(no subject)
im kinda of afraid of myself.
my nervous habit of scratching myself is coming back in full force.
im tearing at my skin for no reason.
i dont itch, i just scratch.
my fingertips are getting sore because ive bitten my nails down so far in hope that it would keep them from tearing up my skin.
but it didnt work.
now i have numb fingers and raw skin.
on top of that,
ive been eating maybe half of a meal every two days.
im wasting away to nothing
and my skin is getting yucky pale.
the other day,
i actually threw up after eating for the first time in three days.
i dont know if it was voluntary or not.
but i hate that i didnt hate it.
i have frequent headaches
but the hunger pains have stopped.
when i used to get sick feeling when i didnt eat,
i dont feel anything.
and i feel for steven.
hes worrying the shit out of me.
it makes my heart feel like it should stop.
hes one of my best friends.
and hes off making poor decisions and hurting himself.
the light at the of the tunnel has arrived though.
zach wants me to eat.
and tells me im beautiful
and makes me feel warm and happy.
despite all else.
im not unhappy.
im actually feeling good about myself.
im just worried about my health.
and i cant do much to make myself better.
my nervous habit of scratching myself is coming back in full force.
im tearing at my skin for no reason.
i dont itch, i just scratch.
my fingertips are getting sore because ive bitten my nails down so far in hope that it would keep them from tearing up my skin.
but it didnt work.
now i have numb fingers and raw skin.
on top of that,
ive been eating maybe half of a meal every two days.
im wasting away to nothing
and my skin is getting yucky pale.
the other day,
i actually threw up after eating for the first time in three days.
i dont know if it was voluntary or not.
but i hate that i didnt hate it.
i have frequent headaches
but the hunger pains have stopped.
when i used to get sick feeling when i didnt eat,
i dont feel anything.
and i feel for steven.
hes worrying the shit out of me.
it makes my heart feel like it should stop.
hes one of my best friends.
and hes off making poor decisions and hurting himself.
the light at the of the tunnel has arrived though.
zach wants me to eat.
and tells me im beautiful
and makes me feel warm and happy.
despite all else.
im not unhappy.
im actually feeling good about myself.
im just worried about my health.
and i cant do much to make myself better.