I should be studying.
Things have happened. I tried to point-form it, since it's been most of a year since I last posted. Unfortunately, I can't make myself post it, due to not wanting to hurt anyone any more than I already have.
I live with a girl from choir now, and we're dating two boys who are best friends. I'm still in school, which I don't have enough time for right now, which is why I should be studying right now. I'm still working in the same store, and have been promoted to head cashier, which means earlier, longer, slightly more stressful shifts, and am scheduled for more days, but it's good for the money, at least.
It's my first night to just sit and think in a long time, which is why I'm writing this instead of studying for the midterm I have in two days. I also have a paper due that day that's researched but unwritten.
It's been a long semester, but it's flown by. I usually feel okay, but right now I just want to curl up in bed and forget everything. Not because everything has been bad, but because I can't always deal with the guilt, and when I'm alone and undistracted, the guilt tries to drown me.
I wish things could have gone differently, but I couldn't have stayed without hurting myself and you more than I have. I'm so sorry. I want you to be happy, and I want to be able to help that happiness, but I know that I can't, and you don't want me to try anymore. So here I am, back to late night posting because I have no other way to communicate with you.
If you ever read this, I want you to know how important you've been to me.
I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?
Please be okay.
I live with a girl from choir now, and we're dating two boys who are best friends. I'm still in school, which I don't have enough time for right now, which is why I should be studying right now. I'm still working in the same store, and have been promoted to head cashier, which means earlier, longer, slightly more stressful shifts, and am scheduled for more days, but it's good for the money, at least.
It's my first night to just sit and think in a long time, which is why I'm writing this instead of studying for the midterm I have in two days. I also have a paper due that day that's researched but unwritten.
It's been a long semester, but it's flown by. I usually feel okay, but right now I just want to curl up in bed and forget everything. Not because everything has been bad, but because I can't always deal with the guilt, and when I'm alone and undistracted, the guilt tries to drown me.
I wish things could have gone differently, but I couldn't have stayed without hurting myself and you more than I have. I'm so sorry. I want you to be happy, and I want to be able to help that happiness, but I know that I can't, and you don't want me to try anymore. So here I am, back to late night posting because I have no other way to communicate with you.
If you ever read this, I want you to know how important you've been to me.
I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?
Please be okay.