(no subject)
I have a horrible personality. I'm selfish. I'm too shy. I'm too mean. I'm not funny or creative. I'm cocky. I can't keep secrets. Nor can I keep promises. When I try to be nicer I'm not happy because I feel like I'm being walked over. If I try to be funny I become mean. Trying to be helpful causes more problems. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel whenever I try to be a good friend to one person, I become detestable to someone else. I'm at the end of my rope, and I'm honestly breaking down.
I need someone to talk to, but there isn't anyone left that I haven't been a bitch to. Even if I did talk to someone, I don't even know what it is I'm wanting to hear. I want to be babied. I want someone to tell me that I'm not terrible. That I'm a caring person, and things will be better in a few days. That's bullshit and I know it. I've fucked myself over and the only way I can get better from here on out is for people to be honest with me. Things are probably going to get worse before they can be better, but I need to work on myself.
I really am trying, whether it may appear that way or not. What frustrates me the most is knowing that my efforts have been getting me nowhere. Possibly even getting me closer to what I don't want to be. It's time to find another way and start over again.
In any case, I'm sorry.
I need someone to talk to, but there isn't anyone left that I haven't been a bitch to. Even if I did talk to someone, I don't even know what it is I'm wanting to hear. I want to be babied. I want someone to tell me that I'm not terrible. That I'm a caring person, and things will be better in a few days. That's bullshit and I know it. I've fucked myself over and the only way I can get better from here on out is for people to be honest with me. Things are probably going to get worse before they can be better, but I need to work on myself.
I really am trying, whether it may appear that way or not. What frustrates me the most is knowing that my efforts have been getting me nowhere. Possibly even getting me closer to what I don't want to be. It's time to find another way and start over again.
In any case, I'm sorry.