goodmorning!
i start school today and im so excited. yay. im not too excited that its snowing out though cause i hate snow and i have come to realize, i hate driving. the past few days have been horrible for me. im totally falling apart even more than i have with my parents. and it sucks. i dont know. i think our family really needs to go to councelling because right now everyone is just having problems and i think its the last straw. i also got in a car accident..my fault, careless driving...no one is hurt..my sister is sore..she was with me....and so far $2500.00 worth of damage..and i gotta pay for it cause i did it..and my parents dont want to go through insurance because of my stupidity everyones insurance will be sky rocketed. so who knows....nothing is going to well with that...i really want for our family to become one. and i really do want to be close with my mother but its hard. she puts up a barrier and i think i do with her as well. but deep down im scared of her...and i dont know why.
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last nite got out with vanessa and she talked with me and helped me out a little...went to chapters and bought this karla holmoka book...so im anxious to read it....and with school maybe it will help me keep my mind off things....and i can cope better...because i have been really sick...and moody....and i just dont know anymore......or maybe i should go to councelling for myself.....it would be good if a professional to help me out....my friends are great but its just not enough.
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also i wrote a letter to louie telling him i wasnt waiting for him and not to call me anymore...cause my dad just gave me a reality check and really i dont wanna wait because hes nothing, no goals and so forth but thats not to say that i dont have feelings for him still....i just think its better off this way for now, one less thing that i dont need in my life right now....this is my life and i gotta start bettering myself....and i have to be selfish and stand up to want i want..and just do it...cause if not im not gonna go anywhere but back down again...and i realized working at oakrun isnt taking me anywhere higher because i know its not gonna be a career for me...so thats why i gotta go to school and better myself and be around more sophisated people to help me motivate myself for the better...
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anyways......wow..i didnt expect to let that all out..but i need to shower and stuff....
***
last nite got out with vanessa and she talked with me and helped me out a little...went to chapters and bought this karla holmoka book...so im anxious to read it....and with school maybe it will help me keep my mind off things....and i can cope better...because i have been really sick...and moody....and i just dont know anymore......or maybe i should go to councelling for myself.....it would be good if a professional to help me out....my friends are great but its just not enough.
***
also i wrote a letter to louie telling him i wasnt waiting for him and not to call me anymore...cause my dad just gave me a reality check and really i dont wanna wait because hes nothing, no goals and so forth but thats not to say that i dont have feelings for him still....i just think its better off this way for now, one less thing that i dont need in my life right now....this is my life and i gotta start bettering myself....and i have to be selfish and stand up to want i want..and just do it...cause if not im not gonna go anywhere but back down again...and i realized working at oakrun isnt taking me anywhere higher because i know its not gonna be a career for me...so thats why i gotta go to school and better myself and be around more sophisated people to help me motivate myself for the better...
***
anyways......wow..i didnt expect to let that all out..but i need to shower and stuff....