OHHH MYYY GOD!!!! I AM SO STRESSED OUT!!!
OOOK..... so here goes.... me and Mike had been having problems lately and i felt like he was ignoring me which he sorta was and i asked him to come over one night so we could talk and he supposedly couldn't.....i hadn't really seen him much since the week b4 and i wanted to spend time w/ him and i felt depressed b/c i never got to see him anymore and then Vanessa calls up Matt and asks him WTF is going on w/ me and Mike and Matt tells her that whenever i had called to have Mike come over he put his hand over the reciever and told him to say no so it seemed like Matt wouldn't take him.... and then they went out and did a bunch of crap which did not include much bowling like he had told me he was gunna do so he calls me back and i almost burst into tears just talking to him b/c he lied to me.... so then the next day at school i give him a kind of poem about my feelings at the time.... so wanna hear it?
ok here it is...
If you want to be with me I don't wanna hear lies. If you're gunna be with me there's no need to be shy. Look me in the eyes and tell me things gaven't changed since the last time i saw you. If you want your time thats fine but you gatta tell me. I can't read your mind so please tell me. I love being with you- it's so hard not to. I don't need more drama in my life so just let me know whats up. Baby you know how much i care, it's obvious... I tend to over do things a lot byt thats the way i am- my heart does all the talking and my brain does all the walking.. So when i do something stupid i'm sorry. I don't mean to move too fast... it's the way i've learned to handle relationships in the past.These days seem to be filled with drama which makes me go in crazy ever twisting circles. All i want is to find a corner where i can curl up and hide away from the hurt of loving too soon. I really do care for you and i want things to work out with you. I'm gunna give you a break and stop my heart ache and see where things go from here.
SO... there you have it. thats what he read and thats how i felt.....so yesterday was Jimmy's B-Day and that was cool cuz i went to his party... it was me.. Matt.. Mike... Josh Gwen... Chris and Jimmy. Jimmy had recorded w/ his video camera some funny shit that went on b4 i got there and then after i got there..Matt took over and started makin jokes and dedications to Jimmy. So after that Josh calls Vanessa and we all go over to her place and soon after Josh leaves b/c he's bored. So i start to snuggle w/ Mike and what not and we kiss a bit because we hadn't kissed in a while and i like kissing and he didn't want to kiss me and i was like fine and in my head thought "fuck you too... i don't love ya either...." and i felt depressed cuz things kept getting worse and worse and i went in Vanessa's bathroom sat next to the tub and saw a knife on the floor... it was only a butter knife though.... i was holding it staring at it hoping it would turn into a steak knife and sat there and started imagining that was bleeding to death and that i was dieing and then Vanessa comes in the bathroom and talks to me and i cry my eyes out and she puts me back together like always (Thanks Nessa... i love you) and i'm ok for a while and then i sit with Mike again and we have ice cream cake and pizza at the same time.... wow... so then Mike and Matt and Jimmy all have to leave and i kiss Mike good bye and i'm like how bout another kiss baby and he's like.... "No..." and i'm thinkin "WTF IS THE PROBLEM?!?!? he doesn't like me anymore does he?" so i sit down on the couch and i'm about to cry some more and he's like are you coming outside? and i go " NO.." and then he leaves and i cry a lot and Vanessa comes in and asks me if i wanna know what the hell is going on and i don't answer her and shes like well if you don't i do so she calls Matt up again and she has me on the phone too and Matt says that i was acting really dumb b/c i got upset cuz he wouldn't kiss me and was making fun of me which hurt and then he said that Mike said he had wished he had gotten to know me better b4 we went out and that he didn't kiss me because i just ate pizza.... it's like WTF IS WRONG?!?!?!?! so Vanessa lets him go and i bawl my eyes out and can't stop crying for like 5-10 min and i take a shower and try to forget things and try to figure out a way to work things out w/ him so we don't have to break up and so i decide to give him space and talk to him like 1 or 2 times a week..... and so i see him b4 2nd hour this morning and he walks w/ me b/c his class is somewhat by mine and he hugs me and that was about it.... and I called him tonight to talk to him about what he wanted to do as far as our relationship went and Chris told Vanessa it was just a rough spot... and so i asked him if thats what he thought it was and he said no b/c it hadn't been that long since we started goin out and i was like well gatta go hung up and cryed some more and then called Vanessa and she told me everything would be ok and i calmed down and called Mike back and broke up w/ him because i've gone through too much shit and he hurt me more than he knows.... and i don't know if i even want to be friends.... and i'm kinda glad i did it b/c i don't need to be crying while he ignores me... he IS a bad b/f.... he said a week or so b4 that he thought he was a bad b/f because it seemed to him that he was ignoring me.... he wasn't at that point and time but after time he was.... so oh well.... anyways gatta jet... about to go out w/ some friends...... bye bye.... have fun! i know i will :) hehehe watch out Vanessa i'm comin over!!!!