here we go again....
why do i always do this to myself? i always question myself out of my happiness and i always wonder why i get picked for something special. i always wonder whether or not what someone tells me is the truth. i know that i need to trust him with all my heart and im trying to trust him with all my heart but i question how commited i am. i know that i love him but my brain is telling me to not to trust him cause i might get hurt and i really dont wanna get hurt and im afraid that that is what is gonna happen. He is everything that i could ever want and im soo happy that i found him i just am nervous about knowing that he is the one for me and i am questioning his emotions. like maybe i love him more than he loves me and if i put myself into the relationship, im gonna end up getting hurt really bad and i dont think that i could handle having my heart ripped out and stomped on in front of me. and im scared of losing myself. and becoming something that i am not. i guess the true test will be christmas break. we might not see each other for almost 3 weeks. and im scared for the distance and for the changes that might occur. im scared of him finding something better than me... and he feels like he wasted his time with me. hope is trying to convince me that he wont find someone else but still... i wanna trust him but its almost too good to be true. and i think that im in a fairy tale or a movie even. i know how i have to be but im scared... and i dont know if hes gonna read this but i do love him with all my heart... im just not sure if i love him more than he love me and i jumped in too fast