Understand or at least try if you care about me.........
I sit here in my new office, waiting for my study group to get here to study for yet another test in the Nursing Program. I am surrounded by small tokens of memories in my life. A few things, like my gavel from Policy Council and the Coyote Ridge "Parents that make a Difference" pin I was awarded last year, that should help remind me that I once was a good mom but, I don't always feel that way. Since I started in the Nursing Program I have felt less to nothing of a mom to my three wonderful kids. I have spent many nights and trips to the school bathrooms, hospital stair cases, and any corner I could hide in, crying my eyes out over the loss of time spent with my kids that I experiencing. I feel a deep aching pain in my chest everytime I hear that something with my kids, important didn't get done; everytime I happen to come across a special events or field trip notice that I can't attend with them or that the date has already passed; everytime my kids ask me to volunteer in their classrooms and I have to tell them "I'm sorry, I can't."
I had made a promise to myself that I would attend each of my kids' Kindergarten field trips and I failed to be able to go with Bella. My heart is dying inside. I miss my kids terribly!
I can't even begin to explain how I feel other than, it's the worse feeling I think I have ever felt.
And then I have those people in my life who remind me when I am less than good enough. "Don't you know that you are kicking a person who is already down!"
So, for everyone who knows me, Please, I am begging you. If you don't understand, at least try to! Don't kick me when I'm down!
I am an open book to most everyone I know. So, when I say something, Believe me! Because, I lay it all out!
And if you don't believe me, then you really don't know me at all!
But, If you even care about me alittle, you'll try to understand..................