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this always happens...wenever jullian cums over or any of meg's friends come over she pays attention to them...and dont get me wrong...they r her friends and they r guests so they should get the attention but today it felt "like i dont belong here" (thats a part of the song im listening to rite now...switchfoot a beautiful letdown)i felt so ignored today...it sucked plus since i was on the computer till like 4:00 in the morning meg told my dad and he was ya know "dissappointed" anyways i should have saw it cumming she always does stuff like that ... my fault my fault ...
wen i started this journal all i would do is tell about my day and i dont do that anymore that much so here goes nuttin:
i woke up around 12:00 or 11:30 i took a shower and got dressed...i watched sum tv then amber w. came over and we were kinda bored she just hung out yet wen she had to go i didnt want her to leave...she is so nice and it makes my happier to be around her...o yeah she made us steak sandwiches too... during the day i was often on and off the computer goin online...jullian came over i talked to rachel and becky and alex on the phone too wen i was talkin to rachel i really didnt want to stop talkin to her each time i talk to her its like shes here again but then each time we have to hang up its like she moved all over again i get the same feeling it sux...i say stuff like "no rachel dont leave me" part of it is joking but it is still true i think part of the reason y i also didnt want her to hang up was because i was glad that sumone was listening to me ... also before becky called heaven came over...she started to drive me nutz!!!...she is four and she was almost braking my headband she ke[pt trying to paint my nails and play hiding go seek...she would try to grab the phone from me wen i was talking and she was pulling my hair and poking me in the eyes with my headband she almost broke my pinky she was bending it bak and the more i pulled away or screamed she did irt harder and bak further...i didnt get any help everyone else was doin stuff like meg was absorbed into jullian and amber was too pissed off at absolutely nothing to care my dad was in the living room watching tv with his friends...thats another reason y i felt ignored... but i have heard that feelings are not always reality but im too tired to think of that rite now finally after i got off of the phone with rachel i let her do my makeup and paint my nails and borrow my clothes and etc....gosh 4 yr. olds r so demanding...then i waited for my sisters to get off of the comp. so that i could write it all down today felt like a total waste wat if i died tomorrow? my last day was just a waste anyways i wont care then, ill be dead...tomorrow im gonna try to go to this place that sells cheep clothes and i have to make sure i got evrything ready for school...i dunno if i should get a ride from my dad or if i should take the bus...wat do u think and do u know if they will let me have my headphones with me...will the metal detectors go off? i eally hope i can bring them that would suck it i couldnt...there is no one good on rite now evryone on has there away message on except for ann who isnt talking...im gonna find sumthing to do ...peace...
wen i started this journal all i would do is tell about my day and i dont do that anymore that much so here goes nuttin:
i woke up around 12:00 or 11:30 i took a shower and got dressed...i watched sum tv then amber w. came over and we were kinda bored she just hung out yet wen she had to go i didnt want her to leave...she is so nice and it makes my happier to be around her...o yeah she made us steak sandwiches too... during the day i was often on and off the computer goin online...jullian came over i talked to rachel and becky and alex on the phone too wen i was talkin to rachel i really didnt want to stop talkin to her each time i talk to her its like shes here again but then each time we have to hang up its like she moved all over again i get the same feeling it sux...i say stuff like "no rachel dont leave me" part of it is joking but it is still true i think part of the reason y i also didnt want her to hang up was because i was glad that sumone was listening to me ... also before becky called heaven came over...she started to drive me nutz!!!...she is four and she was almost braking my headband she ke[pt trying to paint my nails and play hiding go seek...she would try to grab the phone from me wen i was talking and she was pulling my hair and poking me in the eyes with my headband she almost broke my pinky she was bending it bak and the more i pulled away or screamed she did irt harder and bak further...i didnt get any help everyone else was doin stuff like meg was absorbed into jullian and amber was too pissed off at absolutely nothing to care my dad was in the living room watching tv with his friends...thats another reason y i felt ignored... but i have heard that feelings are not always reality but im too tired to think of that rite now finally after i got off of the phone with rachel i let her do my makeup and paint my nails and borrow my clothes and etc....gosh 4 yr. olds r so demanding...then i waited for my sisters to get off of the comp. so that i could write it all down today felt like a total waste wat if i died tomorrow? my last day was just a waste anyways i wont care then, ill be dead...tomorrow im gonna try to go to this place that sells cheep clothes and i have to make sure i got evrything ready for school...i dunno if i should get a ride from my dad or if i should take the bus...wat do u think and do u know if they will let me have my headphones with me...will the metal detectors go off? i eally hope i can bring them that would suck it i couldnt...there is no one good on rite now evryone on has there away message on except for ann who isnt talking...im gonna find sumthing to do ...peace...