Anyone else wanna kick me in the face??
My Grandfather passed away yesterday. I think I had updated before that he was sick. Well, he passed yesterday. The family says it was peaceful and he was home and comfortable. He didn't suffer. I mean, its not like we were close to each other or anything like that. I didn't even think he was a good man. It still does not cover up the fact that he was still my Grandfather, my dad's father. My sister is going to be out of town so I will have to attend the services alone. This is just really tough for me because its hard to put all of the anger and hurt I feel for his family on hold to grieve the loss of a man who was not exactly a great person, especially not to my family. My dad's family put us (my family) through hell. Just me being a a christian I do forgive them for all that was done. I will never forget it though. When I found out he had passed it brought back a lot of feelings inside of me I never wanted to feel again. It brought back all of the hurt, hate, and anger I felt for the way we were treated with my dads illness and death. I wanted to bury all those feeling with my father and never open myself up again to feel the way I felt that day we put him in the ground. Now here I am basically feeding myself to the wolves because my father would have wanted me to be there. Even if its not to mourn but rather close a really long chapter in my book. Its for me to finally get some kind of closure and peace with the whole terrible ordeal. Its not going to be easy to do alone though. I am going to have to dig deep to find the strength to get through these next few days. I loved my father with everything I had inside of me. He was my hero, my friend, my daddy. Not having him in my life has been so hard, and I always feel like I have something missing. I am doing this for him. I am taking all the pain I have felt over the years because of the way his family treated me and going to the funeral with my head up for my dad. I may not shed a single tear the whole time I am there, but I am going to be strong and be the better person. Something his family never was and will never be.