(no subject)
I don't understand the male mind, at all. One week, this particular male is thinking happy and good thoughts, and the next he's thinking of sad, and ending things. I just don't know how I'm supposed to react and respond to these different changes... especially since they happen somewhat frequently. Do I assume things will be fine like they sometimes are? or do I assume that it won't be fine, and things will end, like has happened in the past? I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. especially if I can't see or talk to the person for a period of time. do I anticipate the time I get to see him again in an excited and happy way? or do I try to distance myself some so that it may not hurt so bad if the sad alternative occurs? My heart feels torn in two, and twisted, and stomped on, and utterly confused. Have I been doing something wrong? Is there something I should have done, or shouldn't have done? I like to think that I've been quite respectful of certain aspects of his life, and a generally nice person, I've done kind things, I've shared a part of myself and opened up to this person on numerous occasions.... and I like to think that counts for something. Perhaps more of an explanation of why he's thinking the things he is? perhaps letting me know along the way if I'm doing things poorly? if I'm not as respectful and nice and kind as I think I am? It's times like these that I feel unappreciated for my efforts in the relationship, and like my feelings don't matter. It feels like he doesn't even respect me enough to give me reasons for this sudden change in his thoughts and feelings. I've become quite attatched to this person, and accustomed to having him in my life for support, friendship, courtship, all that other mushy stuff.... and I really don't want it to go away. but, I feel that there is nothing I can do. I feel so hopeless. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to react and respond to this? especially when I have an entire week to think about this, and very little else? I suppose I'm just going to try and keep as busy as I possibly can so I have as little free time as possible to think about this. then, if finality comes, at least I might be somewhat distanced and it won't hurt as bad? and I'll have made stronger and reaffirmed connections with other friends that will support me, so I won't feel left high and dry again? ok, I've had enough thinking for now.... tired of crying, and I'm just plain tired.