... :/
Blah.
I haven't updated this thing in forever.. but I seriously feel the need to write somewhere. I have been dealing with many things lately, piling one after another with stress and heartache hand in hand. It's finally bringing me down enough lately where I just can't keep my mind off of everything.
I've for the most part changed into an optimistic person, and finally decided to start opening up to people. So far nothing much good has come from that. Not only have things gone wrong, but I lost some of who I am along the way as well. I'm trying so hard to look past everything and focus on other things. I tend to torture myself in the same ways, hoping it will be better next time, but it never is. I really put my heart into this, and maybe that's not such a good idea. I lost many friends this year, and I've put myself into a vulnerable position enough times to where I am starting to get tired of it. So honestly, I am backing away. I'm tired of all the half assed friendships I've been dealing with. I've been really dumb, and I have done things I should have never done. I've been thinking entirely the wrong way, going in blindly hoping for the best when I should have never let my guard down in the first place.
I can't sleep at all lately, I've been dealing with some anxiety again thats been attacking me at random times. I just honesly feel alone right now. I don't think I have ever quite felt this alone. I become upset, and I have nobody really to talk to. I've kept everything that's happened to me this year inside of me and I don't think I can hold it in much longer.. and seriously.. I just wish I could sleep.
I haven't updated this thing in forever.. but I seriously feel the need to write somewhere. I have been dealing with many things lately, piling one after another with stress and heartache hand in hand. It's finally bringing me down enough lately where I just can't keep my mind off of everything.
I've for the most part changed into an optimistic person, and finally decided to start opening up to people. So far nothing much good has come from that. Not only have things gone wrong, but I lost some of who I am along the way as well. I'm trying so hard to look past everything and focus on other things. I tend to torture myself in the same ways, hoping it will be better next time, but it never is. I really put my heart into this, and maybe that's not such a good idea. I lost many friends this year, and I've put myself into a vulnerable position enough times to where I am starting to get tired of it. So honestly, I am backing away. I'm tired of all the half assed friendships I've been dealing with. I've been really dumb, and I have done things I should have never done. I've been thinking entirely the wrong way, going in blindly hoping for the best when I should have never let my guard down in the first place.
I can't sleep at all lately, I've been dealing with some anxiety again thats been attacking me at random times. I just honesly feel alone right now. I don't think I have ever quite felt this alone. I become upset, and I have nobody really to talk to. I've kept everything that's happened to me this year inside of me and I don't think I can hold it in much longer.. and seriously.. I just wish I could sleep.