"i took a tiny step and there conclusions were"
So, it's too_rational's birthday and considering she has put 2 verses of mine into lovely PDF form, I have written 2 crack-y J2 fics for her. I meant to write one, both occurred to me while I was staring at my DVD collection for inspiration and I couldn't pick.
Title: i took a tiny step and there conclusions were
Author: kellifer_fic
Rating: PG
Fandom: RPS, Jensen/Jared
Wordcount: 2,300
Warnings: None
Summary: Chad Michael Murray is the one girl in all the world chosen to save us all.
Notes: High School AU if, y'know, that high school were on a Hellmouth.
"I got us a gig."
"Dude, if you tell me it's the Bronze again I'm going to show you what they taught at my groin-punching class," Chris says, glaring at Aldis out of the corner of his eye as he kneels by his amp. Aldis jigs uncertainly from foot to foot, or more accurately backs up towards Jensen's garage door in order to make a hasty escape.
"Because they paid us in pretzels last time. Stale ones," Jensen adds, slapping at Steve's hand when he reaches for Jensen's pick that's tucked into the corner of Jensen's mouth. "Man, did you lose yours again?" he asks with a roll of his eyes.
"I know exactly where mine are," Steve sniffs. "Somewhere in my room."
"Never to be seen again then?" Jensen says with a smirk.
"They promised cash this time," Aldis interjects.
"You get that in writing, son?" Chris asks.
"Costa wouldn't stiff us... again."
"Because of our stellar record with him? Just because we're students in a band without an agent he thinks he can get away with it," Steve grumbles, but then smiles sunnily when Jensen finally digs a spare pick out of his pocket and hands it over.
"So hey, we're ditching career day to see the new Jackie Chan, yeah?" Aldis proposes, sneaking to the relative safety of his drum kit. He picks up one of his sticks to twirl and ends up hitting himself in the face. Chris snorts and Steve guffaws.
"I can't," Jensen says with a sigh. "Got a letter saying I have to be in some room at eleven."
"So?" Aldis says with an arched eyebrow.
"So, it was addressed to me. They're going to know if I'm not there."
"That's lame, man," Chris says but he doesn't sound too sympathetic.
"So, I was thinkin' you guys could hang out and then we could all go in the afternoon," Jensen adds, not really holding out much hope.
Aldis, Steve and Chris all look at each other, look at Jensen and then say, "Nah," in unison.
Jensen hates his friends.
000
Jensen was in room two-o-four for freshman history but he barely recognizes it what with the black curtains and mood music. Jensen is starting to think someone, possibly his so-called friends, have arranged a very elaborate prank and is poking at the silver tray of honest-to-god hors d'oeuvres, right up until a guy who he recognizes in a hideous pink-striped shirt pokes his head through the curtains. "Oh, hi," the guy says, sounding surprised and Jensen blinks.
It just happens to be the junior Jensen has had an embarrassing crush on for over a year, much to the endless amusement of his band mates. "Um, hi," Jensen manages after an almost too-long pause and grimaces because his voice actually squeaks. Then he swallows hard because the guy sinks down onto the end of the couch Jensen could swear used to be in the teacher's lounge.
"I got a letter," the guys says and it's embarrassing, really, that Jensen has never managed to get his name. Tom, the most popular and therefore vindictive douche in the school knows what it is by rote of having an ongoing feud with the guy's best friend, Chad, but had just laughed when Jensen had asked. Jensen had tried to enlist the help of his friends, and again, he has to use the term very loosely because all three had failed to find out and had just started calling the guy Snuffleupagus. "Cause seriously," Chris had said in mock disgust, "How can we have never seen a guy who is six foot a'million and wears pink without him being a figment of your imagination?"
"Because he's quiet, and practically lives in the library," Jensen had replied.
"Look, this might be all some kind of joke," Jensen starts to say when the curtains part again and there's a man standing there in a somber black suit, looking very serious.
Jensen and Snuffleupagus stumble out of the room two hours later with an armload of brightly colored brochures and an urge to think about serving their country in some kind of capacity Jensen isn't really sure of even after the two hours. The only positive thing Jensen can say about the meeting is that he now knows Snuffleupagus' name is Jared, finally, but that's about it.
"So, do you reckon they pick a couple of random students to scare the bejeezus out of every career day?" Jared asks as he dumps his armload into the nearest trash can. Jensen follows suit and then shrugs.
"The confidentiality contracts we had to sign just to listen to him really sold it for me," Jensen says with a grin, mostly because Jared's grinning at him. Mere glimpses in the halls were not enough to do Jared justice, having dimples and white teeth and shiny eyes are really doing things to Jensen low in his belly. "So, listen," Jensen starts just as a skinny arm darts out of the crowd of milling students around them and hooks onto Jared's elbow.
"Collins says we got a super-secret something or other," Chad announces, appearing like a squinty-eyed nightmare and starting to tug at Jared. Jensen stares in disbelief as Chad, relatively tiny human being that he is compared to Jared, nearly yanks Jared off his feet.
"Hey!" Jared yelps but then turns with a resigned face like he's used to it. "See you at the next recruitment drive!" Jared calls as Chad gives a final tug and Jared disappears.
Jensen hates other people's friends.
000
Jensen doesn't catch sight of Jared again for another two weeks. It's Halloween and Jensen stops at a cross-walk and watches Jared cross in front of his van in low-slung black leather pants and a tight-fitting red t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off.
He swallows hard and could kick himself because all he does is stare right up until Jared disappears into the night.
000
Jensen is surprised as hell when Jared approaches him the next day in the school quad. Jensen is waiting on Chris and Steve, sitting under the large oak tree that dominates most of the space when large feet and long legs appear in his field of vision. Jensen takes his time looking up because there's so much of Jared to take in and it's too good an opportunity to waste. When he finally reaches Jared's face, it's to see Jared blushing fire engine red which is probably the most adorable thing Jensen's ever seen in his life.
"So, did your mom wash one red sock in with all your clothes or do you actually own that much pink?" Jensen asks, eyeing the monstrosity of the day. There are actually little yellow flowers across the shirt's shoulders and the shade of pink reminds him of a strawberry milkshake that hasn't been blended properly.
"I got all my older sister's hand-me-downs," Jared says with a mock-serious expression. "She's a really big girl."
"So, hey. I was thinking of asking you out tonight," Jensen says with a smile.
Jared's own face lifts in delight, dimples at full wattage. "Well, if it helps any, I'll say yes."
They both take a moment to grin at each other. "So, you want to go out tonight?"
Jared's face blanks and then he slaps his forehead. "Oh, I can't!"
Jensen blinks but can't help the laugh that escapes. "Well, no one will ever accuse you of being predictable."
"I forgot it's Chad's birthday. We're having a party for him and... hey, you could come?" Jared bites his lip and Jensen may have to revise just what the most adorable thing ever is. "You know... as my date?"
Jensen taps a finger on his chin, making like he's thinking about it before he nods. "Sure, cool."
"Oh my god, don't tell me the fantasy Sasquatch actually exists?" Chris exclaims, smacking Jensen in the back of the head before flopping down in the grass next to him. Steve also appears and looks between Jared and Jensen with an amused smirk.
"Jared, this is my friend Steve and this is Chris, the guy I'm going to smother in his sleep later."
"Hi," Jared says, looking uncertain and giving a little wave that has both Steve and Chris raising their eyebrows. "So, I have to-" Jared kind of jerks his thumb behind him and takes off like his ass is on fire.
Jensen watches said ass go because hey, he's only human.
"He seems..." Steve begins.
"Odd," Chris finishes.
000
After their date, Jensen and Jared sit in Jensen's van for a while, processing.
"So, hey, vampires are real," Jensen says slowly. "And Chad...Chad was chosen to be the guy that vanquishes them and has super-strength and mad martial arts skills?"
"Uhuh," Jared nods. He's looking at Jensen warily. "Are you... freaked out?"
Jensen thinks over their night. The small local all-ages club, the Bronze, was closed on Tuesdays and had allowed Chad's birthday party to be hosted there because it promised to be a small, low-key affair. Jensen had been a little taken-aback when he'd arrived and seen popular-Tom standing beside geek-Mike who'd been the butt of all jokes since time began, looking uncomfortable yet resolute. Chad was in attendance, making puppy eyes at a stern-looking girl who introduced herself as Sophia and even more surprising was the school librarian in a rumpled suit and unruly hair. He'd introduced himself as Misha although Jensen had ended up calling him Collins like everyone else seemed to.
They were barely done with cake when six big guys had crashed the party, with bumpy foreheads and long, sharp teeth. Jared had hooked Jensen by the elbow and dragged him behind a stack of boxes and they'd both watched Sophia and Chad make short work of the guys who had been reduced to streaks of ash by handily placed pool cues.
Afterward, everyone had stared at Jensen and he'd realized that he was apparently the only one not in on the joke.
The only thing that really bothers him about the whole night is, "Chad? Seriously?"
"Once in a generation a slayer is born. One girl chosen-"
"Wait, girl?"
Jared seems to forget his tension long enough to laugh. "Chad's really pissed about that. Apparently every slayer since the beginning of time has been a chick... up until Chad."
"I can imagine how that would be a little disconcerting."
"Especially for Mr. Collins. He was expecting a girl. He was probably the most confused out of all of us. He keeps going on about how there's no precedent for this and it's all some cosmic screw up and he's been waiting years to get a slayer and he ends up with Chad so everyone in the Watcher's Council is making fun of him. Poor guy."
"So what about you? Anything I should know?" Jensen asks lightly and watches, concerned, as Jared colors a bright pink and looks at his hands. "Oh, c'mon. What?" Jensen demands because he's had enough surprises that night and he doesn't really want to cap it all off by finding out Jared is something other than big and bright and ridiculously cute.
Jared mumbles something and Jensen leans across the bench seat to poke Jared in the ribs. "What was that?"
"I said that I'm a practicing witch," Jared repeats and Jensen laughs right up until Jared starts looking both hurt and pissed.
"Wait, seriously?" he asks and when Jared nods Jensen just stares at him. "I thought witches were chicks too."
"Witch isn't gender specific," Jared says in a voice that's a little too high-pitched. He clears his throat and crosses his arms, looking defensive. "By using magic I can help us all not die on a regular basis and you wouldn't believe how many times our lives are in jeopardy. It feels like I almost die once a week."
"You... really?"
"We've averted three separate apocalypses... apocali... we've stopped the world ending a bunch of times," Jared says smugly and then rolls his eyes. "Well, Chad and Sophia have."
"What's Sophia's deal?" Jensen asks, unable to help his morbid curiosity.
"She's a vampire," Jared says and then at Jensen's astonished look says, "Don't worry, she's a good vampire."
"There are good vampires?"
"Apparently only one," Jared says and then sighs, swiveling in his seat so he's facing Jensen. "Look, I'd understand if this is a little too much for you," Jared says, mouth turning down into an expectant frown.
"I'm not saying this isn't a lot to absorb but really... this explains a lot," Jensen admits, mostly the extremely high and unusual mortality rate their school has. Jensen had started getting the impression that he was taking his life into his hands whenever he stepped through the doors.
"We're on top of a Hellmouth. It's... it makes life interesting and monsters tend to gather," Jared explains.
"I gotta tell you, the whole idea of Chad being responsible for our general well-being does tend to make me a little uncomfortable but the rest of it I can live with."
"The rest of it being...?" Jared prompts with hope in his eyes.
Instead of responding, Jensen instead grabs a handful of Jared's shirt and tugs him across the seat until he can get his mouth on Jared's. He makes a pleased noise when Jared's mouth parts and he licks the seam of Jared's mouth before releasing him. Jared sits back a little and blinks. Then he smiles and starts to lean forward again but Jensen gets a hand up between them. "Um, can you turn people into toads and stuff?" he asks when Jared gives him a confused look.
"Transmutation's a little tricky and I'm not quite there yet," Jared replies and then raises an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Just something to keep in mind for our first fight," Jensen says, chuckling and then reels Jared back in.
Title: i took a tiny step and there conclusions were
Author: kellifer_fic
Rating: PG
Fandom: RPS, Jensen/Jared
Wordcount: 2,300
Warnings: None
Summary: Chad Michael Murray is the one girl in all the world chosen to save us all.
Notes: High School AU if, y'know, that high school were on a Hellmouth.
"I got us a gig."
"Dude, if you tell me it's the Bronze again I'm going to show you what they taught at my groin-punching class," Chris says, glaring at Aldis out of the corner of his eye as he kneels by his amp. Aldis jigs uncertainly from foot to foot, or more accurately backs up towards Jensen's garage door in order to make a hasty escape.
"Because they paid us in pretzels last time. Stale ones," Jensen adds, slapping at Steve's hand when he reaches for Jensen's pick that's tucked into the corner of Jensen's mouth. "Man, did you lose yours again?" he asks with a roll of his eyes.
"I know exactly where mine are," Steve sniffs. "Somewhere in my room."
"Never to be seen again then?" Jensen says with a smirk.
"They promised cash this time," Aldis interjects.
"You get that in writing, son?" Chris asks.
"Costa wouldn't stiff us... again."
"Because of our stellar record with him? Just because we're students in a band without an agent he thinks he can get away with it," Steve grumbles, but then smiles sunnily when Jensen finally digs a spare pick out of his pocket and hands it over.
"So hey, we're ditching career day to see the new Jackie Chan, yeah?" Aldis proposes, sneaking to the relative safety of his drum kit. He picks up one of his sticks to twirl and ends up hitting himself in the face. Chris snorts and Steve guffaws.
"I can't," Jensen says with a sigh. "Got a letter saying I have to be in some room at eleven."
"So?" Aldis says with an arched eyebrow.
"So, it was addressed to me. They're going to know if I'm not there."
"That's lame, man," Chris says but he doesn't sound too sympathetic.
"So, I was thinkin' you guys could hang out and then we could all go in the afternoon," Jensen adds, not really holding out much hope.
Aldis, Steve and Chris all look at each other, look at Jensen and then say, "Nah," in unison.
Jensen hates his friends.
000
Jensen was in room two-o-four for freshman history but he barely recognizes it what with the black curtains and mood music. Jensen is starting to think someone, possibly his so-called friends, have arranged a very elaborate prank and is poking at the silver tray of honest-to-god hors d'oeuvres, right up until a guy who he recognizes in a hideous pink-striped shirt pokes his head through the curtains. "Oh, hi," the guy says, sounding surprised and Jensen blinks.
It just happens to be the junior Jensen has had an embarrassing crush on for over a year, much to the endless amusement of his band mates. "Um, hi," Jensen manages after an almost too-long pause and grimaces because his voice actually squeaks. Then he swallows hard because the guy sinks down onto the end of the couch Jensen could swear used to be in the teacher's lounge.
"I got a letter," the guys says and it's embarrassing, really, that Jensen has never managed to get his name. Tom, the most popular and therefore vindictive douche in the school knows what it is by rote of having an ongoing feud with the guy's best friend, Chad, but had just laughed when Jensen had asked. Jensen had tried to enlist the help of his friends, and again, he has to use the term very loosely because all three had failed to find out and had just started calling the guy Snuffleupagus. "Cause seriously," Chris had said in mock disgust, "How can we have never seen a guy who is six foot a'million and wears pink without him being a figment of your imagination?"
"Because he's quiet, and practically lives in the library," Jensen had replied.
"Look, this might be all some kind of joke," Jensen starts to say when the curtains part again and there's a man standing there in a somber black suit, looking very serious.
Jensen and Snuffleupagus stumble out of the room two hours later with an armload of brightly colored brochures and an urge to think about serving their country in some kind of capacity Jensen isn't really sure of even after the two hours. The only positive thing Jensen can say about the meeting is that he now knows Snuffleupagus' name is Jared, finally, but that's about it.
"So, do you reckon they pick a couple of random students to scare the bejeezus out of every career day?" Jared asks as he dumps his armload into the nearest trash can. Jensen follows suit and then shrugs.
"The confidentiality contracts we had to sign just to listen to him really sold it for me," Jensen says with a grin, mostly because Jared's grinning at him. Mere glimpses in the halls were not enough to do Jared justice, having dimples and white teeth and shiny eyes are really doing things to Jensen low in his belly. "So, listen," Jensen starts just as a skinny arm darts out of the crowd of milling students around them and hooks onto Jared's elbow.
"Collins says we got a super-secret something or other," Chad announces, appearing like a squinty-eyed nightmare and starting to tug at Jared. Jensen stares in disbelief as Chad, relatively tiny human being that he is compared to Jared, nearly yanks Jared off his feet.
"Hey!" Jared yelps but then turns with a resigned face like he's used to it. "See you at the next recruitment drive!" Jared calls as Chad gives a final tug and Jared disappears.
Jensen hates other people's friends.
000
Jensen doesn't catch sight of Jared again for another two weeks. It's Halloween and Jensen stops at a cross-walk and watches Jared cross in front of his van in low-slung black leather pants and a tight-fitting red t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off.
He swallows hard and could kick himself because all he does is stare right up until Jared disappears into the night.
000
Jensen is surprised as hell when Jared approaches him the next day in the school quad. Jensen is waiting on Chris and Steve, sitting under the large oak tree that dominates most of the space when large feet and long legs appear in his field of vision. Jensen takes his time looking up because there's so much of Jared to take in and it's too good an opportunity to waste. When he finally reaches Jared's face, it's to see Jared blushing fire engine red which is probably the most adorable thing Jensen's ever seen in his life.
"So, did your mom wash one red sock in with all your clothes or do you actually own that much pink?" Jensen asks, eyeing the monstrosity of the day. There are actually little yellow flowers across the shirt's shoulders and the shade of pink reminds him of a strawberry milkshake that hasn't been blended properly.
"I got all my older sister's hand-me-downs," Jared says with a mock-serious expression. "She's a really big girl."
"So, hey. I was thinking of asking you out tonight," Jensen says with a smile.
Jared's own face lifts in delight, dimples at full wattage. "Well, if it helps any, I'll say yes."
They both take a moment to grin at each other. "So, you want to go out tonight?"
Jared's face blanks and then he slaps his forehead. "Oh, I can't!"
Jensen blinks but can't help the laugh that escapes. "Well, no one will ever accuse you of being predictable."
"I forgot it's Chad's birthday. We're having a party for him and... hey, you could come?" Jared bites his lip and Jensen may have to revise just what the most adorable thing ever is. "You know... as my date?"
Jensen taps a finger on his chin, making like he's thinking about it before he nods. "Sure, cool."
"Oh my god, don't tell me the fantasy Sasquatch actually exists?" Chris exclaims, smacking Jensen in the back of the head before flopping down in the grass next to him. Steve also appears and looks between Jared and Jensen with an amused smirk.
"Jared, this is my friend Steve and this is Chris, the guy I'm going to smother in his sleep later."
"Hi," Jared says, looking uncertain and giving a little wave that has both Steve and Chris raising their eyebrows. "So, I have to-" Jared kind of jerks his thumb behind him and takes off like his ass is on fire.
Jensen watches said ass go because hey, he's only human.
"He seems..." Steve begins.
"Odd," Chris finishes.
000
After their date, Jensen and Jared sit in Jensen's van for a while, processing.
"So, hey, vampires are real," Jensen says slowly. "And Chad...Chad was chosen to be the guy that vanquishes them and has super-strength and mad martial arts skills?"
"Uhuh," Jared nods. He's looking at Jensen warily. "Are you... freaked out?"
Jensen thinks over their night. The small local all-ages club, the Bronze, was closed on Tuesdays and had allowed Chad's birthday party to be hosted there because it promised to be a small, low-key affair. Jensen had been a little taken-aback when he'd arrived and seen popular-Tom standing beside geek-Mike who'd been the butt of all jokes since time began, looking uncomfortable yet resolute. Chad was in attendance, making puppy eyes at a stern-looking girl who introduced herself as Sophia and even more surprising was the school librarian in a rumpled suit and unruly hair. He'd introduced himself as Misha although Jensen had ended up calling him Collins like everyone else seemed to.
They were barely done with cake when six big guys had crashed the party, with bumpy foreheads and long, sharp teeth. Jared had hooked Jensen by the elbow and dragged him behind a stack of boxes and they'd both watched Sophia and Chad make short work of the guys who had been reduced to streaks of ash by handily placed pool cues.
Afterward, everyone had stared at Jensen and he'd realized that he was apparently the only one not in on the joke.
The only thing that really bothers him about the whole night is, "Chad? Seriously?"
"Once in a generation a slayer is born. One girl chosen-"
"Wait, girl?"
Jared seems to forget his tension long enough to laugh. "Chad's really pissed about that. Apparently every slayer since the beginning of time has been a chick... up until Chad."
"I can imagine how that would be a little disconcerting."
"Especially for Mr. Collins. He was expecting a girl. He was probably the most confused out of all of us. He keeps going on about how there's no precedent for this and it's all some cosmic screw up and he's been waiting years to get a slayer and he ends up with Chad so everyone in the Watcher's Council is making fun of him. Poor guy."
"So what about you? Anything I should know?" Jensen asks lightly and watches, concerned, as Jared colors a bright pink and looks at his hands. "Oh, c'mon. What?" Jensen demands because he's had enough surprises that night and he doesn't really want to cap it all off by finding out Jared is something other than big and bright and ridiculously cute.
Jared mumbles something and Jensen leans across the bench seat to poke Jared in the ribs. "What was that?"
"I said that I'm a practicing witch," Jared repeats and Jensen laughs right up until Jared starts looking both hurt and pissed.
"Wait, seriously?" he asks and when Jared nods Jensen just stares at him. "I thought witches were chicks too."
"Witch isn't gender specific," Jared says in a voice that's a little too high-pitched. He clears his throat and crosses his arms, looking defensive. "By using magic I can help us all not die on a regular basis and you wouldn't believe how many times our lives are in jeopardy. It feels like I almost die once a week."
"You... really?"
"We've averted three separate apocalypses... apocali... we've stopped the world ending a bunch of times," Jared says smugly and then rolls his eyes. "Well, Chad and Sophia have."
"What's Sophia's deal?" Jensen asks, unable to help his morbid curiosity.
"She's a vampire," Jared says and then at Jensen's astonished look says, "Don't worry, she's a good vampire."
"There are good vampires?"
"Apparently only one," Jared says and then sighs, swiveling in his seat so he's facing Jensen. "Look, I'd understand if this is a little too much for you," Jared says, mouth turning down into an expectant frown.
"I'm not saying this isn't a lot to absorb but really... this explains a lot," Jensen admits, mostly the extremely high and unusual mortality rate their school has. Jensen had started getting the impression that he was taking his life into his hands whenever he stepped through the doors.
"We're on top of a Hellmouth. It's... it makes life interesting and monsters tend to gather," Jared explains.
"I gotta tell you, the whole idea of Chad being responsible for our general well-being does tend to make me a little uncomfortable but the rest of it I can live with."
"The rest of it being...?" Jared prompts with hope in his eyes.
Instead of responding, Jensen instead grabs a handful of Jared's shirt and tugs him across the seat until he can get his mouth on Jared's. He makes a pleased noise when Jared's mouth parts and he licks the seam of Jared's mouth before releasing him. Jared sits back a little and blinks. Then he smiles and starts to lean forward again but Jensen gets a hand up between them. "Um, can you turn people into toads and stuff?" he asks when Jared gives him a confused look.
"Transmutation's a little tricky and I'm not quite there yet," Jared replies and then raises an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Just something to keep in mind for our first fight," Jensen says, chuckling and then reels Jared back in.