And the clock keeps ticking
I have been feeling down about life in general and I wanted to write or talk to someone who wouldn't judge me or who might even understand me.... they don't exist. So, I thought, what about a blog! Then, I remembered LiveJournal.... Can you believe its been nearly 3 years? I once said these exact words but when I write, it's always true.... This isn't going to make much sense... But why does it have to?
I have every reason to be happy.
Yet I find myself drowning in tears.
I found my love and it was where and with whom I least expected.
He adores me and I him.
But it scares me. I scare me.
Do I deserve this? Do I deserve him?
Will it last?
Will I screw it up?
Will he?
I cry and there seems to be no reason.
How wrong is it that I wish I was back in 2006, in my room, crying for days, just so that I would know the reason behind the tears?
Why do I have to question everything?
Why must I worry?
Why can't I just... be?
How did I loose touch with so many people?
How did I become so lonely?
Why do I feel the urge to tempt myself with the girl I once was?
Do I want to test myself on all the things I should have learned?
Do I want to prove that I have conquered those childish ways?
Isn't it childish to even put myself back in the shadows of my past-
Among the things that tortured me most.
I think so....
And yet the idea to visit the shadows is growing stronger as I type.
Just a quick visit.
Maybe a cup of coffee and a few memories shared.
A quick kiss on the cheek, a small smile, and I finally goodbye....
But would it be as simple as that, so easy?
Would the light I have today save me from being lost in the shadows of yesterday?
would the promise of a 1000 future sunrises save me from stumbling in the darkness of my past?
I hope so.
I need it to.
I need to be stronger than the girl curious about the lingering shadows. I need the light to shine just a little longer.
Please, my love, keep me out of the shadows.
I have every reason to be happy.
Yet I find myself drowning in tears.
I found my love and it was where and with whom I least expected.
He adores me and I him.
But it scares me. I scare me.
Do I deserve this? Do I deserve him?
Will it last?
Will I screw it up?
Will he?
I cry and there seems to be no reason.
How wrong is it that I wish I was back in 2006, in my room, crying for days, just so that I would know the reason behind the tears?
Why do I have to question everything?
Why must I worry?
Why can't I just... be?
How did I loose touch with so many people?
How did I become so lonely?
Why do I feel the urge to tempt myself with the girl I once was?
Do I want to test myself on all the things I should have learned?
Do I want to prove that I have conquered those childish ways?
Isn't it childish to even put myself back in the shadows of my past-
Among the things that tortured me most.
I think so....
And yet the idea to visit the shadows is growing stronger as I type.
Just a quick visit.
Maybe a cup of coffee and a few memories shared.
A quick kiss on the cheek, a small smile, and I finally goodbye....
But would it be as simple as that, so easy?
Would the light I have today save me from being lost in the shadows of yesterday?
would the promise of a 1000 future sunrises save me from stumbling in the darkness of my past?
I hope so.
I need it to.
I need to be stronger than the girl curious about the lingering shadows. I need the light to shine just a little longer.
Please, my love, keep me out of the shadows.