(no subject)
"Yeah. If you love him, you would."
"Ya. I think I do."
"Think?"
"How do you even know."
"That's a hard one. Everyone always says, "you just know", but I wasn't sure about that. For me, it was the complete trust, and the way I felt like I was gonna burst happiness everywhere just watching a movie :P . I think there's different levels of "in love", too. Like, after we said I love you for the first time, I [knew I] loved him, but I wasn't sure about in love. To me, that's a big difference. Like I said, I knew I loved him, and I'm not totally sure when or why it switched to knowing I was in love with him. Right now, I know I did (do) because of the way my heart pounded/pounds when I think about him. Enjoy that fucking paragraph, and take it with a grain of salt. I think it's different for everyone, and there's no textbook, or right answer about it.
"My god you're good. Could write a book"
The huge paragraph I sent bbm'd to my best friend when she was wondering about her relationship with her boyfriend, and, well, as you see above, how you know if you're in love. After, she also said "That's perfect. That's exactly what I wanted/needed to hear..." Which made me happy. I'm glad to could help her. But it kinda sent me back into a downward spin. I'm tryyyyying to move on, I really am. It's just hard :/
Last night I couldn't sleep until 3 AM thinking about it all. I was at my auntie's, and I couldn't get internet to work, so I typed out a huge long thing on my blackberry. I'm thinking about transferring it to here, but I don't know if I want anyone to read it. It's really, really intense. And there's things I wrote in there that I even have trouble admitting to myself. We'll see if it makes it on here, or not.
I'm sick sick sick. I sound like a man, and I can't sing :( pooo. I love singing haha.
Things Adam told me today:
"You are riveting."
"You keep me interested."
Okay, there's only two, but still. I kinda hate myself for it, but I fucking looved hearing that. I don't hear that shit anymore, and it seems like I'm to the point where I'll take it wherever I can get it. Even when I know I shouldn't :(
I like the kid, I just don't liiiiike-like him. Fudgecakes.
She's
He's a brick and I'm drowning slowly.