(no subject)
Can you see me now...
How did it ever get this far?...
He preaches optimism. Always smiles, seems happy with the way things are, makes people believe in something. I don't know what, but whatever it is... it isn't there.
He preaches optimism...
But does he realize who he is? How can anyone ever be optimistic about him?... Has he ever seen how far things could go, or at least thought of it for a moment. What it's like to hide my face and walk head down in his stead? For him, because of him, on his account?
Közi... The most beautiful and exquisite thing I've ever seen in my life. The most cherished dear I've ever had, the only thing I've ever held on to so strongly... and so hopelessly as well. He never gave me anything... and never will. But to me it doesn't matter he just can't give me anything at this age and with the life he's had. I don't care... I just want him, not something, anything, no matter what it is, of his. Simply making him feel fine is more than enough for me to feel so as well.
He's the only thing I can clearly see now... the only clear feeling, the only clear image frozen in my mind and before my eyes. All the rest of my memories and things I see are erasing... as if it never was my life; stolen someone else's moments. He's the only thing I'm trying to survive another hour for. Although I know it's pointless. Knowing he'll never know... makes the hour a day, the day a week, the weeks, months.. and I lose track. Everything that remains is him and all the hurt.
For the first time in my life I'm so helpless, so scared... so alone.
I would burn down the entire world... just to pour water on him. But would even that make him see... believe, understand?
I wonder... after all, what are we both living for anyway...