Always Part 3/5
Authors note: This one takes place in the middle of Affinity just after Sam shows Jack the ring box. The other events don't really matter but the rest of the episode deals with Teal'c moving off base and meeting a stupid young woman with a nasty boyfriend.
Jack sat in his office with his blinds drawn blocking him from anyone's view. His door was usually open and he was approachable, but when Walter opened the door a few minutes ago, he was met with a glare that caused him to shut the door again without a word.
Now an airman stood outside the door warning everyone away, unless the world was in imminent danger and the General was really needed.
The man in question was grateful for the privacy to think about this new development. When Sam had just been dating that guy Pete it was one thing, but now that there was a ring involved. Seeing that ring had torn a gaping wound where a healing sore had been. Since she had told him about Pete he had tried to hide his broken heart and Jack thought that he had done pretty well, but there were a few moments in that last year where his wall had fallen and emotions had escaped that little room where they were locked away. It was in these few moments his pain had shown through.
He missed the closeness he and Sam had shared as SG-1 and as friends, but that was all gone now. He had only been able to reclaim it for a few small moments since the day she was humming in the elevator. The first time had been just after they defeated the Kull warrior, and again when Janet died. Jack realized that he had a part of Carter that Pete never would. The same was true in reverse. They had been through fire together and forged a strong bond that nothing could break. Both of those incidents had given him hope that one day he would have it back, but today that hope was extinguished.
He knew what she wanted him to say, but he couldn't. As long as the Gou'ald were still out there they had no future. Neither of them were willing to sacrifice the world to be together. They knew the stakes and they accepted them, even if it meant sacrificing their happiness. If Carter thought that she could be happy with this Pete guy, he would not stand in her way; he loved her that much.
She would come to him when she needed him. He understood who she was better than Pete ever could. Just like she had when he foolishly downloaded that Database into his head again. She wanted to make sure he knew how she felt before he died, if he died. Just as she tried to find out how he felt with her stumbling question earlier, “What about you? If things had been different ...” Those words repeated over and over in his head. He knew what she wanted him to say but how could he? Someday, maybe was that anyway to live? No, he couldn't do that to her any longer. She had Pete and she loved him, Sam would have a chance to be happy, even if they could not be happy.
But did she mean what he thought she meant? Her word could have meant so many things; Sarah, Charlie or regulations. But which of those she did mean? Would his answer be the same or would it have been different? Could he have walked away from Carter and the team, to have Sam in his life? Leaving them to save the world without him. It had been hard enough when she was missing and he had to find her before that Kull guy. How would he have felt not knowing what was happening and been unable to help her?
He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. This year had been hell for both of them. Too many times they had met death toe to toe and some of their friends had not stepped back again. He thought after the Kull thing and Janet's death that she might...might what? Come back to him? Stay his little 2IC with no life, looking at him with adoring eyes? Is that really what he wanted for her, was he that selfish? He still had the ring....
He shook his head, no not really, but he didn't want her with, well, Pete. Heck he'd even take Daniel over that short stumpy guy.
Sighing heavily he decided to get to work. He would not influence her decision one way or the other, this whole thing was her choice, not his.
When he searched through the papers that littered his desk he came across another velvet box much like the one he had held earlier. It stared back at him mocking him and his failure to speak to her in time.
Cursing, he threw the box across the room. Slamming out of the room he did not look back. He wandered the halls looking for an answer, where he knew there was none.
Sam stared after Jack, wondering at his answer and looked back at the velvet box in her palm. Part of her wished that it was another ring inside the box from another person, namely Jack. Was Pete really what she wanted or was he safe, safer than even Jack? She didn't love Pete the same way she loved Jack. This meant that Pete couldn't hurt her the same way that Jack could.
Each time Jack went missing or was hurt, her heart was slowly pulled from her chest until she saw him alive and well again. It hurt so much with Jack, and yet only a few months ago Pete had been stabbed while making an arrest. She had not felt the anxious rush to be at his side as she did with Jack; that alone made Pete safe.
It hurt so much to be around Jack that she wasn’t sure if she could do this anymore. To be so close to him and not touch him, hold him, or love him. She couldn’t have Jack but she could have Pete. Sure Jack said he wouldn't be here if things were different, but they weren't. They couldn't be together no matter what they did. Neither was ready to walk away and leave the other's six unprotected.
Throwing the tool onto the bench, she rubbed her temples. She hated relationship stuff. Nothing left her more confused and feeling less confident about herself than her relationships with men. It was why she had stayed with Jonas Hanson for so long. It was one of the reasons why she had avoided another relationship for so long, she just hated how they made her feel. Except with Jack, she felt it could be different.
There was the first relationship, a very loose term, when she knew where she stood with him and what she meant to him. Even though neither of them said a word, they did not lie to one another or make false promises because they weren't needed. Both of them knew the cost of being together and neither one wanted to be the reason the world or the universe was destroyed. She knew Jack loved her and she him, but regulations and their ranks were in the way. She knew how much it hurt him to let her go but the fact that he had anyway only made her love him more.
Stopping her pacing she looked at the box again. There was the next step, she knew she loved Pete, but did she love him enough the share every part of her life with him? As long as the world needed saving there was no chance for her and Jack to have their happiness together. That meant if she wanted that life, kids and the white fence, she had to find it with someone else and give up any chance to be with Jack.
This might be her last chance for happiness. Pushing away the thought that she was deciding this for the wrong reasons, she slipped the ring on her finger. She would marry Pete but she would love Jack always.
Let me know if you liked it. Two more and then we will be at the end, review and you can see the ending much faster.
Jack sat in his office with his blinds drawn blocking him from anyone's view. His door was usually open and he was approachable, but when Walter opened the door a few minutes ago, he was met with a glare that caused him to shut the door again without a word.
Now an airman stood outside the door warning everyone away, unless the world was in imminent danger and the General was really needed.
The man in question was grateful for the privacy to think about this new development. When Sam had just been dating that guy Pete it was one thing, but now that there was a ring involved. Seeing that ring had torn a gaping wound where a healing sore had been. Since she had told him about Pete he had tried to hide his broken heart and Jack thought that he had done pretty well, but there were a few moments in that last year where his wall had fallen and emotions had escaped that little room where they were locked away. It was in these few moments his pain had shown through.
He missed the closeness he and Sam had shared as SG-1 and as friends, but that was all gone now. He had only been able to reclaim it for a few small moments since the day she was humming in the elevator. The first time had been just after they defeated the Kull warrior, and again when Janet died. Jack realized that he had a part of Carter that Pete never would. The same was true in reverse. They had been through fire together and forged a strong bond that nothing could break. Both of those incidents had given him hope that one day he would have it back, but today that hope was extinguished.
He knew what she wanted him to say, but he couldn't. As long as the Gou'ald were still out there they had no future. Neither of them were willing to sacrifice the world to be together. They knew the stakes and they accepted them, even if it meant sacrificing their happiness. If Carter thought that she could be happy with this Pete guy, he would not stand in her way; he loved her that much.
She would come to him when she needed him. He understood who she was better than Pete ever could. Just like she had when he foolishly downloaded that Database into his head again. She wanted to make sure he knew how she felt before he died, if he died. Just as she tried to find out how he felt with her stumbling question earlier, “What about you? If things had been different ...” Those words repeated over and over in his head. He knew what she wanted him to say but how could he? Someday, maybe was that anyway to live? No, he couldn't do that to her any longer. She had Pete and she loved him, Sam would have a chance to be happy, even if they could not be happy.
But did she mean what he thought she meant? Her word could have meant so many things; Sarah, Charlie or regulations. But which of those she did mean? Would his answer be the same or would it have been different? Could he have walked away from Carter and the team, to have Sam in his life? Leaving them to save the world without him. It had been hard enough when she was missing and he had to find her before that Kull guy. How would he have felt not knowing what was happening and been unable to help her?
He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. This year had been hell for both of them. Too many times they had met death toe to toe and some of their friends had not stepped back again. He thought after the Kull thing and Janet's death that she might...might what? Come back to him? Stay his little 2IC with no life, looking at him with adoring eyes? Is that really what he wanted for her, was he that selfish? He still had the ring....
He shook his head, no not really, but he didn't want her with, well, Pete. Heck he'd even take Daniel over that short stumpy guy.
Sighing heavily he decided to get to work. He would not influence her decision one way or the other, this whole thing was her choice, not his.
When he searched through the papers that littered his desk he came across another velvet box much like the one he had held earlier. It stared back at him mocking him and his failure to speak to her in time.
Cursing, he threw the box across the room. Slamming out of the room he did not look back. He wandered the halls looking for an answer, where he knew there was none.
Sam stared after Jack, wondering at his answer and looked back at the velvet box in her palm. Part of her wished that it was another ring inside the box from another person, namely Jack. Was Pete really what she wanted or was he safe, safer than even Jack? She didn't love Pete the same way she loved Jack. This meant that Pete couldn't hurt her the same way that Jack could.
Each time Jack went missing or was hurt, her heart was slowly pulled from her chest until she saw him alive and well again. It hurt so much with Jack, and yet only a few months ago Pete had been stabbed while making an arrest. She had not felt the anxious rush to be at his side as she did with Jack; that alone made Pete safe.
It hurt so much to be around Jack that she wasn’t sure if she could do this anymore. To be so close to him and not touch him, hold him, or love him. She couldn’t have Jack but she could have Pete. Sure Jack said he wouldn't be here if things were different, but they weren't. They couldn't be together no matter what they did. Neither was ready to walk away and leave the other's six unprotected.
Throwing the tool onto the bench, she rubbed her temples. She hated relationship stuff. Nothing left her more confused and feeling less confident about herself than her relationships with men. It was why she had stayed with Jonas Hanson for so long. It was one of the reasons why she had avoided another relationship for so long, she just hated how they made her feel. Except with Jack, she felt it could be different.
There was the first relationship, a very loose term, when she knew where she stood with him and what she meant to him. Even though neither of them said a word, they did not lie to one another or make false promises because they weren't needed. Both of them knew the cost of being together and neither one wanted to be the reason the world or the universe was destroyed. She knew Jack loved her and she him, but regulations and their ranks were in the way. She knew how much it hurt him to let her go but the fact that he had anyway only made her love him more.
Stopping her pacing she looked at the box again. There was the next step, she knew she loved Pete, but did she love him enough the share every part of her life with him? As long as the world needed saving there was no chance for her and Jack to have their happiness together. That meant if she wanted that life, kids and the white fence, she had to find it with someone else and give up any chance to be with Jack.
This might be her last chance for happiness. Pushing away the thought that she was deciding this for the wrong reasons, she slipped the ring on her finger. She would marry Pete but she would love Jack always.
Let me know if you liked it. Two more and then we will be at the end, review and you can see the ending much faster.