Hoping For No Miracle
I'm agnostic in the purest sense of the term. I honestly don't know if God exists, and I know science hasn't progressed to the point the existence of God can be proven or disproven. I prefer to believe that a higher power exists, but I do so knowing the facts don't support such faith - I believe because it feels right.
If I find out there is no God, I'm good with that... just as if I find out there is a God, but all the religions have it wrong, there is nothing more after life, there is just the void, I'm good with that, too. It would come as a huge relief to be able to close my eyes and never wake up.
What would suck would be to find out the self-righteous insufferables are the ones that got it right: there is a God, and you have to stand before Him and answer for your sins... because if that is the case, I am going straight to Hell.
I try to be a good person. I try to be there, both physically and emotionally, for the people I care about... a shoulder to cry on, a set of extra hands when need be. I don't wake up naturally thinking selfless thoughts - I have to constantly remind myself not to be so self-centered, to do what my Boy Scout upbringing would have me do. And on a whole, I don't do so badly - if I were to be run over by a bus tomorrow, at least a couple of people could stand up at my funeral and state a few nice things about me, which is all I want.
When I was younger, I hurt some folks I shouldn't have hurt. It wasn't by mistake, it wasn't a miscalculation on my part not realizing they would be hurt, and it wasn't because I talked myself into believing what I was doing was justified - I knew exactly what I was doing and I did it anyway, for no other reason than I was being selfish and incredibly petty.
Too young, too inexperienced to know better is forgivable... but knowing better and not caring enough to do better? Unforgivable.
No amount of regret or attempts at redemption will ever make it right. I accepted this a long time ago... just as I accepted that if I ever had to stand before my Maker and answer for my sins, I'd just have to shrug. "I was a douchbag. Got no excuses, got no reasons, got no justifications. Just a douchebag."
My hope is if some religion does have it right, it's the folks believing in reincarnation - maybe then I can get the chance to get it right. But if the pious hypocrites are on the right path after all, I have a very long eternity in Perdition ahead of me. I'm not what you call good with that, but I am resigned to it.
If I find out there is no God, I'm good with that... just as if I find out there is a God, but all the religions have it wrong, there is nothing more after life, there is just the void, I'm good with that, too. It would come as a huge relief to be able to close my eyes and never wake up.
What would suck would be to find out the self-righteous insufferables are the ones that got it right: there is a God, and you have to stand before Him and answer for your sins... because if that is the case, I am going straight to Hell.
I try to be a good person. I try to be there, both physically and emotionally, for the people I care about... a shoulder to cry on, a set of extra hands when need be. I don't wake up naturally thinking selfless thoughts - I have to constantly remind myself not to be so self-centered, to do what my Boy Scout upbringing would have me do. And on a whole, I don't do so badly - if I were to be run over by a bus tomorrow, at least a couple of people could stand up at my funeral and state a few nice things about me, which is all I want.
When I was younger, I hurt some folks I shouldn't have hurt. It wasn't by mistake, it wasn't a miscalculation on my part not realizing they would be hurt, and it wasn't because I talked myself into believing what I was doing was justified - I knew exactly what I was doing and I did it anyway, for no other reason than I was being selfish and incredibly petty.
Too young, too inexperienced to know better is forgivable... but knowing better and not caring enough to do better? Unforgivable.
No amount of regret or attempts at redemption will ever make it right. I accepted this a long time ago... just as I accepted that if I ever had to stand before my Maker and answer for my sins, I'd just have to shrug. "I was a douchbag. Got no excuses, got no reasons, got no justifications. Just a douchebag."
My hope is if some religion does have it right, it's the folks believing in reincarnation - maybe then I can get the chance to get it right. But if the pious hypocrites are on the right path after all, I have a very long eternity in Perdition ahead of me. I'm not what you call good with that, but I am resigned to it.