(no subject)
It seems like when we're children, we never want to grow up to lead ordinary lives. Why would we? You see a choice between being stuck in a suit behind a desk and being a superhero on the telly, and really, it's doesn't take a genius to see which is more appealing to a child. It's interesting to me that I always tended to want more when I was growing up, I wanted life to be more exciting and adventurous, I wanted fairy tales and exhilerating twists, and I got a whirlwind of a life, but as I've gotten older, the desire for adventure has diminished a bit. I act for a living, which is never very standard, but I've fallen into a fairly normal lifestyle without even realising it, and I don't feel like resisting it. I stay in London pretty primarily because I haven't had a lengthy project that's taken me far from home for awhile, and my days aren't strenuous or long because of the things I've been working on. I get up in the morning, have my coffee and stare out the window for a bit while my mind wakes up, I head to work, I come home in the evening or night and make dinner, cuddle with my cat, watch some telly or read a book or talk on the phone to a friend, and go to bed. I do sparse grocery shopping on days off, I sit at the park when it's not too cold and the sun might show itself and busy myself in reading or writing or working on lines, I go out on weekends sometimes with friends or cast mates and have a good time. I stepped back a couple weeks ago and noticed how very bland and ordinary my life has gotten, but I'm not so upset about that. I think for awhile I was even jealous of those with drama in their lives, and then I had a bit of my own and it scared me off. It seems like the price of an exciting life is too costly these days and I'd rather not partake in what I've been seeing around me. I would resent it if anyone tried to tell me I couldn't be happy long like this because I think the only kind of people who might say that are those who can't slow down long enough to obtain happiness themselves. I like slow and I am quite happy with ordinary. We aren't without desires and I'm not saying that I am, but if given the choice between constant turmoil and a handful of days spent with no signs of adventure, I'm pretty confident in where my decision would fall.
Maybe a main difference is I'm being more realistic with myself. That whole problem between "this is what I want" and "this is what I can have" has always befuddled me a little, but it's not so hard to keep things in perspective, I've found, and I'm really okay with the "things I can have" category lately. It's not about throwing in the towel on dreams of intrigue and adventure, it's more about realising that things can be equally nice just sitting at home in an easy chair, listening to the rain against my windows, doing nothing in particular exciting. I'm really not a terribly exiciting person, despite what some have tried to get out of me, and this seems to suit me.
I'm turning 29 in...8 days and again I'm struck at just how different life has turned out for me from what I expected and wanted when I was younger. Sometimes I wonder if that happens to everyone. To a degree it must, because I can't imagine someone living a life that's completely fulfilling their expectations. I really never thought I'd be in this business, despite what I'd dreamed; my expectations were that I'd more than likely be a waitress with a family in Scotland or sommat. It's crazy sometimes when I think of how life turned out. How it's turning out. I hate saying things in a past tense like "how life turned out" as I'm not even 30 yet and life can change in the blink of an eye. I keep blinking and I'm surprisingly happy with finding very little change.
Maybe a main difference is I'm being more realistic with myself. That whole problem between "this is what I want" and "this is what I can have" has always befuddled me a little, but it's not so hard to keep things in perspective, I've found, and I'm really okay with the "things I can have" category lately. It's not about throwing in the towel on dreams of intrigue and adventure, it's more about realising that things can be equally nice just sitting at home in an easy chair, listening to the rain against my windows, doing nothing in particular exciting. I'm really not a terribly exiciting person, despite what some have tried to get out of me, and this seems to suit me.
I'm turning 29 in...8 days and again I'm struck at just how different life has turned out for me from what I expected and wanted when I was younger. Sometimes I wonder if that happens to everyone. To a degree it must, because I can't imagine someone living a life that's completely fulfilling their expectations. I really never thought I'd be in this business, despite what I'd dreamed; my expectations were that I'd more than likely be a waitress with a family in Scotland or sommat. It's crazy sometimes when I think of how life turned out. How it's turning out. I hate saying things in a past tense like "how life turned out" as I'm not even 30 yet and life can change in the blink of an eye. I keep blinking and I'm surprisingly happy with finding very little change.