Things that I regret.
This has been the most emotional weekend I think my roomate and I have ever had together. Or not together. But I digress.
Annette and I started out driving to Kzoo, for the big Central/Western blowout. We were in the best of moods, extremely hyper and happy, having an amazing drive. We thought we saw Josh Osborn in a truck ahead of us on the expressway. We tried to catch up to the truck to confirm our suspicions, but instead we passed a cop going 85mph. Damn. So Annette got a ticket (for 5 over) and it totally killed the mood. But we drove on, and found April and Megs' apartment pretty easily. We hung out with April and Dan for awhile, waiting for Megs and Nate to get home, and when they did, we looked at the senior pics that Meg had taken earlier that afternoon, and we split up again, Annette, April and myself going to Jimmie Johns for dinner while the rest went to pick up the photo prints at Meijer. When we got back, Nate and Megan were hard at work making us some crab ragoons. Just as they were getting done, Mike Miller showed up, and he shared in our ragoons and jello shots, both of which were delightful. We then indulged in a porn marathon, while Annette and I dyed Megs' hair. And ANNIE SHOWED UP to surprise us!!! It was amazing!! And eventually, Mike left, we finished dying Megs' hair, we watched The Longest Yard instead of porn, and we started getting tired. Annette wasn't feeling well, and fell asleep cuddled up next to me (awe. it was cute.) and soon after, I fell asleep for a few minutes. Then April got home from the fraternity party she had been at, and we all woke up again...and I never got back to sleep after that, because Eric called me, and we had a pretty intense conversation.
Ok. I'm just gonna come right out and be honest with everyone else, because as long as the people immediately involved are informed, why should it matter if everyone else knows? I cheated on Eric. I've never done that before...and I've never felt so guilty about anything in my life. Now, I can try to justify my actions; saying that Eric and I weren't technically together a month ago when it happened. But we've been together since then, and I lied about it on more than one occasion. And it was with one of his friends. And this weekend, though he knew immediately after it happened, he decided to call me out on it. So, after lying a couple of times about it, I came clean and told him the complete and honest truth, and he said that we were done. I was crushed. Started bawling while he was off the phone line, calling the guilty friend to see if he'd confess. He called back and I continued crying, and finally, he asked to talk to Annette. She convinced him to consider staying with me. He did. He considered it. He told me that if I could find a way back to Mt. Pleasant by 2:00 the next day, we'd work it out. So I started calling everyone I could think of to get a ride home (this was difficult, because anyone IN Kzoo was staying until the game, which started at, you guessed it, 2:00). I finally ended up getting a ride with Annette's friend Amanda (who was in Mt. Pleasant and had to come pick me up) for fifty bucks. Insane. And I didn't make it home by 2. We got to his house at about 2:30, and thankfully he was still there. So I told him I'd be back after I got some funds to pay Amanda, and I went over there. We didn't really talk; we took a nap together, then had a short talk, then he decided he was going to take a shower and get ready to do something. So he said he'd get a hold of me later. He got a hold of me later. We met up at Bdubs and talked a lot about the situation, and hung out with his friends and ended up deciding to go to the strip club that he used to dj at, "Deja Vu", in Saginaw.
What an experience. "You embarassed me and so I embarassed you," were the words he said later on that night, and boy was he right. He had it arranged for me to end up on stage with one of the strippers (who was BUCKASS NAKED, just so we're all getting the visual) and she exposed my titties for the whole place to see. So that was fun. But whatever. I didn't know anyone there but him, and if it makes him feel better about things, then so be it. Life is pretty fucked up. Like, I've never felt worse about anything in my entire life. And I can't take it back. And nothing I do will ever make him forget it and trust me the way that he should be able to trust me. I know that even though we might still be together right now, he's going to hold it against me until he can't stand me anymore and then shit will hit the fan and we will be done and probably never talk again. Things that scare me. Because even though I haven't wanted to admit it, I've fallen for him a little bit. Or more than a little bit. And I will be very sad when he realizes that I am not worth his forgiveness.
Annette and I started out driving to Kzoo, for the big Central/Western blowout. We were in the best of moods, extremely hyper and happy, having an amazing drive. We thought we saw Josh Osborn in a truck ahead of us on the expressway. We tried to catch up to the truck to confirm our suspicions, but instead we passed a cop going 85mph. Damn. So Annette got a ticket (for 5 over) and it totally killed the mood. But we drove on, and found April and Megs' apartment pretty easily. We hung out with April and Dan for awhile, waiting for Megs and Nate to get home, and when they did, we looked at the senior pics that Meg had taken earlier that afternoon, and we split up again, Annette, April and myself going to Jimmie Johns for dinner while the rest went to pick up the photo prints at Meijer. When we got back, Nate and Megan were hard at work making us some crab ragoons. Just as they were getting done, Mike Miller showed up, and he shared in our ragoons and jello shots, both of which were delightful. We then indulged in a porn marathon, while Annette and I dyed Megs' hair. And ANNIE SHOWED UP to surprise us!!! It was amazing!! And eventually, Mike left, we finished dying Megs' hair, we watched The Longest Yard instead of porn, and we started getting tired. Annette wasn't feeling well, and fell asleep cuddled up next to me (awe. it was cute.) and soon after, I fell asleep for a few minutes. Then April got home from the fraternity party she had been at, and we all woke up again...and I never got back to sleep after that, because Eric called me, and we had a pretty intense conversation.
Ok. I'm just gonna come right out and be honest with everyone else, because as long as the people immediately involved are informed, why should it matter if everyone else knows? I cheated on Eric. I've never done that before...and I've never felt so guilty about anything in my life. Now, I can try to justify my actions; saying that Eric and I weren't technically together a month ago when it happened. But we've been together since then, and I lied about it on more than one occasion. And it was with one of his friends. And this weekend, though he knew immediately after it happened, he decided to call me out on it. So, after lying a couple of times about it, I came clean and told him the complete and honest truth, and he said that we were done. I was crushed. Started bawling while he was off the phone line, calling the guilty friend to see if he'd confess. He called back and I continued crying, and finally, he asked to talk to Annette. She convinced him to consider staying with me. He did. He considered it. He told me that if I could find a way back to Mt. Pleasant by 2:00 the next day, we'd work it out. So I started calling everyone I could think of to get a ride home (this was difficult, because anyone IN Kzoo was staying until the game, which started at, you guessed it, 2:00). I finally ended up getting a ride with Annette's friend Amanda (who was in Mt. Pleasant and had to come pick me up) for fifty bucks. Insane. And I didn't make it home by 2. We got to his house at about 2:30, and thankfully he was still there. So I told him I'd be back after I got some funds to pay Amanda, and I went over there. We didn't really talk; we took a nap together, then had a short talk, then he decided he was going to take a shower and get ready to do something. So he said he'd get a hold of me later. He got a hold of me later. We met up at Bdubs and talked a lot about the situation, and hung out with his friends and ended up deciding to go to the strip club that he used to dj at, "Deja Vu", in Saginaw.
What an experience. "You embarassed me and so I embarassed you," were the words he said later on that night, and boy was he right. He had it arranged for me to end up on stage with one of the strippers (who was BUCKASS NAKED, just so we're all getting the visual) and she exposed my titties for the whole place to see. So that was fun. But whatever. I didn't know anyone there but him, and if it makes him feel better about things, then so be it. Life is pretty fucked up. Like, I've never felt worse about anything in my entire life. And I can't take it back. And nothing I do will ever make him forget it and trust me the way that he should be able to trust me. I know that even though we might still be together right now, he's going to hold it against me until he can't stand me anymore and then shit will hit the fan and we will be done and probably never talk again. Things that scare me. Because even though I haven't wanted to admit it, I've fallen for him a little bit. Or more than a little bit. And I will be very sad when he realizes that I am not worth his forgiveness.