ahhhhhhhh
oh my gosh! why do i even bother living??? well i know the answer, but sometimes it gets cloudy and i find myself wandering through the fog in the darkness; i broke up with my boyfriend on april 1st and that was hard; i thought i made a wrong decision but i didn't and now i just want to be friends but it's weird now; and there is just so much drama that i can't concentrate on my school work which is bad; and my mind is just flooded with thoughts and if i don't get them out i'm going to choke; and sometimes i just wish i could turn back time and do it all over again; i look at my life ahead and i don't like what i see; maybe i'll move to las vegas and join cirque du soleil which was awesome; maybe i could work behind the scenes and become friends with the cast; that's all i want are some decent friends; i thought i found some but apparently not and i just keep going in circles and i wish someone one would stop me but i just keep going faster and faster and faster; oh god please help! i'm hurting and i don't know what to do; i hope this helps but my mind is just so consumed that i could be here forever; i should be so grateful for everything i have, yet i'm not; i hate so many things about myself and i can't take it anymore; it hurts me to look in the mirror; i'm not happy with the person i see on the inside and out and there's nothing i can do about it; i need help, yet i just hide it behind a mask so no one knows what really is going through me and those that i do try and tell just don't understand; no one does; i just want the perfect life, but there is no such thing and i don't think i've realized that yet; if only if only; well i'm going to go think some more; see you later