Fic: Catching Fire, Ch. 18b/22: Courage To Be Safe (NC-17)
Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14a 14b 15 16a 16b 17a 17b 18a
The ‘Pinard/Jablonski’ dynamic, as Pike put it, was indeed extremely off-putting. Paired with someone much like himself, Jablonski regressed past ill-mannered frat-boy and well into ape territory. Len just hunkered down into his laptop and ignored them, and noted that Gaila, Christine, and Chekov had also withdrawn from the part of the ready room they had taken over.
Len’s ears automatically tuned into part of their conversation, right after the ambulance got back from a run, shortly before ten p.m.
“Well, I don’t care if that pansy-ass needs a shift off because he has a boo-boo. I can always use the overtime,” Pinard said.
Len looked up from his laptop. He saved his document, and closed the computer. He was about to get up, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Not worth it, Len,” Christine said quietly. “Besides, I just tattled to Cap that the gorillas are getting out of hand.”
Pike indeed came into the ready room, heading casually to the kitchen area. He grabbed his mug of its hook, and poured himself a cup of coffee.
“And speaking of him, why do you let him keep calling you that gay nickname? I mean, you let a faggot call you ‘Cupcake?’ What the fuck?” Pinard said.
Pike stepped up to the duo, and made his presence known. The room suddenly got even quieter than it was when Pike walked in.
“What’s up, Cap?” Pinard said.
“What’s ‘up,’ is that I won’t tolerate slurs against my crew. Not from the public, and certainly not from another firefighter. You’re banned from the ready room for the rest of the shift, except to silently enter to get food or drink. Dismissed,” Pike said, and returned to the kitchen area. He opened the refrigerator, and poured a splash of milk into his coffee. With his back to Pinard, he took a sip, and set his mug on the counter. After a few seconds, he turned around, and saw Pinard still standing there, slack-jawed.
“Did you misunderstand?” Pike said.
“Uh, no sir.”
Pinard left the room, leaving Pike and Jablonski face to face.
“Would it have killed you to defend your partner?” Pike said to Carl.
“Uh, nossir. He’s a good man-Kirk, I mean. Even if … I mean, he’s a good man. That’s all.”
“Yes, he is. I’m glad we agree on that.”
Pike sat at the table, and reached for the newspaper in the middle. “Anyone reading this?”
Everyone shook their heads. Pike picked up the paper, and drank his coffee while reading Section A. For a few minutes, nobody in the room said a word. Gaila turned the TV volume on, and then things seemed more normal. Or, at least, less silent.
Len was about to open his laptop and continue working on his document-the draft of a cover letter for interview requests at his various residency possibilities-but then changed his mind. Instead, he picked up his phone and texted Jim.
[You still up?]
Two minutes (or approximately sixty times his usual response time) later, Jim texted back.
[yep call you in 5] was Jim’s reply.
[Okay.]
Leonard assumed he was probably talking to Winona, or maybe Sam. He got himself a cup of coffee, and on his way back to the table, Chris Pike’s eyes caught his. Len paused, and mouthed ‘thank you.’ Pike nodded, and returned to his paper, which Len wasn’t entirely convinced he was actually reading.
A few minutes later, Len’s phone vibrated in his pocket. The display said the call was from Jim. He answered, making his way out of the ready room.
“Hey. I’m just going to grab my coat so I can go outside. How’re you doing?” Len went to his gear rack and grabbed his coat so he could go outside, the only place where it was possible to have a private conversation.
“Hiya, Bones. I’m doing okay, actually. I’m at my mom’s, like I said. Sam came over for a little while, on his own, and we all just … talked. I … uh … it was really good. We mostly ended up talking about Dad-well, Mom talking, and me and Sam listening. And the whole time, Mom was getting phone calls from old friends of Dad’s from ICPD. I got a few too. And I got a call from the Chief, too, commending me for my ‘professionalism and heroism in the face of personal adversity.’ Heroism. Can you believe that? I mean, I was just doing my job. The whole thing is just … surreal.”
“I bet,” Len said. “No flak, I hope, for actually rescuing the guy?”
“No. Everyone seems to know better than that, thank goodness. Or at least to know better than to say it, even if they’re thinking it.”
“I think everyone who puts their life on the line for others would have to understand that you can’t choose who you save and who you don’t, unless it’s a horrendous case of having to triage. But it wasn’t.”
“Nope. Anyhow-I’ll have plenty of time to think about stuff tonight. Mom just turned in for the night, and there’s no way I’m sleeping for another few hours.”
“Don’t … Jim, promise me you won’t beat yourself up over any of this. Or if you feel like you’re going to, call me. I’m staying awake for this shift. So call me, all right? And if I don’t answer, it means I’m out on a call.”
“I don’t think I’m gonna beat myself up, Bones. Honest. But I’ll call you if I feel something coming on. I mean, other than sheer, unadulterated lust for your hot bod. That, I probably shouldn’t call you at work for. But it might be fun to make you-”
“Are you sure you’re actually a grown-up?” Len said, scowling fondly-an expression he’d invented solely for one James T. Kirk.
“Uh, not always,” Jim said, laughing. “I keep you young, though, Bones. Admit it.”
“Either that or drive me screaming into an early grave.”
“Nah-you don’t have any more gray hair than when I first laid eyes on you. And you know what I realized?” Jim continued.
“What, darlin’?”
“Except on shift, we haven’t not slept together since we first slept together. I’ll miss you tonight.”
“Me too. Even though I won’t be sleeping.”
The tones sounded, announcing an MVA call for the engine and the ambulance.
“Hey, I gotta go-MVA.”
“Be safe, Bones. See you in the morning. Love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
~!~!~!~
Ten minutes before the end of the shift, which had been about average in terms of number and complexity of calls for the ambulance, Len’s phone buzzed again.
[im @ ur house], Jim texted.
[Good. See you soon.]
[ill tuck you in]
[Punctuation: it’s not just a good idea. It’s the rule.]
[old fart. there. happy? still tucking you in tho unless ur not 2 tired 4 luv]
[Never too tired for you until you tire me out.]
[ha ha good c u soon <3 u]
[I heart you too. I love you, even. See you in half an hour.]
[k]
Len shoved his phone back in his pocket, and jumped as someone said his name.
“Len!” said a female voice.
Leonard turned and saw Colleen Platt, the paramedic from C-shift.
“Hi, Colleen.” Len always thanked his lucky stars that his counterparts on the shifts that typically took over after B-shift always arrived in a timely fashion. Colleen was in uniform and ready to go.
“Heard B-shift had quite a call at Roma the other night.”
“Yep. We won’t be going there again any time soon. And if it does ever re-open, it’ll have to be under new management. Which can’t possibly be worse than the old.”
“True. And hey, you’re pretty tight with Jim Kirk. I saw he wasn’t here this shift. He okay after that bailout?”
“Mostly. Just a turned ankle. Which isn’t a big deal for most people, but if you’ve got one, you shouldn’t go up on a flaming rooftop with a running chainsaw. Hypothetically speaking.”
The ambulance’s tones dropped, three minutes before the shift was over.
“I’ll take it,” Colleen said. “You get out of here. You look beat.”
“Thanks,” Len said. He clocked out, and went into the locker room to change into his civvies, and was in his car five minutes later. Twenty minutes after that, he was opening his front door. Three minutes after that, he had been tenderly stripped and was in the shower with Jim.
“Gonna take care of you this time, Bones,” Jim said.
“Mmm,” Len replied, relaxing under the stream of warm water, enjoying the feeling of Jim’s hands and fingers massaging shampoo into his scalp, not to mention the feeling of their naked, slippery bodies sliding against each other. “Shoulda just come home naked, saved a few minutes on both ends of the trip.”
“I’m sure nobody at the station would’ve raised an eyebrow if you’d gotten into your car naked as a jaybird.”
“Nah. Mmmm, ‘s nice,” Len murmured, as Jim finished rinsing his hair and soaped his body up. He found himself becoming aroused and relaxed at the same time, a rare combination for him. Jim read him perfectly, though, continuing his gentle ministrations but turning to face him and coat his neck with a line of kisses as they rinsed under the perfectly warm spray. As Jim’s kisses reached Len’s lips, Len wrapped his arms around Jim lightly, and traced his way up and down the strong muscles along either side of Jim’s spine, as they both moved their bodies side to side against each other’s gently, their cocks slickly crossing and uncrossing against each other.
Out of the corner of his mostly-closed eyes, Len saw Jim swipe his hand across the soap. He felt Jim’s hand slip between them, catching their cocks together. Len closed his eyes the rest of the way as Jim started stroking them both lightly, with a languorous pace which, if Len were in a different mood, would have been sheer torture. As it was, it was perfect, and Len hummed a gentle noise of bliss into Jim’s kiss.
Jim clasped Len’s hand with his free left hand, and they twined their fingers together, as Len used his remaining hand to stroke as much of Jim’s skin as he could reach without interrupting the proceedings. After a while, Len could tell from Jim’s breathing that he would come soon, and he opened his eyes to watch Jim’s face as he came.
Jim didn’t come with his usual shout, but instead with hoarse words, almost a sob. “Ah, Bones!”
“Love you, darlin’,” Len said, and followed his words with a chaser of a low groan into Jim’s neck as he came.
Jim milked them both through the aftershocks, stopping only when it was almost too much. At the same time, the water began to run cool, so they helped each other rinse off again, and turned the water off. They helped each other dry off, and Len was suddenly so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open, as he groaned and flopped onto the bed.
Len suddenly realized he hadn’t really asked Jim how he was, but he was already half asleep.
“You doin’ okay, Jim?”
“Shh, yeah, Bones. I’m really good, actually. You go to sleep, and we’ll talk when you wake up.”
“Don’ lemme sleep past one,” Len said, with the last of his wakefulness. Just as he felt Jim’s body snuggle up against his, the fog claimed him. He slept a deep, dreamless sleep, sorely needed after a rotation that was far more stressful for him than he’d realized.
~!~!~!~
Len wasn’t sure if it was the scent of coffee or the familiar hand rubbing up and down his bare back that convinced him to finally open his eyes. He blinked a few times, and sat up. Jim handed him the coffee, fixed just the way he liked it, and he took a few sips.
“Hi,” Jim said, after Len had had what Jim thought was enough coffee that he might actually speak.
“Hi, yourself, gorgeous.” Len sniffed the air. “Is that what I think it is?”
“I don’t know,” Jim said, flashing his perfect grin. “What do you think it is?”
“Waffles?” Len said hopefully.
“Then it is what you think it is!” Jim said gleefully. “Now, I’m not saying there wasn’t some swearing involved for the first couple, but once I got the hang of it, they came out mostly in once piece. Wanna eat?”
“Yeah,” Len said. “You made waffles.” He pulled on some flannel pants and his slippers, and pulled a sweatshirt over his head.
“Wait!” Jim said, as Len was about to open the bedroom door.
“Okay, what?”
“Come over here,” Jim said, moving towards the shaded window. One of Len’s first improvements to the rental house had been adding blackout curtains to the bedroom windows, so he and Jim could sleep in darkness after night shifts.
Len joined Jim by the window. Jim pulled the curtain open all at once.
“Tada!”
The world outside was blanketed in white. Several inches of snow had fallen while Len was sleeping, and it was still snowing lightly.
“Wow,” Len breathed. “It’s like a different planet!”
“So here’s what we do, Bones. We have waffles-and like I said, some of ‘em aren’t exactly perfect, but we’ll eat ‘em anyhow. And then we get our coats and boots on, and we go play in the snow. I tested it out already-it’s perfect for snowmen and snowballs. Packing snow, you know?”
Len shook his head.
“No, of course you don’t. But never mind. It’s gonna be so awesome! Your first time ever playing in the snow, and I get to be your playmate!”
Len smiled, ever so slightly. Because of course it would be awesome.
“Gotta catch you up on some things over breakfast, though, Jim,” Len said.
“Oh, me too, Bones. Me too. So let’s go eat, and catch up.”
Leonard entered his kitchen, and burst into rare laughter. A plate on the counter was piled with bits and pieces of waffles, topped with one single perfectly-formed square.
“Not exactly perfect,” Jim repeated.
Len pulled Jim in by the waistband of his jeans, and kissed him thoroughly. “I don’t care how they look. You made waffles, for fuck’s sake!” He kissed him again. “I love you dearly, you know that?”
“I do know that, Bones,” Jim said, looking at him intently. “I really do know it.”
“Now let’s eat this mess while we catch up a little. I’ll go first with the catching up,” Len said, piling his plate with bits and pieces of waffle.
“Wait a second-that’ll be my plate. I want you to have the one that actually came out right, since I made them for you.”
Len smiled, and knew better than to argue. He piled more pieces onto the plate, and handed it to Jim. He served himself a plate of the one whole waffle, plus some pieces, and sat down at the table, where Jim had put a pitcher of warmed-up syrup and a butter dish.
“You’re gonna kill us, you know, with all this real butter. You used it in the waffles, too-I can smell it.”
“Well, Bones, let’s put it this way. It was in your fridge. So I didn’t think it was poisonous.”
“All right, you got me there,” Len said, as he drizzled syrup over his waffles. “And since we’re sitting down, I’ll start with the catching up. You know Pike wanted to talk to me yesterday?”
“Uh huh,” Jim said with his mouth full. “Bet he was fine, though.”
Len nodded as he chewed and swallowed. “He was. He had us all figured out, of course, but didn’t ask about timing or details. Very proper. He mainly wanted to grill me about whether I thought having you doing dangerous things while I was treating patients was distracting. I said it was, but not problematically so. And I think that’s getting better, actually. I mean, the other morning was a bit … harder, I’d say, even though I knew you weren’t badly hurt. And honestly, the number of times that I’m at a scene where you’re doing something crazy, and where I’m actually treating a patient-that’s pretty small. And he knows it. I didn’t have a hard time paying attention to Ronnie when I knew you were still inside, that time. So honestly, I think that part’s all right.”
Jim nodded. “Good. And the other part? About if I get hurt? He asked you about that, I bet.”
Len sighed. “Yeah. And here’s the honest truth, Jim. I honestly think I’ll freak out for about as long as it takes for you to be brought over to the safe zone, and then I’ll do what needs to be done.”
Jim looked at Leonard seriously. “What if that’s a long time, Bones?”
Len frowned at him. “What do you mean?”
“What if-and this is pretty unlikely, all right? But what if it’s something like Ronnie, where I’m pinned, or trapped, or missing? It could be a long time before you get to do what needs to be done.”
Len put his fork down. “Jesus, Jim. You know how much I hate that shit.”
“Well? There’s no point in denying that it could happen. So what would you do? I know you’d be freaking out until you have some control over the situation-meaning, I’m there on your stretcher for you to deal with, so what if another patient comes to you while you’re in the middle of that?”
“I … hadn’t thought about that. Probably because I didn’t want to think about it. And I guess Pike didn’t think of it either. But,” Len sighed, “I think the wise thing to do if you were really in that kind of situation would be to call another rig in. We’d need one anyhow, if there were already one ALS patient plus … you on the way. Jesus.”
“Sorry, Bones. I had to say it, though. Because honestly? That’s the only situation where I’d be worried that you might not be able to handle it. I sure as hell couldn’t. I mean, if our situations were reversed. Hell, I wouldn’t be able to handle treating you at all, if our situations were reversed. And treating you for something life-threatening? I couldn’t come close to that.”
“I know I could do that, Jim. Because-and I’m not saying this to brag, or anything-but I think I’d be your best chance.”
“I know you’d be my best chance,” Jim said. “I have absolutely no doubt about that at all, Bones.”
“Good. And let’s try to avoid any of these situations,” Len said. “Please, pretty please, with a cherry on top.”
“About that,” Jim said.
“You’re not quitting,” Len said instantly. “I won’t allow it.”
“No, no no no, Bones, that’s not what I mean. We’re catching up, okay? I want to catch you up on some of the things I was thinking about last night.”
“Oh. Sorry. Go on.”
“All right. I’ve kind of had this … tendency, I guess you’d say, to be the one to do the crazy things. Let’s face it-being a truckie puts you in some pretty nasty situations. Search and rescue, rooftop operations, and so forth. And I think,” Jim said slowly, “I maybe was looking for the dangerous work. Looking for the places where I could be a hero. Looking for a way …” Jim said, and stopped.
“A way to what, Jim?” Len got up from his seat and moved to the chair next to Jim’s, so they were pressed up against each other, just like in the diner the previous morning.
“A way,” Jim said, looking Len in the eye, “to prove that I was good enough. To prove,” he said, looking away and taking a deep breath, and then returning his gaze to meet Leonard’s, “that my life was worth my father’s death.”
“Aw, sweetheart.” Tears came to Len’s eyes, and he put an arm around Jim. “You know you didn’t cause his death.”
“That’s the thing, Bones. I knew it, but I didn’t really believe it. Not until yesterday. Not until I understood that Johnny Nero was just a … a guy. A bad guy, probably even evil. But now I get it. I really get it.”
“That’s good, Jim. I mean, I’m sorry it took what it took for you to come to that epiphany, but I’m glad you got there.”
“And what this all means for me,” Jim said, “is that I’m not sure it’s worth it. Worth looking for the hardest, most dangerous tasks. I mean, I love my job. And it’s true-I risk myself to save others. But my point is, maybe I don’t feel the need to be … as extreme about it any more. Maybe I don’t have so much to prove.”
“I think,” Len said, “anything you had to prove, you’ve proven a thousand times over, Jim. Even those things you didn’t really need to prove at all.”
“I think you’re right, Bones. You know, when we were in Savannah, while you were in the shower, after I scared you off with all those backdraft videos? Tom was asking me about some of the things I did in my job. And I could see it, while I was watching him and Eric, as I was telling them about some of the crazier episodes. I could see it in how they looked at me. They really thought I was nuts. And maybe … maybe I was a little. But I’m not, anymore. I think I’m done looking for the crazy shit, Bones. Maybe I’ll go for apparatus operator training. Or even see if Pike wants to put Chekov with Cupcake for a little while, and I’ll swap to the engine company. We’ll see. Something will come up.”
Len swallowed hard past the lump in his throat. “You can’t possibly know how much it means to me to hear you say that.”
“Thanks, Bones,” Jim said quietly. “You’re just the best. And I think … knowing you, being with you, has made me a better person. By a lot.”
“Goes both ways, darlin’. And that’s the truth.”
Jim reached across the table and pulled Len’s plate across, and they both ate a little more.
“So, Bones, I bet you didn’t tell me everything Pike said to you, didja?”
Len quirked a lopsided smile. “Nope. He warned me he’d kick my ass if I hurt you.”
“Figured,” Jim said, grinning at his dwindling mess of waffle pieces.
“And don’t get cocky, because you might just get that same talk.”
“Good,” Jim said, his smile broadening.
“Not that he’s gonna hafta do any kicking of my posterior,” Len said.
“Mine, either.”
“Good. So our asses are safe,” Len said.
“Except from each other.”
“Shut up and eat your waffles. This southern boy wants to go frolic in the snow.”
On to Chapter 19
A/N: Firefighters have to be brave to do their jobs. But sometimes, they have to be brave enough to make a choice that will keep them safe-a different kind of courage. “Courage To Be Safe” is a trademarked program aimed at fostering that second type of courage, to help reduce firefighter line of duty deaths.