(no subject)

[kelly0930]

so i guess since i was little my life has always been a little bit rough. i mean.. ive always been the kind of person to believe.."well yeah someone in the world has it a whole hell of a lot worse than me so shut up and get over it Kelly". you know? ive always been different from everyone my age.. ive always been self concious.[for gosh sakes i insisted on showering by myself at 2 and a half just because i didnt want anyone to see me naked.kind of sad.i guess] i have always been the one to wear the clothes and hairstyle and what not that weren't "cool" untill say, 2 or 3 years later? or maybe even never ended up being "cool" but i absolutly loved them.with our family having so many medical issues.. you know with dad being diabetic and it being really bad a few years ago and with mom and her fibra mialgea and cronic fatigue syndrome and sleep apnia and all of her other many many many things and with Lindy[dads adopted son from first marriage 28 or 29]living with us still and probably for the rest of his life due to him being epileptic and bi polar and having seizures and being what i would call "socially retarded", and with my migranes and all of Nates[my brother]crap.. medical bills and what not arent cheap and never have been. so weve never really been able to afford a whole lot of cds and what not.. or to go to the cool hang outs or big vacations..[not that we needed any of it] i have always been one to get along with everyone.. but kind of got talked about behind my back because i was different or i was a little chunky or whatever. i didnt have very many friends when i was little and the ones i did tortured me by doing things such as beating me, making me smoke or do other discusting things. kill baby birds or light boxes on fire in the alleys until the police came and we got in trouble. if you are a close enough friend to me.. you probably know some of the other discusting things i went through when i was younger. its been rough. but ive remained strong about it all. sometimes i dont even understand how strong i am.. or how i do it. it just amazes me. i am an emotionally strong person. and i am often mistaken to be much older than i actually am. i dont hang out with anyone my age except a very very few select people. which at school can most deffinetly cause problems with your emotions sometimes. i mean.. walking down the hallways alone isnt a whole lot of fun. i mean, sure i get to go home and have a good evening talking to my friends from different parts of the state/country on the computer and what not. but i still have to deal with all of the dumb kids at school who only talk to me AT SCHOOL. its hard to tell if they really care about you or if they are really your friend and what not when they make no effort to talk to you or spend time with you outside of school and barely even at school. it almost feels as if they just talk to me for friend numbers or for popularity at school.. or to be able to say "i talk to the most unique/outgoing person in my school! im so RAD!" its BS. ha, anymore it almost seems as if people just come to me for help on their myspace.. or for advice.which i mean.. i have no problem with. i LOVE helping people. it makes me feel good regardless of how i am helping them.i just kind of feel like im getting used you know?. i hate being used.i hate being taken advantage of. i hate it all. i have realized that i let people walk all over me and i cant seem to find it in my huge heart to retaliate to what they have done to me in any way other than to just let it all slide. while for a while i can let it go. but it kind of just sits in the back of my head until i get upset about something small.. or start to think..and cant stop and everything starts eating away at me..[much like whats going on right now]right now im having some sort of a break down.. [first in a really really really long time but ill be fine. i am strong]so i guess im just going to start listing off things about me.. things im sick of.. things you all need to know.

about me.

my name is Kelly.

i am a vegan.

i am straight edge.

i dont lie.

i am BLESSED with really bad migranes.

i am a strong person most the time.

i love animals.

i love music and shows.

i love traveling.

i love pictures.

i am not a whore.

i love everyone.

im not hateful.

ive almost always been single.

ive had big relationships but finalization didnt matter.

i wont try to steal your bf [im not like that at all]

i live my life with no regrets.

i live my life in the present but sometimes have a hard time completely letting go of the past[but who doesnt]

i can tell the difference between want and need.

i am a very gentle or kind hearted person.

i love hugs and cuddleing with friends/loved ones.

i love to be able to enjoy myself.

i am pretty careless.

dislikes.

haters.

people that judge before they know.

rumors.

drama.

fights/fighting.

sellouts.

i hate that i cant be mean to people when they deserve it.

SAD SECTION.-

Ever really cried your heart out?: with good reason
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: mhm
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: yes. thanks guys :]
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: yeah. more BECAUSE of the opposite sex though.
Do you cry when you get an injury?: not really. havent in a while
Do certain songs make you cry?: mhmm

HAPPY SECTION.-

Are you a happy person?: pretty much
What can make you happy?: my friends. music. animals.

Do you wish you were happier?: today.. yes.. but normally im fabulous :]
Is being happy overrated?: no way.
Can music make you happy?: most deffinetly

LOVE SECTION.-

How many times have you had your heart broken?: meh.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: yeah

HATE SECTION.-

Who do you actually hate?: noone
Ever made a hit list?: no
Have you ever been on a hit list?: no idea. kind of hope not. that'd be a bit scary

SELF ESTEEM SECTION.-

Is your self-esteem extremely low?: can be
Do you believe in yourself?: most the time
Are you good-looking?: meh. could be worse
Do you wish you can be someone else?: no

LOOK AT ME.-

What is your current hair color?: brown
Whats your natural color?: brown
What color are your eyes?: brown
Current Piercings?: both ears double peirced
Straight Hair or Curly?: straight

CURRENTLY WEARING.-

What shirt are you wearing?: ITFOW
Shoes?: none
Bracelet:C-stone

THIS OR THAT.-

Rock or rap: both
Coffee or Hot Cocoa: both. [gotta be vegan]
Wild Night Out or Romantic Night In: both.
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Hummer or Sports Car: sports
Bracelet or Necklace: bracelet
History or Science: neither.
Sleep in or Early to rise: doesnt matter. i can live off of about 2 hours of sleep
Beach or Boardwalk: both
Hoodie or Tee Shirt: Hoodie
Night or Day: night
California or Florida: Florida. never been to Cali
Love at first sight or Learn to Love: love.

THE LAST.-

person you talked to in person?: Mom
person you talked to online?: James
person you talked to on the phone?: Zachary
person who made you laugh?: Jari

RANDOM.-

Do you like surveys: when im bored
Do you get along with your parents?: occaisionally
Do you have emotional breakdowns?: rarely.

CURRENT.-

-Current Mood: tired.
-Current music: xbishopx
-Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing: catching up on sleep. homework or walking.
-Current Windows Open: AIM. WordPad. LimeWire
-Current desktop picture?: picture of liz and i.
-Current Favorite Music Artist?: no clue
-Current Book: dunno. just finished the 4th book ive ever read though.. it was decent.
-Current CD in stereo: madball- hold it down

spur of the moment thoughts:

if you dont like me. tell me.
i probably wont do anything about it.
i just dont want to waste my time caring about you.

if you think im a whore. tell me.
so i can clear it up with you.

if someone is talking shit about me.
before you believe them..
talk to me
before you go running your mouth.

dont judge me
because you dont know me.
and if you did know me.
you wouldnt judge me.

im getting lazy with this.

ALL OF MY LOVE.<3.