All people want is someone to listen.
I just...I don't quite know what to do. I feel like my chest is caving in from me keeping everything locked up inside of me for so damn long. I could just break down any time. There's going to be that one thing that just pushes the wrong damn button and I'm going to go just like that. One thing that hasn't helped lately is me getting my hopes up why too far. I thought Brittney was actually going to start being the friend she used to be,before all of this drama shit. I got to spend the weekend at her house,she'd been having some tuff times after what happened with her and her boyfriend(Caleb). I actually thought she wouldn't go back with him,it was just terrible what he did. Then some kid who was a friend of Caleb's gave her Caleb's new number so that they could talk. Well, they talked,and they talked. Now their back together! What the fuck! I'm so not feeling sorry for her the next time he fucks everything up and hurts her. I really don't know of any advice to give her anyways because I've never actually had a damn relationship(and probably never will). I freaking give up. Now she is spending all of her damn time with him,she never even takes a few minutes to call me anymore. Why the hell do I think people can actually change? I guess I'm just that damn gulible(sp?) aren't I? I thought she was going to be that person I could talk to about bad shit in my life again. She's changing already. She's becoming stuck up Caleb's ass once again. Yet when she asks if it seems like she picks him over her friends I always tell her no because I'm not the sort of person to just tell the truth,to say that it is hurting me that everyone has someone else, while I have to hang on to everyone and everything I can find for fear of being left behind. Which eventually I know I will be.Everyone else has a future,I'm just going to be stuck in this damn town that I hate with the damn people I hate. Maybe there is someone out there for me, but if I never get out of here,I'll never know. And I'm so afraid that this is all I'll ever have,that it won't get better...
Sorry for all of the ramblingness, it's just when you have absolutely no one to talk to you have to take what you've got. And right now,this is all I have. I fear that if I don't at least write down what I feel in this so that a bit of it is out,something bad is going to happen...and it won't be a pretty picture.
love,
me