HERE WE GOOOOO
hm.. i haven't posted in awhile. I've had kind of a crazy week but maybe in a good sence.
Well, as you may or may not know.. drugs had become a problem for me so I got sober through the NA program. (narcotics anonymous) I was going to meetings and being open minded and staying sober and then on day 70 i relapsed and relapsed again for the next seven days. I knew I shouldn't have been using but I figured it was summer and I had no responsibilities that it could be fun. I went to a meeting even when I was still using just trying to find something and I don't know what it was but I was at a meeting on wednesday night that I really like going to and it kind of just clicked that I need to step it up and cut this shit out again. I was told a lot of really helpful things and the one thing that stuck in my head was "Think about it, when was the last time you have been sober for 70 days straight? You should be proud you got that many. And when you fall off the horse you gotta get back on" So that's what I did. I realize that everyone makes mistakes and nobody's perfect. and some might be worse than others but I know I want to stay sober for myself and using again isn't something that makes me happy. THEN yesterday I switched my medication for my insomnia because I became immune to the one I was taking before. I switched to Lunesta which instead of putting me to sleep made me feel like i was on speed and kept me up all night all ansy and shit. I cleaned out my entire room and organized all this shit and only slept for about 30 minutes. I felt like shit all today and couldn't sleep and couldn't eat and my body just hurt. I tried hanging out with Winter but I just felt terrible. I got this sudden urge to use. I figured that I only had a couple clean days why would it matter if I just pushed it out one more. So while walking back to the car to get the pills (which idiodically enough I had on me) me and winter were being really immature and pretending she had tourettes and were laughing a lot and by the time we got in the car i didn't want to use anymore. It was really good realizing that I just need to find something else that makes me happy, to full that whole, instead of drugs when I do want to use. I still felt like shit though so finally, I went home and fell asleep around 6 slept till 9 and now I feel soooo much better now. I dunno I guess I feel like God has just been testing me to help open my eyes and that everything happens for a reason because now that I relapsed I really am going to work the program and I got a 12 step book and I'm looking for a sponser and going to meetings regularly and I'm just going to keep on keepin on and stay sober because I know I feel so much better in every aspect when I don't use.
Well, as you may or may not know.. drugs had become a problem for me so I got sober through the NA program. (narcotics anonymous) I was going to meetings and being open minded and staying sober and then on day 70 i relapsed and relapsed again for the next seven days. I knew I shouldn't have been using but I figured it was summer and I had no responsibilities that it could be fun. I went to a meeting even when I was still using just trying to find something and I don't know what it was but I was at a meeting on wednesday night that I really like going to and it kind of just clicked that I need to step it up and cut this shit out again. I was told a lot of really helpful things and the one thing that stuck in my head was "Think about it, when was the last time you have been sober for 70 days straight? You should be proud you got that many. And when you fall off the horse you gotta get back on" So that's what I did. I realize that everyone makes mistakes and nobody's perfect. and some might be worse than others but I know I want to stay sober for myself and using again isn't something that makes me happy. THEN yesterday I switched my medication for my insomnia because I became immune to the one I was taking before. I switched to Lunesta which instead of putting me to sleep made me feel like i was on speed and kept me up all night all ansy and shit. I cleaned out my entire room and organized all this shit and only slept for about 30 minutes. I felt like shit all today and couldn't sleep and couldn't eat and my body just hurt. I tried hanging out with Winter but I just felt terrible. I got this sudden urge to use. I figured that I only had a couple clean days why would it matter if I just pushed it out one more. So while walking back to the car to get the pills (which idiodically enough I had on me) me and winter were being really immature and pretending she had tourettes and were laughing a lot and by the time we got in the car i didn't want to use anymore. It was really good realizing that I just need to find something else that makes me happy, to full that whole, instead of drugs when I do want to use. I still felt like shit though so finally, I went home and fell asleep around 6 slept till 9 and now I feel soooo much better now. I dunno I guess I feel like God has just been testing me to help open my eyes and that everything happens for a reason because now that I relapsed I really am going to work the program and I got a 12 step book and I'm looking for a sponser and going to meetings regularly and I'm just going to keep on keepin on and stay sober because I know I feel so much better in every aspect when I don't use.