"We seem to be predisposed as a culture to denying that life is not about those kind of guarantees, and that's part of the point (and the joy) of it."
I really like the way that is put--that's exactly it, I think. I posted about this same article at my blog a few days ago to get my head wrapped around it. If you're familiar with Lori Gottlieb's writing (and Catherine Flannigan's too, for that matter), you know you have to take it with a grain of salt. Her articles are meant to be thought-proving and controversial... and they truly succeed at this. I think the article was very cogent and well-argued in fact, and I get the whole connection between early childhood development and later teen years. Yes, it's a bit simplistic due to the fact that there are tons of factors to one's upbringing (including community, school, peers, life experience, etc.) so you can't really isolate one factor and say "that's the culprit!" But at the core of the article, I believe it's true that we probably over-indulge and over-think the whole parenting thing (of course, speaking as a total non-parent, but just as an observer of the Stroller Nation). Children are born to be resilient and human babies are especially amazing at adapting. No matter how much we read up on parenting and all the millions of philosophies and techniques out there, at the base of it, we just can't control what happens--and we actually may be doing detriment by trying "too hard." There's a very fine line between giving babies what they "need" and what they "want" and I feel that, as a culture, we're leaning more and more towards giving our kids way more of what they "want" only because it easier in the short-term and it makes us feel better because of the immediate reward.
Well, yes and no in my opinion. I think mindful parenting is important. And I don't think most people overthink it. In fact, I think too few people ACTUALLY overthink their ACTUAL parenting practices and their reverberations. We are consumers of parenting advice, gear, etc -- but that's not actually the same as being mindful in my opinion. We get into "wars" over baby strollers versus baby carriers but most people still speak to their kids in ways that they would never speak to any other human in their life. We coddle children but give them no real agency either. I guess I would say I think there is too much overindulging and *under*thinking about the core stuff that actually matters. Too much micromanaging and too little thinking about how parenting is actually about giving and modeling TOOLS children can use to manage themselves.
Totally agreed! Mindful parenting is SO important--but there is a fine line between "mindful" and "indulging"/"micromanaging." And I think that's what Gottlieb is attempting to get at... Children don't need to be soothed for every little thing because it only makes them grumpy in the grand scheme of things.
One thing I did really like about that article? The pre-school teacher who just wants to tell kids to "knock it off!" but can't (or she'll get fired) really made me laugh. Today, when Niko was doing something he does all the time that I am always correcting him for (getting into the trash can, which I tell him is the ca ca corner), I remembered the article and said, "Yo! Knock it off!" and he totally closed the cabinet and walked away. It was awesome. I wonder if it'll work again tomorrow.
YO, KNOCK IT OFF! haha, I love it! That should be made into an adult children's book, right along with "Go The Fuck To Sleep" by Adam Mansbach. (Although, I have to admit that the vision of Niko crawling into the ca ca corner makes me smile.)
I really like the way that is put--that's exactly it, I think. I posted about this same article at my blog a few days ago to get my head wrapped around it. If you're familiar with Lori Gottlieb's writing (and Catherine Flannigan's too, for that matter), you know you have to take it with a grain of salt. Her articles are meant to be thought-proving and controversial... and they truly succeed at this. I think the article was very cogent and well-argued in fact, and I get the whole connection between early childhood development and later teen years. Yes, it's a bit simplistic due to the fact that there are tons of factors to one's upbringing (including community, school, peers, life experience, etc.) so you can't really isolate one factor and say "that's the culprit!" But at the core of the article, I believe it's true that we probably over-indulge and over-think the whole parenting thing (of course, speaking as a total non-parent, but just as an observer of the Stroller Nation). Children are born to be resilient and human babies are especially amazing at adapting. No matter how much we read up on parenting and all the millions of philosophies and techniques out there, at the base of it, we just can't control what happens--and we actually may be doing detriment by trying "too hard." There's a very fine line between giving babies what they "need" and what they "want" and I feel that, as a culture, we're leaning more and more towards giving our kids way more of what they "want" only because it easier in the short-term and it makes us feel better because of the immediate reward.
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Oh and hi NYC person! I just added you :)
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One thing I did really like about that article? The pre-school teacher who just wants to tell kids to "knock it off!" but can't (or she'll get fired) really made me laugh. Today, when Niko was doing something he does all the time that I am always correcting him for (getting into the trash can, which I tell him is the ca ca corner), I remembered the article and said, "Yo! Knock it off!" and he totally closed the cabinet and walked away. It was awesome. I wonder if it'll work again tomorrow.
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