Life is strange when you 're a stranger...
to yourself.
You know, everyone goes through tough times and has fucked up things that happen in their life. Everyone's family is dysfunctional in one way or another. Growing up, my father was an alcoholic. I am the youngest in my family by 7 years. And when I was a child I knew what was going on...and I guess my family...as apparently most alcoholic families do...pretended that nothing was wrong. In a way I feel lucky that my father didn't abuse us. He didn't beat us or treat us badly. But I suppose I feel like he didn't treat us in any way at all. In a way I feel like I didn't have a father.
I've always felt like I was a sane person. Like I have my shit together. But over and over again...I am reminded in some way how my dysfunctional family has affected me and my life in some dysfunctional way. And in a way, I get pissed off. Gad damn it! I try so hard to be normal...or sane or good...or however you want to put it. I try to have my shit together. And just when I think things are going well, I'm reminded that my shit isn't necessarily together...it's just been swept under the rug.
Well recently, that rug has been lifted. And I've been left to, yet again, re-examine my family and my childhood...and see how I can return to feeling angry at my parents for what they didn't do...or what they didn't give or have to give.
But I suppose once I get over the anger...I'll have just a little bit more of my "shit" T O G E T H E R
Wish me luck.
You know, everyone goes through tough times and has fucked up things that happen in their life. Everyone's family is dysfunctional in one way or another. Growing up, my father was an alcoholic. I am the youngest in my family by 7 years. And when I was a child I knew what was going on...and I guess my family...as apparently most alcoholic families do...pretended that nothing was wrong. In a way I feel lucky that my father didn't abuse us. He didn't beat us or treat us badly. But I suppose I feel like he didn't treat us in any way at all. In a way I feel like I didn't have a father.
I've always felt like I was a sane person. Like I have my shit together. But over and over again...I am reminded in some way how my dysfunctional family has affected me and my life in some dysfunctional way. And in a way, I get pissed off. Gad damn it! I try so hard to be normal...or sane or good...or however you want to put it. I try to have my shit together. And just when I think things are going well, I'm reminded that my shit isn't necessarily together...it's just been swept under the rug.
Well recently, that rug has been lifted. And I've been left to, yet again, re-examine my family and my childhood...and see how I can return to feeling angry at my parents for what they didn't do...or what they didn't give or have to give.
But I suppose once I get over the anger...I'll have just a little bit more of my "shit" T O G E T H E R
Wish me luck.