Innocence Lost: 11/?
Title: Innocence Lost
Author: kellou24
Based On: TV Series
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairings: Eventually Nate/Jenny
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Something traumatic happened to Jenny Humphrey and she doesn't quite know how to deal with it.
Warning: Story contains VERY dark subject matter.
They say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. For me all I saw was the possible reactions the news of my death would bring to others.
I could see Lily mourning over the loss of a daughter. Even though she isn’t my mother, she has always treated me well, better then my real mom anyway. For all of her faults, I’ve never really blamed her for anything. Not for the lies she told us or the doubt she brought into her marriage with dad. The way I see it, she has her reasons for keeping things to herself because otherwise all you’ll end up doing is hurting someone you didn’t want to, so what’s the point?
I could see dad shedding a few tears but it wouldn’t be over losing me. It would be over the loss of what I could have been. The possibilities I held that would never be able to reach there full potential.
I could see Dan being particularly eaten up over the news of my death, but it wouldn’t be over the fact that he’s lost his one and only true sibling; it would be guilt that ate him up inside. He’d be guilty over his lack of calls and visits since starting college. He’d probably find some way to blame himself. Maybe he’d dedicate his first book to me. That’d be nice.
Eric I think would be the most heartbroken over my death. He’s been one of my only true friends, always been there for me even when I was a total bitch to him and didn’t deserve his kindness. I can only hope that he won’t be the one to find my body.
I’m not sure what Blair’s reaction will be. I’d like to think that she’d be at least a little bit affected but who knows with her. Maybe she’ll pretend she’s put together in public then when she’s alone she’ll shed a few tears but that’s nothing but a fantasy on my part.
Serena will probably be the most unaffected out of them all. Not because she’s a cold hearted bitch who wouldn’t be saddened by someone’s death, but because she’s always had this optimism about her that’s helped her bounce back from some of the worst experiences in her life. I think that’s one of the things I admired most about her. Not her great looks or her really good luck at times but that even after all of the drugs and betrayal, she’s still able to get up everyday with a smile on her face.
Nate, well I don’t really care much about his reaction. I figure there will be some guilt and he’ll probably think it was his fault. He’ll probably confess what happened to Dan which will then lead to Dan kicking his stupid ass. I hope that wherever I end up that I get to see that.
Mom, well mom I’m not so sure about. I haven’t really seen her in a year and she hasn’t bothered calling in a little over six months so her reaction could be anything. I’d like to think that she’d be torn up over the loss of her “baby” but that’s probably wishful thinking on my part. Even if she is upset, she’ll have her twenty something model friend to help her get over it, so she’ll be fine.
Everyone else’s reactions don’t really matter to me. I’m sure my supposed “friends” will cry at my funeral and tell everyone around how close they were to the poor girl who committed suicide while talking about how much of a bitch I was in the bathroom at the church. Agnes will probably visit my burial site when she hears the news and spit on my grave.
Life will go on and eventually people will forget about me because that’s what we do. We forget about people that once mattered to us.
I think that’s why Blair always tries so hard to make an impression on people. So that she won’t be forgotten.
I considered writing a note to go out with a real bang and let them all revel in guilt but I prefer to keep them guessing and wondering why I would do such a thing. Chuck will probably be an asshole and end up telling everyone anyway, and if not Chuck then Vanya, so what’s the point in wasting my precious time writing a note that will just depress me?
And now lying on the cold floor, I accept my death.
~
Oh, god. Is it supposed to hurt this much?
I whimper in pain as I lay curled up on the cold floor with my hands resting on my stomach. I feel like my brain is going to explode and there’s a heavy ache in my stomach.
I’ve never felt this sick in my life.
“Ah!” I moan in pain, sweat running down my face and back making my hair stick to the side of my face and my dress cling to me uncomfortably. Saliva starts to fill my mouth and I unfortunately know what happens next.
My eyes roll back in my head leaving me feeling dizzy and disoriented as I roll onto my stomach and crawl pathetically to the toilet, praying I can make it in time.
I grab onto the sides of the toilet seat and pull myself up before placing my head into the toilet and retching painfully into it. I feel my whole body shake as I throw up, all of my muscles tightening before releasing painfully every time my stomach empties.
I continue vomiting until there is literally nothing left for me to throw up, leaving me shaken and gasping for air as the dry heaves slowly subside.
I weakly reach up and flush the toilet, effectively getting rid of the vomit inside the bowl that was starting to smell in the spacey white room but unfortunately it did nothing to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth that surprisingly had nothing to do with the bitter vomit I could still taste in the back of my throat.
What the hell was that?
Still gasping I tiredly crawl over toward the abandoned pill bottle that was lying on the floor surrounded by the white pills I had dropped and picked it up to read the label.
It was a simple orange bottle, just like any other bottle you get from the pharmacy when obtaining prescription pills. Only difference is that the pills inside aren’t the right ones prescribed. I had mistakenly not payed close enough attention to the pills I had taken, assuming that the pills inside were vicodin.
Looking at the pill in my hand now I can see that while it is white and shaped the same way, there is no writing etched on the front.
It’s just a plain white pill that causes you to be severely ill.
I turn the bottle over in my hand to see who they belong to and immediately start to gag and have to rush back to the toilet when I see that they belong to Lily.
But that’s not what make’s me sick. It’s the name of the person prescribing them to her.
Dr. William Van Der Woodsen
I retch painfully into the toilet again.
A/N: Thank you all for the encouraging comments from last chapter!