You make me wanna smoke a cigarette, you make me wanna be someone else
There are just some days that suck. all the way through. I hate those days. usually full of disappointments taking on many different forms, like disappointment from people, circumstances, or other things. I hate feeling unimportant to people, like they don't really care about me. for once I just want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them, actually makes time for me, and oh, I don't know, calls when they say they will, answers their phone? is it too much to ask for? it seems to be so far. oh well. I should really stop complaining. I don't have to put up with it if I really don't want to. but, I choose to because I care and want things to be happy and good. I just want to spend some good quality time with people. one on one time, for longer than 45 minutes to an hour. and I don't want extra tag-alongs with them either. I hate feeling like a third wheel. seems like more often than not, I'm put into that position. and I hate getting my emotions and feelings so wrapped up into everything and everyone. it just leads to more disappointments. it sucks. if I could only learn to be more emotionally distant from things, that'd solve quite a bit of my problems. I just feel like what we have (or had??? or thought we have/had??) is something special, something worth my time. I thought I meant something to you. I thought you were different. I thought you wanted to be with me. you make it seem that way at times, but then at other times I just feel ignored and blown off. tossed aside like I'm not important. I like to think I'm a nice girl worth spending time with, worth caring about, but it seems like I'm more of a plaything to people sometimes. I'm sick of getting toyed around with. I'm sick of waiting, I'm sick of spending countless hours sitting on my bed waiting to hear anything from people, sick of wasting days with nothing to do and no one to even talk to. Why can't I be the person people call to hang out with? why do I always call people to do things? why does it seem like hardly anyone calls and invites me to do things, its always me inviting them places or asking if I can tag along to different events? I'm sick of it! "I'm lost inside the crowd, its getting loud, I need you to see, I'm screamin for you to please hear me"