Innocence Lost: 7/?
Title: Innocence Lost
Author: kellou24
Based On: TV Series
Rating: R/NC-17
Pairings: Eventually Nate/Jenny
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Something traumatic happened to Jenny Humphrey and she doesn't quite know how to deal with it.
Warning: Story contains VERY dark subject matter.
I cut off a piece of my waffle before putting it in my mouth, trying to chew it up and resist the urge to spit it out while avoiding Eric’s probing eyes from across the table. I managed to swallow it down and I picked up my glass of orange juice to take a sip and get the dry taste out of my mouth when the elevator dinged open.
All of our heads swung around to see Blair step out in with her usual well put together look and her nose stuck up in the air. She walked towards our table of four, a false smile falling into place on her face easily as she greeted us.
“Good morning all,” She greeted perkily, smile kicking up another notch. It seemed that I was the only one to notice how fake it was because Lily, Eric and dad all greeted her offering polite smiles in exchange. I didn’t bother with the same pleasantries and no one seemed to take notice anyway. “I just came over to personally invite you to Dorota and Vanya’s rehearsal dinner I’m throwing.” She said in explanation to her abrupt appearance.
“What time is the party?” Lily asked excitedly.
“It starts at 7:30 tonight at Chuck’s place.” She said her smile wavering only for a moment when she said Chuck’s name. I wonder if I’m the only one who noticed the red puffy bags under her eyes.
“Why isn’t the party at your place?” Lily asked curiously. At her question Blair’s demeanor visibly changed to her gossip stance, leaning her body forward and cocking her hip, the once false smile turning into a mischievous smirk.
“Well it’s the strangest thing actually. After Nate’s party last week I went up to the bathroom and there was glass everywhere.”
“Glass?” Lily asked sounding surprised. My hand curled into a fist as she continued.
“Yeah it’s from the mirror above the sink. It looks like someone literally punched the glass it was so shattered. It was all over the floor and some of it was in the sink and on the counters.”
Dimly I heard her continue talking about it, going into more details about the sweaty “barbarians” her mother had hired to fix it but I was too preoccupied to listen to her babbling. My eyes were locked on Eric who instead of looking back at me or listening to Blair prattle on, he was staring at my hand that was curled into a fist. Or more importantly he was occupied staring at the bandage that covered up the scar that was left on my injured hand.
His eyes lifted suddenly to meet mine and I had to quickly look away at what I saw there. Confusion, realization, hurt and a bunch of other emotions that I either was not able to process or just couldn’t read at the moment.
But what hurt most was the pity I saw there. It was like part of him knew in some way what had happened to me but the other part couldn’t figure it out yet.
My fork dropped onto my plate with a loud clank startling Lily, Blair and dad enough to distract them from their conversation and zero in on me.
“I have to go,” I said as I stood up from my chair and started walking to the elevator, doing my best to avoid the questioning gazes that were settled on my back.
“Where are you going, sweetie?” Dad asked curiously.
“Well if there’s a party tonight I’m going to need a dress,” I said lamely as I slid my arms into my black coat. They seemed to buy it though because dad went back to eating and Blair and Lily continued talking about the caterer Blair had hired for the party. Everyone bought it but Eric.
“Why don’t I go with you?” Eric suggested starting to stand up from his seat. My eyes went to his, my hand freezing on the handle of my messenger bag as I saw the questions in his gaze, questions I couldn’t answer. Guilt settled in the bottom of my stomach as my hands finally unfroze so I could hurriedly put my bag over my head so it could settle on my hip.
“That’s okay, I’d rather be alone right now,” I said stiffly. “Besides I happen to know for a fact that you just bought you a new Marc Jacobs suit.” I said quickly as I shuffled inside the elevator pressing the button for the lobby.
Before the doors closed completely I caught one last glimpse of them. Eric looked tense and like he was about ready to jump across the table to stop me. Blair, dad and Lily were too engrossed in their own conversation to notice which for the first time I was actually thankful for.
The doors slid closed with an ominous click before starting the trek down to the first floor.
I fisted a hand in my cropped hair, fingers twining in the short walnut colored strands as I breathed out an anxious breath that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. My cell phone beeped and I pulled it out to see a message alert.
Message Received: 11:37 A.M.
From: Gossip Girl
Looks like N may have competition on his quest to be S’ true love. The lovely caleygirl89 sent in this picture of Carter Baizen arriving at the Mariotte Hotel this afternoon. Hmm let’s hope that we’re there to see this happy reunion.
XOXO, Gossip Girl
I couldn’t help rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I put my phone back in my bag.
Whoever it is that runs this blog must have no life.
~
I took a sip from my cup as I watched the crowd around me who are either dumb as rocks or just really good at ignoring the tension that was surrounding them.
My money’s on the dumb as rocks theory.
I started to walk around, sidestepping a drunk cousin of Vanya’s who was gesturing enthusiastically and teetering on his heel as he tried to chat up a young blonde who was at least twenty years younger than he was when I heard my name being called behind me. I turned around to see dad gesturing towards me with an impatient look on his face. He must have been calling my name for a while.
I walked towards him wondering what he could possibly want. I paused for a moment when I saw that he was talking to Vanya and a heavily pregnant Dorota. I reached him quickly and he immediately placed his arm around my shoulders, probably as an act to show what a good father he could be to everyone at this party.
“Oh Jenny, I love your hair,” Dorota said smiling at me.
“Thank you,” I said as I stiffly smiled back at her but she didn’t seem to notice because she quickly went back to talking to my dad. My eyes went to Vanya’s who was staring at me with a look that I have become familiar with. It’s the look he gives me every time we see each other now.
“How are you doing, Jenny?” He asked anxiously.
“I’m fine,” I said through clenched teeth, giving him a warning look. He looked down guiltily for a second before he lifted his head determinedly.
“You’re sure?” He asked. I looked over to see if they’d caught our exchange but they were both to engrossed in their own conversation about baby proofing.
“You know you shouldn’t worry so much. You’ll lose hair that way,” I said viciously before shrugging off my dad’s arm, turning around and walking away from him.
“Hey Jen,” Eric said as he suddenly appeared in front of me. After successfully avoiding him for most of the day I wasn’t really surprised that we’d have this conversation now. For some reason everything always seems to go down when we’re in a public place.
“Eric,” I said nonchalantly, giving him a halfhearted head nod as a greeting.
“Mind if we talk?” He asked sounding polite, but the look he was giving me was anything but.
“I’m kind of busy right now,” I said trying to sidestep him but he moved in front of me, stopping me.
“Oh yeah, what are you doing?” He asked his eyes hard and his jaw clenching in restraint to hold back from asking the questions that I wasn’t willing to answer yet. Before I could answer Vanya called for everyone’s attention, halting all the dancing bodies around us.
“Now it is time to play traditional Eastern European wedding games. Some of these games date all the way back to the 14th century but back then they use virgins and today not so much.” He said with a laugh while picking up a balloon. “First game we play is balloon game. Everybody must find partner, you take balloon and put in between. Now when music changes you and partner get closer. Ah, now whoever does not pop balloon wins game and winner gets rare matriochkana. Okay let’s play.”He said before giving the signal for the music to start up again and moving towards Dorota.
I turned back to Eric to see him eyeing me with a red balloon in his right hand. He grabbed my hand, dragging me out to the dance floor before stopping and stepping closer to me. He put the balloon between our bodies and put his hands around the back of my neck, ignoring my flinch at the contact and started to sway forcing me to do the same.
“Didn’t think I was your type,” I said sarcastically when I put my hands around his neck.
“So you going to talk to me about what’s bothering you yet or do I need to keep guessing?” He asked ignoring my comment and watching my face closely.
“Look it’s really sweet this thing you’re doing but everything’s fine with me and you’re just wasting your time.” I said sincerely but he didn’t seem to believe me because he continued to look at me doubtfully.
“You don’t honestly expect me to believe that garbage?” He asked raising an eyebrow.
“You can believe what you want to believe. I’m just telling you the truth.” I said trying to sound disinterested.
“What truth is that?” He asked.
“That nothing has happened to me.” I said heaving a tired sigh.
“Look you can deny it all you want but I don’t believe nothings wrong with you and I’m not going to stop trying to figure out whatever it is that happened to you,” He said leaning closer causing the balloon to make a weird noise when it rubbed up against the front of my dress and the button’s on his white collared shirt.
“Well prepare to be disappointed,” I said evenly before reaching one of my hands down and pinching the balloon. It made a loud pop before deflating between our bodies and dropping lifelessly to the floor. I quickly stepped away from him, moving hurriedly through the crowd that had gathered around the remaining dancers and ignoring Eric calling my name.
~
I don’t know how long I’d sat in the corner of the room avoiding Eric but I quickly shot up from where I was crouched down on the ground when I heard footsteps on the other side of the wall. The only thing that stopped me from running was the voices that accompanied those footsteps.
“Where are you going?” I heard Chuck ask angrily.
“Leave me alone Chuck,” Blair said quietly.
“No. Not until you tell me why you’re doing this.” He said. I peeked around the corner to see they’d now stopped in the middle of the hallway, facing each other.
“You know why Chuck. You used and manipulated me.” She said angrily.
“Like what I did is any different than what we do to people all the time.” He said throwing his hands up in frustration.
“There is a big difference between us doing that to someone else and then you doing it to me.” She said her voice breaking. She stepped closer to him, lowering her voice and I found myself leaning forward to better hear what she was saying.
“Jenny is that you?” I heard a familiar voice behind me say making me almost groan out loud.
‘Just when it was getting good too,’ I thought as I turned around to face Nate. “Hey Nate,” I said feeling aggravated at his terrible timing.
“Hey, I thought that was you,” He said giving me one of his charming yet clueless smiles which I didn’t bother to return. “I almost didn’t recognize you with your new hairstyle. It looks good, by the way.”
“Thanks,” I said absently as I picked up another red cup from the table I had been crouching next to and started the process of blocking out his voice now that he’s started droning on about boring shit like how happy he is in his relationship with Serena. I threw in an occasional head nod or hum of agreement when I felt it was appropriate but luckily he didn’t seem to notice that I wasn’t paying attention to him. I was so absorbed in ignoring him that I almost missed what he said.
“-yeah, I wish I could have been at brunch with you guys today but Serena filled me in on all that went on there anyway so-“
“Serena wasn’t at brunch today,” I said interrupting him once I caught on to what he said.
“What?” He asked sounding confused. I ignored him again as I thought back to that message from earlier. Is she already cheating on him?
“Ah, you poor bastard,” I said shaking my head and patting him on the back as I laughed walking away and starting to leave him. He grabbed my wrist abruptly, keeping me from going anywhere and moving in front of me so he could meet my eyes.
“What’s going on?” He asked me seriously, staring me directly in the eye. I stopped laughing as I felt a moment of guilt at his predicament.
“Look you should talk to Serena, I’m not even sure if I’m right.” I said trying to pull my wrist out of his grip.
“Just tell me. Please?” He begged his brow furrowing.
“Carter’s back in town.”
“That doesn’t mean that she’d-“
“She lied to you Nate. What other reason could she possibly have for lying,” I said interrupting him. He loosened his grip on my wrist allowing me to slip my hand out of his as I watched his face closely. He looked heartbroken which pretty much killed all the happiness I felt when I realized he’d been lied to by his ‘perfect Serena’. “Talk to Serena. I could be wrong,” I said sincerely before turning around and walking away from him.
A/N: Yes I know that the party was actually hosted at the Humphrey/Van Der Woodsen's but this is the only way it would work. Reviews are appreciated.