ARG!
So after that long post about the end of my relationship I believed that I let out a huge portion of my feelings concerning the situation. I have felt like I have been in a good head-space for the past two weeks. Yes, I do deal with the occasional moment of sadness and hurt but I let it pass and I strive to move on to the next moment. I fully acknowledge that the process of healing takes time BUT
I have hit a setback. Whether it is major or minor is yet to be determined
I had a great day at work. When I came home I cleaned my room, finished my laundry, got some reading done.... I felt accomplished (compared to the usual "Oh crap! I didn't do anything productive today!") I made a lovely dinner and I was settling into my evening when my housemate brings in a GAP bag saying "Is this yours? I found it on the front step." After taking a peek inside I find these items: a piece of chocolate cake, a large bottle and mini-pack of Martinelli sparkling ciders. Strange yet harmless? Not really. These were the items I had shared the last night I saw my ex-boyfriend. Coincidence? I think not. Then I saw a piece of paper at the bottom of the bag... My heartbeat immediately sped up. But it ended up being an old reciept (from the original owner of the bag). The lack of a written explaination confirmed that I wasn't paranoid and that it was indeed left by the ex.
Although it's a minor act (ie: he didn't try to track me down or is currently stalking me) it still bothers me. All of the contents of the bag were fresh and unopened--unlike the remains that I left in the fridge at his apartment. Which means he went to the store and bought all this new stuff just so he could leave it for me to find. If he actually did this (part of me is still somewhat doubtful) it means that he came to my house *while I was home* and momentarily invaded my space. It's creepy and it upsets me. I made it clear that I don't want anything to do with him and yet he leaves food that HE BOUGHT on my doorstep. Why can't he just fucking leave me alone?!?
In a way it's a selfish gesture... it disrupted my evening and sent me to the computer to stew about it.... more time wasted on his shenanigins. It's like he's saying "I'm still here!" during a time when I really don't want to acknowledge his existence.
All in all.... it could be worse. He's not stalking me... but why remind me of out last 'happy time' before everything went to hell. I don't need to deal with another dash of pain. It's just petty and stupid. And I need to stop being so angry. My anger is directly tied to the hurt I've been trying to muddle through. I really don't like the person I become when I'm angry. So I have decided that I will place my energy towards:
1) letting go
2) acknowledging the hurt but not obsessing over it
3) making/strengthening my connections with people
In the end I know that I will be happier.
One last thing: is it bad that I want to devour the cake despite my outrage? I'm such a girl! *face-palm*
I have hit a setback. Whether it is major or minor is yet to be determined
I had a great day at work. When I came home I cleaned my room, finished my laundry, got some reading done.... I felt accomplished (compared to the usual "Oh crap! I didn't do anything productive today!") I made a lovely dinner and I was settling into my evening when my housemate brings in a GAP bag saying "Is this yours? I found it on the front step." After taking a peek inside I find these items: a piece of chocolate cake, a large bottle and mini-pack of Martinelli sparkling ciders. Strange yet harmless? Not really. These were the items I had shared the last night I saw my ex-boyfriend. Coincidence? I think not. Then I saw a piece of paper at the bottom of the bag... My heartbeat immediately sped up. But it ended up being an old reciept (from the original owner of the bag). The lack of a written explaination confirmed that I wasn't paranoid and that it was indeed left by the ex.
Although it's a minor act (ie: he didn't try to track me down or is currently stalking me) it still bothers me. All of the contents of the bag were fresh and unopened--unlike the remains that I left in the fridge at his apartment. Which means he went to the store and bought all this new stuff just so he could leave it for me to find. If he actually did this (part of me is still somewhat doubtful) it means that he came to my house *while I was home* and momentarily invaded my space. It's creepy and it upsets me. I made it clear that I don't want anything to do with him and yet he leaves food that HE BOUGHT on my doorstep. Why can't he just fucking leave me alone?!?
In a way it's a selfish gesture... it disrupted my evening and sent me to the computer to stew about it.... more time wasted on his shenanigins. It's like he's saying "I'm still here!" during a time when I really don't want to acknowledge his existence.
All in all.... it could be worse. He's not stalking me... but why remind me of out last 'happy time' before everything went to hell. I don't need to deal with another dash of pain. It's just petty and stupid. And I need to stop being so angry. My anger is directly tied to the hurt I've been trying to muddle through. I really don't like the person I become when I'm angry. So I have decided that I will place my energy towards:
1) letting go
2) acknowledging the hurt but not obsessing over it
3) making/strengthening my connections with people
In the end I know that I will be happier.
One last thing: is it bad that I want to devour the cake despite my outrage? I'm such a girl! *face-palm*