An actual update, I suppose
Let's see... it's 4:21 in the morning, and I'm still up (damn caffine!), so I figure that if I update, that I should be tired by the time I finish. I'm just sitting here in my bed, and my computer is nice and warm, and Jack is snuggled up next to me. We'll see if this works...
I've had a lot going on lately. Work has been stressful in many ways. I'm not making nearly as much money as I did at Old Boys. I'm getting the bad shifts and the bad sections. Worked a double yesterday b.c. I picked up a shift for someone. Didn't get one single break. And that is not an exaggeration. Got there at 10:30 am and clocked out after 11 pm. I had no less than 3 tables the entire day, and at night, my 5-table section was always full. I made some money, thank god, but still not as much as I feel like I should have. I didn't eat all day. Let me tell you, I was one cranky bitch at the end of the night. Then, this morning, I didn't realize that I was supposed to work. I got there for my 4:00 shift and realized that I was supposed to be on a double again. that sure as hell didn't start the night off well. then we got our asses kicked tonight. I'm just beat. Just like at Old Boys, they're already joking about how I practically live there, I work so much! But, I have bills to pay. Not much else I can do. I hate this. And Joel's wedding is this Friday, and Jason can't afford to drive down. Any other time, I would have just sent him the money in a heartbeat. But I can't right now. And I hate it. I can't afford to help my own brother. And that is the worst feeling in the world.
What else? Well, I guess I sorta feel secluded. I mean, it's nobody's fault, but I just sleep while everyone's at class, and work when they are free. I never see anyone anymore. I don't know what they're talking about when I'm with them b.c. I miss so much. Like I said, it's no one's fault, but I just feel left out. It's not that we don't try to do stuff together. It just doesn't work out. and it sucks. The point of me getting my job and moving here was so that I could be with everyone, and it's not going as planned at all. I'm hoping that as time goes on and I can see how I can afford a day or two off, that I'll be able to spend some more time with everyone. But right now, I'm so worried about paying my bills, that I can't take that chance.
Then there is another issue that I thought was resolved a looooong time ago, but I found out tonight that it apparently wasn't. I don't even think about it anymore, much less care about the matter - or at least to the extent of talking about it. It's a dead issue. Or at least I thought it was. I'm tired of that shit. I suppose that some people just can't accept that that's how it's gonna be. It has caused enough stress in my life, and I'm not going to let it again. And furthermore, it shouldn't need to be causing stress in anyone else's lives either. It's not their problem. They're just as sick of it as I am, I'm sure. LET IT GO!
And on the subject of decisions... I'm almost 21 years old. I can make decisions for myself. I have been doing it for a very long time. I know the difference between right and wrong. It may not be the same way you see it, but it works for me. I have my morals and I have my standards. I also have my flaws. But that's just the thing... they are MY flaws. And what you see as a mistake, I may not. I hate being judged for what I do in and with my life. I have more reasons than you will ever know for every decision that I make. And while I can be spontanious, the major decisions undergo much thought. You may not like them, or agree with them, or approve of them. But I'm on my own. I take care of myself and only do what I feel is right or okay for me. I don't need to answer to anyone else. It may not be what you would do, or what the rest of the world would do. But it's what I want to do. Yes, maybe I wind up with the short end of the stick, but it's my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.
Well, it's now 5:15, and I suppose that you are sick of reading this rant by now (if you even read this far at all). I'm sorry. But that's my life right now. I suppose I shouldn't complain, though. It's what I chose to do.
And it's working.
more or less.
I've had a lot going on lately. Work has been stressful in many ways. I'm not making nearly as much money as I did at Old Boys. I'm getting the bad shifts and the bad sections. Worked a double yesterday b.c. I picked up a shift for someone. Didn't get one single break. And that is not an exaggeration. Got there at 10:30 am and clocked out after 11 pm. I had no less than 3 tables the entire day, and at night, my 5-table section was always full. I made some money, thank god, but still not as much as I feel like I should have. I didn't eat all day. Let me tell you, I was one cranky bitch at the end of the night. Then, this morning, I didn't realize that I was supposed to work. I got there for my 4:00 shift and realized that I was supposed to be on a double again. that sure as hell didn't start the night off well. then we got our asses kicked tonight. I'm just beat. Just like at Old Boys, they're already joking about how I practically live there, I work so much! But, I have bills to pay. Not much else I can do. I hate this. And Joel's wedding is this Friday, and Jason can't afford to drive down. Any other time, I would have just sent him the money in a heartbeat. But I can't right now. And I hate it. I can't afford to help my own brother. And that is the worst feeling in the world.
What else? Well, I guess I sorta feel secluded. I mean, it's nobody's fault, but I just sleep while everyone's at class, and work when they are free. I never see anyone anymore. I don't know what they're talking about when I'm with them b.c. I miss so much. Like I said, it's no one's fault, but I just feel left out. It's not that we don't try to do stuff together. It just doesn't work out. and it sucks. The point of me getting my job and moving here was so that I could be with everyone, and it's not going as planned at all. I'm hoping that as time goes on and I can see how I can afford a day or two off, that I'll be able to spend some more time with everyone. But right now, I'm so worried about paying my bills, that I can't take that chance.
Then there is another issue that I thought was resolved a looooong time ago, but I found out tonight that it apparently wasn't. I don't even think about it anymore, much less care about the matter - or at least to the extent of talking about it. It's a dead issue. Or at least I thought it was. I'm tired of that shit. I suppose that some people just can't accept that that's how it's gonna be. It has caused enough stress in my life, and I'm not going to let it again. And furthermore, it shouldn't need to be causing stress in anyone else's lives either. It's not their problem. They're just as sick of it as I am, I'm sure. LET IT GO!
And on the subject of decisions... I'm almost 21 years old. I can make decisions for myself. I have been doing it for a very long time. I know the difference between right and wrong. It may not be the same way you see it, but it works for me. I have my morals and I have my standards. I also have my flaws. But that's just the thing... they are MY flaws. And what you see as a mistake, I may not. I hate being judged for what I do in and with my life. I have more reasons than you will ever know for every decision that I make. And while I can be spontanious, the major decisions undergo much thought. You may not like them, or agree with them, or approve of them. But I'm on my own. I take care of myself and only do what I feel is right or okay for me. I don't need to answer to anyone else. It may not be what you would do, or what the rest of the world would do. But it's what I want to do. Yes, maybe I wind up with the short end of the stick, but it's my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.
Well, it's now 5:15, and I suppose that you are sick of reading this rant by now (if you even read this far at all). I'm sorry. But that's my life right now. I suppose I shouldn't complain, though. It's what I chose to do.
And it's working.
more or less.