the gay and lesbian section at barnes and noble
so i had an interesting happening at barnes and noble today. i was floating around, and one of the sections i like to browse through is the gay and lesbian section. although at the particular barnes and noble i go to, its hard, becuase that section is like soo out in the open. (walpole, bet some of you know what i mean about this section, lol) anyway, its just really hard to stand there, cuz alot of people walk right by you, and as much as i have come to be very comfortable with myself, that situation still bugs me. anywho, so im trying to stand off to the side and peek at that section. i see this old guy sitting in a chair near that section reading something. so im like damn, i cant go over there. but gradually i get closer, and i start looking at the next shelf, the social sciences shelf. as i stand there i keep glancing over, and eventually grab a couple books that look interesting, and run off with them. (such a loser, i know) so i run off and start looking at them; still within eyeshot of the section and the old man. as i turn a page, i look up, and see the man getting out of his chair. much to my surprise, he starts looking all around him, then walks over to the gay and lesbian section, replaces the book he was looking at, and grabs another!
lol, he was doing the EXACT same dance that i was doing. it was so funny. here i was afraid of him seeing me, then he goes and does the same exact thing, lol. he was a cute old man. never know he was gay by looking though. he appeared to be a very much silenced man. maybe he is married, has children all grown up. actually, im pretty sure thats probably how it is. maybe this is his secret pleasure. to go alone to the bookstore and read about the life he has hidden for eighty some odd years, and still hides. it's so sad. there are sooo many people that are like this. i feel soo fortunate to have grown up in a time frame where gay is okay. yes, we still have to have anxiety about certain situations, like looking in the gay and lesbian section of the bookstore, which is awfully sad itself. but at least i have the freedom, and the rights if they remain in standing, to be who i am, and be with who i am. i don't know what i would do if i had to live a life like this man possibly did. so dishonest, so lonely, so closed in, and so detached. i can't imagine what that is like. i mean i can, cuz ive been through all those feelings, and have struggled with coming to terms with myself, but to live a whole life like that. that is so fucking sad. it makes me want to sit down and cry.
anywho, i stood there, off to the side, for quite a while, just reading. eventually a woman came along, and nervously perused that section. then i saw what seemed like her grandmother appear, and she kind of did a hop, skip and jump away from the section. it's such a sad thing. yet it was so very interesting to stand there and watch this. i think next time i go to barnes and noble i will stand in the same place and watch again. it's great to see that there are so many others out there that fear the same silly little things. so stupid really. we all just need a new set of balls. if we all could have the courage to stand up to things like this, the world would be a totally different place. we've made great strides in the past decade, however we still have so much farther to go. i'm working on trying to grow myself a nice big set of balls. lol. (ironic i know. lol) ;)
lol, he was doing the EXACT same dance that i was doing. it was so funny. here i was afraid of him seeing me, then he goes and does the same exact thing, lol. he was a cute old man. never know he was gay by looking though. he appeared to be a very much silenced man. maybe he is married, has children all grown up. actually, im pretty sure thats probably how it is. maybe this is his secret pleasure. to go alone to the bookstore and read about the life he has hidden for eighty some odd years, and still hides. it's so sad. there are sooo many people that are like this. i feel soo fortunate to have grown up in a time frame where gay is okay. yes, we still have to have anxiety about certain situations, like looking in the gay and lesbian section of the bookstore, which is awfully sad itself. but at least i have the freedom, and the rights if they remain in standing, to be who i am, and be with who i am. i don't know what i would do if i had to live a life like this man possibly did. so dishonest, so lonely, so closed in, and so detached. i can't imagine what that is like. i mean i can, cuz ive been through all those feelings, and have struggled with coming to terms with myself, but to live a whole life like that. that is so fucking sad. it makes me want to sit down and cry.
anywho, i stood there, off to the side, for quite a while, just reading. eventually a woman came along, and nervously perused that section. then i saw what seemed like her grandmother appear, and she kind of did a hop, skip and jump away from the section. it's such a sad thing. yet it was so very interesting to stand there and watch this. i think next time i go to barnes and noble i will stand in the same place and watch again. it's great to see that there are so many others out there that fear the same silly little things. so stupid really. we all just need a new set of balls. if we all could have the courage to stand up to things like this, the world would be a totally different place. we've made great strides in the past decade, however we still have so much farther to go. i'm working on trying to grow myself a nice big set of balls. lol. (ironic i know. lol) ;)