(no subject)
I found this entry on a xanga site. its perfect.
OK....so for some reason I started thinking about him yestrday...I haven't really thought about him since the beginning of September. Graduation was the last time I spoke to him....and saw him.
Sometimes I miss him very much. I miss the relationship we used to have...I miss the jokes and the playful banter, and the smiles...Ohhh I really miss his smile. I miss the feeling I used to get when I would see him. I miss the excitement. I miss looking forward to his class , and him always being there. I miss the conversations we would have, and how we were more like friends than teacher-student. I miss how he would laugh at my jokes, and come out of his way to see me.
I miss the way he would look at me, and the how I could tell he cared about me, without even saying a word. I miss his uncontrollable kindness towards me.
I hate the fact that I can't go see him anymore, and that I probably won't ever see him again. I want to know what he thought of me, why he acted the way he did towards me, and if it ever meant anything to him.
His innocent flirting was not so innocent to me.
Why is it that he had to be 12 years older than me, with a wife, and daughter? Why is is that the only thing wrong was the timing? He made me happy. Was it love? I don't think so, and I hope it wasn't. I know that there was something there, something between us. It was an unspoken attraction because we couldn't tell eachother. But I knew...I just knew. He wasn't like that with anyone else, nor did he look at anyone else the way he looked at me. When I needed him to be kind, he was kind. He cared...and it hurts so bad, not having my questions answered about him, and the feelings he felt about me... if any.
But he did, I know he did. It wasn't just me.
this is why i drink myself into a stupor.imsolonely.
OK....so for some reason I started thinking about him yestrday...I haven't really thought about him since the beginning of September. Graduation was the last time I spoke to him....and saw him.
Sometimes I miss him very much. I miss the relationship we used to have...I miss the jokes and the playful banter, and the smiles...Ohhh I really miss his smile. I miss the feeling I used to get when I would see him. I miss the excitement. I miss looking forward to his class , and him always being there. I miss the conversations we would have, and how we were more like friends than teacher-student. I miss how he would laugh at my jokes, and come out of his way to see me.
I miss the way he would look at me, and the how I could tell he cared about me, without even saying a word. I miss his uncontrollable kindness towards me.
I hate the fact that I can't go see him anymore, and that I probably won't ever see him again. I want to know what he thought of me, why he acted the way he did towards me, and if it ever meant anything to him.
His innocent flirting was not so innocent to me.
Why is it that he had to be 12 years older than me, with a wife, and daughter? Why is is that the only thing wrong was the timing? He made me happy. Was it love? I don't think so, and I hope it wasn't. I know that there was something there, something between us. It was an unspoken attraction because we couldn't tell eachother. But I knew...I just knew. He wasn't like that with anyone else, nor did he look at anyone else the way he looked at me. When I needed him to be kind, he was kind. He cared...and it hurts so bad, not having my questions answered about him, and the feelings he felt about me... if any.
But he did, I know he did. It wasn't just me.
this is why i drink myself into a stupor.imsolonely.