This is long over due
I haven't really posted lately, mostly because everyone seems to have disappeared and i'm just so disappointed with myself. I thought everything was ok and things were finally looking up... But now i'm not so sure.
I had a conversation with that guy, the guy that's always in these posts and he said "so i want to be with you do you want to be with me?" and of course i said yes and his reply was "well lets start working towards that then". Well i guess we were working towards it, hanging out a lot, talking every day, then we started progressing holding hands when he would walk me home and kiss... Then things got really, i donno what to call it, "progressed" one night and i ended up breaking the promise to myself, that it wouldn't come to this unless we were together. We ended up having sex, instantly i felt stupid for being in the heat of the moment, then it happened again the next night and now i haven't really talked to him since. I feel so stupid. I just want to break down and cry with everything that happened just days ago. What hurts the most is that i'm just one big secret, its like he's ashamed to be with me or for people to know that we have whatever we have going on. I feel my heart breaking each moment. I hate myself even more then i normally do and the worst part is no body knows about it i can't talk to anyone about any of this, i feel so alone. It's so hard not to just break down and cry.
I need help to stay strong, but help is no where to be found..
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