i tried , so hard to make this work .

[kellie_rose]

ive been in sucha poopy mood lately , for so many reasons . most of it is because of erik .. i miss him more then words can describe . its so hard not having him here to talk to and just have fun with im in sucha bad mood and really to talk to . i could always tell him to come over and we'd talk about the greatest things and i'd feel 100 times better after talking to him . i guess another reason is because i dont really no what me and tyler are anymore . its like being together one second then everyone comes up to me to ask me if im ok because they heard about us breaking up . i just wish people would be honest , especially when there really serious things , like this . but i dont know what we are anymore .. and yah today would have been 1 month , which he still says is but i dont know what to think anymore . i just want someone i can trust and always count on , and someone who is just always there and i can depend on no matter what , and im not saying that i cant count on tyler , becasue i can and hes always been there for me but i just want to be together . i hate taking breaks and trying to make everything work , when i know from the start that it wont and ill just end up getting hurt , once again. i just want someone to love me and really actually , mean it . ive heard it so many times from the worst people .. and i've just had a really hard time trusting people anymore . its really hard for me .. i wish erik was here to talk to . i just wish everything would work out the way i want it to , perfect . tyler means so much to me and i truely love him with all my heart .. but a ttimes i feel like were nothing when i really want to be something . i think and cry so much about all of this going on .. and on top of all of this basketball is getting on my last nerve . its like one minute were amazing and the next minute , its just all falling apart . our coach is completly two-faced and really doesnt care , one bit , about all of the girls . i love all of them more then anything in this world .. and i just feel like he's trying to make us suck . trying to make us quit .. trying to make us think he suck . and i mean , its my last year i can do this and i really wanted this to be the best . as of now , its the complete opposite . i wish i had someone to talk to and really no what i was talking about .. there are so many things going into and out of my head right now that when i try to tell someone , i just dont know what to say . everything just goes completely blank. my friends have really been there for me through every part of my life , literally . and i know that sometimes i seem like im annoyed by everyone of you , and i feel like i just cant take everything anymore i realize that you guys are my life . simple as that .. each and everyone of you . i couldnt thank all of you enough . i know that im only 14 and yah i dont know anything about relashionships and stuff , but i know what im doing . i hate when everyone tries to protect me in things i know are stupid . i feel like everyone judges me as just one big mistake . and im really not at all .. i always feel like im hiding something inside though . like i've always wanted to tell certain people something when there really gay to me , but im scared . and i really dont know why im scared to admit what i really think .. i just hate when people judge you on the stupidest things .. but i guess all of this comes down to who really matters. i love everyone in my life and i wouldnt trade it for the world .

comment if you want .

<3 tyler