(no subject)
I hate endings. I can't help it. I hate endings of all kinds. I even feel more secure if movies promise sequels, no matter how bad.
I always believe things have solutions, you know? So nothing can really END end in finality. I always believe people can work things out, even if it's not necessary. I see nothing in my life ever ending; I see myself keeping all the same relationships just as tight as they are now, carried through college and the rest of my life. Unrealistic, but I believe it's possible.
It's why I'm always nostalgic as hell. I'll admit, most of the things I've gotten in life have been good, so when they inevitably end, it sucks. Relationships and such, I can manage to maintain. But time? Time ends, and there's nothing in the world that can stop that. I want all sixteen years of my life back, to replay over and over. Because to be honest, I pretty much love my life. And this is why I don't want to grow up; I don't want to see the end of all these things, because all the things that make me happy are here, right now. Ending any of them seems out of the question.
And then this. I don't want to end it, but sometimes, when I really, actually think about it, I don't want to continue it either. At least, not right now. So what do I want? It's simple and selfish: To have both things at once. To be waited for. It's completely unreasonable and unrealistic and I don't expect it to ever happen, but it still upsets me incredibly when it sounds like it's ending. The only solution that seems to be working is to keep making that little question mark of the Future an open possibility.
I keep persisting on it continuing, and once it sort of does I try to back away.
I know what I have to do. And I want to do it.
But the price I have to pay for that? Disgusting. No choice though, right?
I always believe things have solutions, you know? So nothing can really END end in finality. I always believe people can work things out, even if it's not necessary. I see nothing in my life ever ending; I see myself keeping all the same relationships just as tight as they are now, carried through college and the rest of my life. Unrealistic, but I believe it's possible.
It's why I'm always nostalgic as hell. I'll admit, most of the things I've gotten in life have been good, so when they inevitably end, it sucks. Relationships and such, I can manage to maintain. But time? Time ends, and there's nothing in the world that can stop that. I want all sixteen years of my life back, to replay over and over. Because to be honest, I pretty much love my life. And this is why I don't want to grow up; I don't want to see the end of all these things, because all the things that make me happy are here, right now. Ending any of them seems out of the question.
And then this. I don't want to end it, but sometimes, when I really, actually think about it, I don't want to continue it either. At least, not right now. So what do I want? It's simple and selfish: To have both things at once. To be waited for. It's completely unreasonable and unrealistic and I don't expect it to ever happen, but it still upsets me incredibly when it sounds like it's ending. The only solution that seems to be working is to keep making that little question mark of the Future an open possibility.
I keep persisting on it continuing, and once it sort of does I try to back away.
I know what I have to do. And I want to do it.
But the price I have to pay for that? Disgusting. No choice though, right?