Twilight, the Movie
In my effort to buy my child's affection keep M happy, I fulfilled a promise to her that, so long as she has no tests tomorrow -er, later today - I'd take her to the midnight show of Twilight. Which was sold out, so I took her to the 12:05 show instead.
I have not yet read the books (I know!), but here is what I have to say in my hastily-formed opinions of all things Bella, Edward, and Jacob. Oh heck - and Jasper and Alice and whatever the rest of the Cullen family's names are, too. My thoughts, in a listy-list:
1. This is a Very Pretty Movie. Pretty locations, nicely-shot scenes (mostly), and pretty, pretty people. Especially the vampires. Not that there seems to have been a rule that only pretty people get to be invited to the vampire squad; I'm just sayin'. Prettiness extended to the music.
2. At least in the movie, the characters are all pretty much one-dimensional. They skim across the surface well, but I'd be hard-pressed to pick one that's particularly deep, although Dr. Cullen comes closest. I understand there's a lot of internal monologue in the books, so perhaps that would make Bella "deep" to me, but I found her inexplicable. And since most of the actual, non-awkward conversations she had with Edward were presented in montage format, and only peculiar ones were featured (which I will irreverently sum up as "I hate you, I hate you, I love you" and/or "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" and/or "I am seriously conflicted, and cannot decide whether to kiss you or eat you" and/or "I am seriously stupid for not being scared of you even when you are explaining why you are scary, complete with creepy demo. I like the undead").
3. Did I mention that Bella's character and her motivations are nonsensical, by which I mean "they make no sense"? Did I mention that Edward comes of as particularly conflicted and awkward? I did? Did I mention that all of that is readily forgiven based on what appeared to be steamy chemistry? It's like porn for teenagers: nobody gets nakey, but oh the swooning romanticism of it all.
4. Evidently, single women in their 20s, 30s and 40s are still teenagers at heart, based on the number of said specimens who arrived sans actual teens, wearing homemade or store-bought Twilight kit (My favorite? This ambiguous phrase written in silver glitter paint on the back of a black T-shirt: "Hey Edward! Bite me!")
5. The major fight scene in the film was awesome as pertains to Bella's involvement, and frankly silly at points as pertains to Edward and James. To say nothing of the silliness that follows between Edward and Bella, which caused even the die-hard book fans in the audience to giggle. Not in the "ooh! I know what he/she's thinking" way, but in the "that looks plain silly" way.
6. There was a vast amount of giggling, sighing and squeeing during the film. Book fans knew what was going on in places where the rest of the viewing world (possibly just me, I acknowledge) were at a loss. Having read (and re-read and re-read) the book, as most of them appeared to have done (heck, M's read it at least 5 times), they knew what was the what in places where I was all "whah?" Fortunately, I had M if things got too perplexing. Although the movie has lots of scenes not in the book, and vice-versa.
7. There were shouts of glee when viewers spotted Stephenie Meyer in a diner scene. Seriously.
8. I really liked Dr. Cullen, played by Peter Facinelli. And not just because he was the vampire frozen at a point in life closest to my actual age, so I didn't have to feel vaguely pervy about being into him. His character had some obvious complexity: a vampire who opts to be a doctor and work around blood is inherently deep. To say nothing of his statements and actions and general nobility. Emmett was funny, his girlfriend (name escapes me) was saucy, Alice was adorable, and Jasper was hilarious. Probably inadvertently. But he looked kinda like Christopher Lloyd's scientist in Back to the Future when he was all weirded out. Not catatonic, just kinda shell-shocked. Hilarious. James was creepy (mostly due to black irises and intensely serious looks and scowls). Victoria was actually scary. Jacob was cute and seemed nice enough, but not in it much.
9. Despite being in a sold-out (or nearly so) theatre full of hardcore fans on opening night, there was no applause or general acclamation at the end of the movie. Not that such a thing is a given, really, but it's not unheard of around here. I'll be interested to read fan reviews over the coming weekend.
10. My kiddos were right: Twilight is not really a vampire novel. It's a romance novel, with vampires. And heck, I'd actually see it again, based on points 1 & the second bit of 3.
I have not yet read the books (I know!), but here is what I have to say in my hastily-formed opinions of all things Bella, Edward, and Jacob. Oh heck - and Jasper and Alice and whatever the rest of the Cullen family's names are, too. My thoughts, in a listy-list:
1. This is a Very Pretty Movie. Pretty locations, nicely-shot scenes (mostly), and pretty, pretty people. Especially the vampires. Not that there seems to have been a rule that only pretty people get to be invited to the vampire squad; I'm just sayin'. Prettiness extended to the music.
2. At least in the movie, the characters are all pretty much one-dimensional. They skim across the surface well, but I'd be hard-pressed to pick one that's particularly deep, although Dr. Cullen comes closest. I understand there's a lot of internal monologue in the books, so perhaps that would make Bella "deep" to me, but I found her inexplicable. And since most of the actual, non-awkward conversations she had with Edward were presented in montage format, and only peculiar ones were featured (which I will irreverently sum up as "I hate you, I hate you, I love you" and/or "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" and/or "I am seriously conflicted, and cannot decide whether to kiss you or eat you" and/or "I am seriously stupid for not being scared of you even when you are explaining why you are scary, complete with creepy demo. I like the undead").
3. Did I mention that Bella's character and her motivations are nonsensical, by which I mean "they make no sense"? Did I mention that Edward comes of as particularly conflicted and awkward? I did? Did I mention that all of that is readily forgiven based on what appeared to be steamy chemistry? It's like porn for teenagers: nobody gets nakey, but oh the swooning romanticism of it all.
4. Evidently, single women in their 20s, 30s and 40s are still teenagers at heart, based on the number of said specimens who arrived sans actual teens, wearing homemade or store-bought Twilight kit (My favorite? This ambiguous phrase written in silver glitter paint on the back of a black T-shirt: "Hey Edward! Bite me!")
5. The major fight scene in the film was awesome as pertains to Bella's involvement, and frankly silly at points as pertains to Edward and James. To say nothing of the silliness that follows between Edward and Bella, which caused even the die-hard book fans in the audience to giggle. Not in the "ooh! I know what he/she's thinking" way, but in the "that looks plain silly" way.
6. There was a vast amount of giggling, sighing and squeeing during the film. Book fans knew what was going on in places where the rest of the viewing world (possibly just me, I acknowledge) were at a loss. Having read (and re-read and re-read) the book, as most of them appeared to have done (heck, M's read it at least 5 times), they knew what was the what in places where I was all "whah?" Fortunately, I had M if things got too perplexing. Although the movie has lots of scenes not in the book, and vice-versa.
7. There were shouts of glee when viewers spotted Stephenie Meyer in a diner scene. Seriously.
8. I really liked Dr. Cullen, played by Peter Facinelli. And not just because he was the vampire frozen at a point in life closest to my actual age, so I didn't have to feel vaguely pervy about being into him. His character had some obvious complexity: a vampire who opts to be a doctor and work around blood is inherently deep. To say nothing of his statements and actions and general nobility. Emmett was funny, his girlfriend (name escapes me) was saucy, Alice was adorable, and Jasper was hilarious. Probably inadvertently. But he looked kinda like Christopher Lloyd's scientist in Back to the Future when he was all weirded out. Not catatonic, just kinda shell-shocked. Hilarious. James was creepy (mostly due to black irises and intensely serious looks and scowls). Victoria was actually scary. Jacob was cute and seemed nice enough, but not in it much.
9. Despite being in a sold-out (or nearly so) theatre full of hardcore fans on opening night, there was no applause or general acclamation at the end of the movie. Not that such a thing is a given, really, but it's not unheard of around here. I'll be interested to read fan reviews over the coming weekend.
10. My kiddos were right: Twilight is not really a vampire novel. It's a romance novel, with vampires. And heck, I'd actually see it again, based on points 1 & the second bit of 3.