsey! *waves* Wanna see the minnows we caught? I cut my hair. You did too!"
Not to mention, when I was sitting with Jade and talking to Vanessa while we were eating, she mentioned how she still had a picture that I drew for her of her holding Jade right after she was born. I was about nine then. So I said how I remembered when Jade was little, and how big she had gotten, and how I didn't even remember the last time I saw her.
"I do. I remember. I was five and we played with domino's at your grandma's house. Remember the dominos?"
"Oh, yeah, I remember the dominos, Jade."
I feel terrible for neglecting her just because I'm such an outcast in that family. They're all so... so mature. But at the same time, so depressed.
Let's be serious here. I was sitting on the swings with Jade, this adorable little 7 year old getting ready for her first day of second grade, with her curly blonde hair and freckled nose, and she was telling me stories. She was telling me stories about her cousins fighting, and "you know how teenagers are," and people breaking things and chasing their fathers with baseball bats, and "you know how parents drink a lot of beer, right?"
And then the worst was when she asked, "Did you hear me earlier saying that Nathan was at his grandma's?"
So I said that no, but I was wondering where her big brother Nathan was.
"Well you know how he's special needs and stuff? And how he's always saying that he wants to kill himself?"
I said yes, even though he's only ten and I had no idea that his problems had gotten that bad.
"Well we had to give him up to a special holding place with a big gate around it, and when we left he ran up to the gate crying and I had tears in my eyes and when my mom saw me she took her sunglasses off and started crying, and I was sad to leave Nathan but he's been in there for a few days and that's too long for him, but I know he needs to go so he can get better, but we're going to go and have a family meeting there in a few days and my Mommy is going to fight to get him back because he needs to know that we love him."
He's ten.
She's seven.
Baby Chase isn't even three yet.
Kate is pregnant and due in December, but I don't think she and Ricky will be good parents either.
I'm so happy that on the other side of the family, Riley has Beth and Justin, Madison has John, and Danny has Michelle and Jay. They're good parents. And they're going to be good kids.
And my ten year old cousin is suicidal and in a home for it. And his seven year old sister knows all about it and thinks that stuff like suicide and alcoholism and violence are just parts of life.
Oh my god.