(no subject)
I really wanted to go with him. it would have been amazing. Honestly. but i am glad that i realised i cant. i cant put myself through that bull shit again. not anymore. but it was the cutest, sweetest most perfect date ever. "Come with meee. we'll go to a punkin patch and carve pumkins. Then we can go to that one apple orchard we went to last year. and pick apples. and drink apple cider. and have a picnic dinner."
is that not perfect? is that not me? why did i say no??? I know why. it is because i am just another girl to him, and i wont matter at all when he goes back to college. just another notch on his bedpost...
the day is ok. im emotional right now... a lot of things going on in my life. i finally called my cousin and talked to her for like three hours and just spilled my emotions out. it felt nice to be able to say anything i wanted. Kait and aub and shan and i are reconnecting. its getting to be like old times. =)
i cant believe that was the last home game for me. i will never twirl there again. but im not emotional about things like that because i feel as though its just another chapter in life that makes up my story. and its time to close that chapter... and im ok with that. marching band has been a huge part of my life for the past four years, and it makes me sad because i never reached out to other people. everyone else did...just not me. i feel as though i wasted those years and good times. i came out with a few aquaintances, but no real friends. except i thought one was real...but i was obviously mistaken... and thats ok too.
i wonder waht is in store for me. what does god have planned for me after this? hmmm...
A one at MSBOA makes me happy =) even if i act like i dont care. thats fucking sweet. a one! good job to everyone who is in the show... you made it what it was. i hope this group of kids... these people... become a legend, because we should. No Joke.
is that not perfect? is that not me? why did i say no??? I know why. it is because i am just another girl to him, and i wont matter at all when he goes back to college. just another notch on his bedpost...
the day is ok. im emotional right now... a lot of things going on in my life. i finally called my cousin and talked to her for like three hours and just spilled my emotions out. it felt nice to be able to say anything i wanted. Kait and aub and shan and i are reconnecting. its getting to be like old times. =)
i cant believe that was the last home game for me. i will never twirl there again. but im not emotional about things like that because i feel as though its just another chapter in life that makes up my story. and its time to close that chapter... and im ok with that. marching band has been a huge part of my life for the past four years, and it makes me sad because i never reached out to other people. everyone else did...just not me. i feel as though i wasted those years and good times. i came out with a few aquaintances, but no real friends. except i thought one was real...but i was obviously mistaken... and thats ok too.
i wonder waht is in store for me. what does god have planned for me after this? hmmm...
A one at MSBOA makes me happy =) even if i act like i dont care. thats fucking sweet. a one! good job to everyone who is in the show... you made it what it was. i hope this group of kids... these people... become a legend, because we should. No Joke.