this sucks
Lifes been pretty darn sucky this week .. :-/
School is alright i guess, getting really stressed about midterms comming up, i need to do well, especially in english and science. I mean i know what i want to do after high school, im gunna go to central and be a history teacher, ive known since i was 6, and theres no figting it now .. i dont get why my parents push me when i know what I want .. they always told me that if i set MY mind to something, i could do it, well obviously THEIR minds are set, and that just adds to the stress pile having them constantly nag me - DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK ?! - YOU SHOULDNT BE ON THE COMPUTER, YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING ! HOW DID YOU DO ON THIS TEST .. *GASP* AN 86 ?! .. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT .. ugh, i just wanna scream at them .. IM NOT PERFECT !! i already know what i want to do, and im doing my best to achieve that, and whenever i do, do bad i feel horrible, i studied my behind off for a vocab test, i got a 76, i sat in the class and cried, im so emotionally unstable right now i hate it whenever i hear the song im listening to right now, it reminds me of me, because its how my parents make me feel sometime .. Failures not flattering .. the things going through my head now, i wish i could only type down ..
I went to alyssas on friday - that didnt make me feel any better about myself whatsoever..
went to the mall with erica last night, that made me feel a little bit better, i miss her so much, and i really hope she comes to seymour next year .. if onlyyy
Im so sick of hiding my emotions, i cant do it anymore .. im sick of being known as Little Innocent Kelly .. the girl who always does her homework, the girl who would never drink or anything of that sort[Wich im not planning on doing anytime soon] the girl who most always does what her parents say.. the girl whos never seen an R rated movie Besides the Passion. the girl whos so predicatble, the little sister to guys, and the one who listens for the girls .. im so predicatable .. im always so set on not letting anyone down and i cant take it .. people see me as the girl in school whos loud, and will do stupid things to make people laugh, they have no idea i laugh so much so i dont cry, if people are laughing at what i do, or what i say it makes me feel like hey - ive done something right for once, people are laughing
im also sick of guys treating me like a little sister, sure, i love them all to death, but maybe once they can see me as an actual girl? not the one they joke around with and tell all there weekend plans too. and when and who they hooked up with. not the one they give muggies to, because i actual put an effort into how i look, so they had to mess that up .. recently i told one of these guys i like him .. and you know what he did, he laughed, and you know what, i still like him . . for once i wanna be that girl tha cna walk down the hallway hand in hand with someone
life just at a major downpoint right now, and im getting so fed up, theres days i just sit in my room, cry, and wish i was dead .. i hate it
I saw Sam and Jess today .. that made me feel better, because its 2 people who actually care
wow .. i dont think ive hever had such a pour out of emotions ever .. kudos for you if you read this whole thing
comment .. please?
School is alright i guess, getting really stressed about midterms comming up, i need to do well, especially in english and science. I mean i know what i want to do after high school, im gunna go to central and be a history teacher, ive known since i was 6, and theres no figting it now .. i dont get why my parents push me when i know what I want .. they always told me that if i set MY mind to something, i could do it, well obviously THEIR minds are set, and that just adds to the stress pile having them constantly nag me - DID YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK ?! - YOU SHOULDNT BE ON THE COMPUTER, YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING ! HOW DID YOU DO ON THIS TEST .. *GASP* AN 86 ?! .. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT .. ugh, i just wanna scream at them .. IM NOT PERFECT !! i already know what i want to do, and im doing my best to achieve that, and whenever i do, do bad i feel horrible, i studied my behind off for a vocab test, i got a 76, i sat in the class and cried, im so emotionally unstable right now i hate it whenever i hear the song im listening to right now, it reminds me of me, because its how my parents make me feel sometime .. Failures not flattering .. the things going through my head now, i wish i could only type down ..
I went to alyssas on friday - that didnt make me feel any better about myself whatsoever..
went to the mall with erica last night, that made me feel a little bit better, i miss her so much, and i really hope she comes to seymour next year .. if onlyyy
Im so sick of hiding my emotions, i cant do it anymore .. im sick of being known as Little Innocent Kelly .. the girl who always does her homework, the girl who would never drink or anything of that sort[Wich im not planning on doing anytime soon] the girl who most always does what her parents say.. the girl whos never seen an R rated movie Besides the Passion. the girl whos so predicatble, the little sister to guys, and the one who listens for the girls .. im so predicatable .. im always so set on not letting anyone down and i cant take it .. people see me as the girl in school whos loud, and will do stupid things to make people laugh, they have no idea i laugh so much so i dont cry, if people are laughing at what i do, or what i say it makes me feel like hey - ive done something right for once, people are laughing
im also sick of guys treating me like a little sister, sure, i love them all to death, but maybe once they can see me as an actual girl? not the one they joke around with and tell all there weekend plans too. and when and who they hooked up with. not the one they give muggies to, because i actual put an effort into how i look, so they had to mess that up .. recently i told one of these guys i like him .. and you know what he did, he laughed, and you know what, i still like him . . for once i wanna be that girl tha cna walk down the hallway hand in hand with someone
life just at a major downpoint right now, and im getting so fed up, theres days i just sit in my room, cry, and wish i was dead .. i hate it
I saw Sam and Jess today .. that made me feel better, because its 2 people who actually care
wow .. i dont think ive hever had such a pour out of emotions ever .. kudos for you if you read this whole thing
comment .. please?