Excerpts from FB
So I wrote this whole big thing on FaceBook, because a bunch of my friends were whining at me for not having done so. Well excuse me for loving my Elljay! Hmmph. But even then, I gave it the Cliff's Notes version, like that Yuletide mass-mailer in which you don't want to get too graphic. But since my LJ is more like the actual holiday dinner table, on which every bit of the dirt is dished out, I felt like coming over here and elaborating on a few things. Stop me if you heard it before.
(well not that I'd really stop)
"There is absolutely nothing new happening in my life. And I kinda like it that way for now. I'm not "hiding" from anything. I'm broke, but that's not what keeps me in the house. I just had a big, huge, melodramatic meltdown on the way home from work tonight, over money and the lack of it, and all kinds of shit I should be doing better... You guys would have gotten a kick out of it. My sister didn't. ;P"
Actually, of late I seem to be kind of searching for something old to come back into my life (no, I don't mean Prison Boyfriend, lol). A few years back, I had this ...lifestyle-thing going that I really enjoyed. It did not consist of much- really, just work (I was cooking at Angeli still), bar, home. Sometimes there was an event or a thing. But mostly, I just went home and got online. Okay, well it was also the first few months after Katrina, so I also had that huge liter bottle of Wild Turkey perpetually sitting on the floor right by the comp (a component that I would not necessarily want to now duplicate). But it was a routine and a feeling that I remember very fondly; and I feel like it came to too abrupt of a halt.
There were the two "best" friends, who are no longer a couple, convinced that I was "spending too much time alone". So they endeavored to fix me up with a fellow. It was New Year's Eve, 2005.
That fellow was the last person I fell in love with. He broke my heart like nobody's business.
The next year was a blur of impulsive decisions, moving, bad dates, Germany, and oh, so fucking much booze.
Oh, then pneumonia, emphysema, Doggie, quitting smoking, gaining weight. A bad summer. Then -what the fuck was I thinking???- that ex-scourge-ion to Georgifloribama and back. Follwed by multiple couch surfing. And then...
Oy, the "best friend" of yore, back in town and freshly broke up with his own, destructive, personal Marla Singer. He needed me. So I moved in, allowed myself to become entrenched in his drama. Wound up back around the people who were my core everything, back when things were "good". Only things had become bad. Nothing was right anymore. I wound up having bad, drunken, angry sexcapades, with exactly the wrong person. A lot of things wound up wrong. The "best friend" wound up really badly fucking me over. Wound up throwing me out of the house with no notice.
More couch surfing.
Then I wound up here. This place, this block; the Peyton Place of Bizarro-World, and all its dramas and bullshit. And me, hanging on by a thread. Is it any wonder why I long for those "simpler times"?
I feel like I missed something there; something I really want to get back. Maybe if I readopt the pattern, maybe something will come back to me. And maybe I won't miss it this time.
Oh, BTW
Today was (that is to say, Aug 7th. It's not Aug 8th to me yet, since I just got home and haven't been to bed, nor has the sun come up) my Daddy's birthday. If he hadn't passed, he would have been 84 today. Happy Birthday, Daddy. It was also my pet rat, Penelope's birthday. She was birthdayed after my dad.
.
(well not that I'd really stop)
"There is absolutely nothing new happening in my life. And I kinda like it that way for now. I'm not "hiding" from anything. I'm broke, but that's not what keeps me in the house. I just had a big, huge, melodramatic meltdown on the way home from work tonight, over money and the lack of it, and all kinds of shit I should be doing better... You guys would have gotten a kick out of it. My sister didn't. ;P"
Actually, of late I seem to be kind of searching for something old to come back into my life (no, I don't mean Prison Boyfriend, lol). A few years back, I had this ...lifestyle-thing going that I really enjoyed. It did not consist of much- really, just work (I was cooking at Angeli still), bar, home. Sometimes there was an event or a thing. But mostly, I just went home and got online. Okay, well it was also the first few months after Katrina, so I also had that huge liter bottle of Wild Turkey perpetually sitting on the floor right by the comp (a component that I would not necessarily want to now duplicate). But it was a routine and a feeling that I remember very fondly; and I feel like it came to too abrupt of a halt.
There were the two "best" friends, who are no longer a couple, convinced that I was "spending too much time alone". So they endeavored to fix me up with a fellow. It was New Year's Eve, 2005.
That fellow was the last person I fell in love with. He broke my heart like nobody's business.
The next year was a blur of impulsive decisions, moving, bad dates, Germany, and oh, so fucking much booze.
Oh, then pneumonia, emphysema, Doggie, quitting smoking, gaining weight. A bad summer. Then -what the fuck was I thinking???- that ex-scourge-ion to Georgifloribama and back. Follwed by multiple couch surfing. And then...
Oy, the "best friend" of yore, back in town and freshly broke up with his own, destructive, personal Marla Singer. He needed me. So I moved in, allowed myself to become entrenched in his drama. Wound up back around the people who were my core everything, back when things were "good". Only things had become bad. Nothing was right anymore. I wound up having bad, drunken, angry sexcapades, with exactly the wrong person. A lot of things wound up wrong. The "best friend" wound up really badly fucking me over. Wound up throwing me out of the house with no notice.
More couch surfing.
Then I wound up here. This place, this block; the Peyton Place of Bizarro-World, and all its dramas and bullshit. And me, hanging on by a thread. Is it any wonder why I long for those "simpler times"?
I feel like I missed something there; something I really want to get back. Maybe if I readopt the pattern, maybe something will come back to me. And maybe I won't miss it this time.
Oh, BTW
Today was (that is to say, Aug 7th. It's not Aug 8th to me yet, since I just got home and haven't been to bed, nor has the sun come up) my Daddy's birthday. If he hadn't passed, he would have been 84 today. Happy Birthday, Daddy. It was also my pet rat, Penelope's birthday. She was birthdayed after my dad.
.