Standing still in your past . . .
Unpleasant anniversaries are made worse when they fall on the heels of one another. Memories of these two events, one in the deep recesses of my past and the other still fresh after only a year, made me anxious and withdrawn all weekend. I felt guilty that I was lost inside myself and feel doubly guilty that the layers of insecurity were striped bare. I did all I could to hold it in but there were instances in which my anxiety was frighteningly palpable.
I did my best to soldier on but now I feel as if I should have fessed up. At the same time, I don't want to seem difficult or damaged -- even after contradictory late-night confessions. Now that I'm finally crawling out of the mire I don't want to ever admit to past failures and disasters. I'm better now than I've been in a long time. All this "wellness" just makes me more ashamed of my past.
Oh, how I do hate the first two weeks of November.
I did my best to soldier on but now I feel as if I should have fessed up. At the same time, I don't want to seem difficult or damaged -- even after contradictory late-night confessions. Now that I'm finally crawling out of the mire I don't want to ever admit to past failures and disasters. I'm better now than I've been in a long time. All this "wellness" just makes me more ashamed of my past.
Oh, how I do hate the first two weeks of November.