[baekyeol] merville
Title: merville
Pairing: Baekyeol, side!taoris, barely there!hunhan, barely there! kaisoo, barely there!sulay
Rating: PG-13
Genre: childhood romance, angst
Word count: 7k~
Summary: : Baekhyun cocks his head to his right trying to hear for his nonexistent dreams.
A/N: written last year with a mashup of miracles in december, the first snow, heaven and into your world. blame the typos on the fact i typed this out with the intention of girl!Chanyeol but ended up editing it last minute into this mess.
-[A heart. Something to make him human enough. A touch of humanity to make him seem alive but that’s not why people buy toys; dolls especially. But they are never meant to be human enough; only the features such as the glassiness of the lifeless plastic eyes and the cotton stuffed into the cloth as a replacement of warm blood and solid organs. They were made to accompany young hearts until they were old enough to make their own real human company.]
“I think he’s ready to be shipped off now, Duizhang"
“But he’s missing something isn't he?”
A heart. Something to make him human enough. A touch of humanity to make him seem alive but that’s not why people buy toys; dolls especially. But they are never meant to be human enough; only the features such as the glassiness of the lifeless plastic eyes and the cotton stuffed into the cloth as a replacement of warm blood and solid organs. They were made to accompany young hearts until they were old enough to make their own real human company.
No, dolls aren't meant to have a heart.
“I don’t think so. If he ever wants one…well that would be highly unlikely since they prefer to live without emotions and all I mean look at Sehun. Even after Luhan left him, he still refused to get a heart. We can always grant him one. After all, they are like our children”
“You’re right Taozi. Now suck up your power and let me deliver this down”
“Yes Duizhang. But you better get me more of those bittersweet liquid in plastic cups or else I’ll freeze you in time as well”
Kris rolls his eyes and falls off the abyss when he feels the fabric of time ripple around him and freeze.
-
The florescent lights twirled around the sweet smelling pine and the huge gold star atop of the tree reflects the light onto the plain white walls of the living room as a little boy about the age of 7 runs out of his room still wearing his pink bunny pajamas. The boy runs into the living room making a few rounds around the brightly lit and well decorated Christmas tree until his mommy calls for his.
“Chanyeol! Stop running and open your presents!”
Chanyeol stops in front of his mother and kneels down to the bottom of the tree to grab an unevenly shaped lump wrapped with pink ribbon and puppies as the wrapping paper. Don’t judge, he has a fetish for puppies even at this age.
The lights flicker behind his as he tears open his present revealing a clothed rag doll with short purple hair and eyes lined with something that could resemble eyeliner. The doll could pass as a girl if it weren't for the tag saying in large gold size 11 Times New Roman SOGOGI-BY EXOPLANET.
Yeah, not the most attractive name but enough to capture the young heart of age 7.
Everyday Chanyeol would be holding on to Sogogi, playing with wooden swords, pretending to have tea parties, drink imaginary tea and whisper his deepest secrets into his little cloth ear.
Chanyeol happily skips into his room, one hand clutching a coloring book and the other his box of crayons. In his seven year old mind, everything is a blend of rainbows and green grass with smiles, innocence only a child could have and of course, his beloved Gogi.
“Soh! Gogi!” the child exclaimed loudly in his shrill voice, his bangs flopping on his forehead, emphasizing his excitement. Chanyeol bounced onto his bed, making the mattress creak in protest from his weight.
He hugged his doll that was lying limply on a hand stitched blue pillow next to his own white laced one. Just like any doll, Sogogi would have his own pair of jackets to suit the play dates they would have in the backyard, dancing around in the summer heat. Even if he was made out of cloth and stuffed cotton, Sogogi would look longingly at his limp stuffed hand through his glass eyes and silently wishes that in the near future he would be able to feel Chanyeol’s warm hand burning through his own.
“Guess what Soh?” he asked his doll while fiddling with his pajama sleeve.
What Chanyeol?
Instead beady lined eyes stare back at his, even so with slight curiosity swirling around the glass.
“I just met this Chinese boy at class, Luhan, he looks so cute with his sparkling eyes and baby face. He insists that I call him Xiao Lu”
Chanyeol cooed into the air. The boy was practically glowing with childhood happiness as he covers his face with his hand that isn’t holding on to Sogogi, crayons and color book long forgotten on the bedside table.
“Goodnight Soh. I’ll play with you tomorrow! We can play dress up in the afternoon and then we drink tea! Sounds good to you?” Chanyeol yawns sleepily and his eyelids flutter close.
Sogogi is left to stare at the glow in the dark stars stuck on the ceiling.
Goodnight Prince I’ll do anything with you and for you.
-
“Ohmygod this is so frustrating.” Sogogi all but yells at poor Joonmyeon the toy soldier and Jongin the stuffed puppy on the shelf.
“He said this Han boy was cute and no Jongin, Kai or whatever floats your boat okay, he doesn’t call anyone cute but me”
Jongin just rolls his eyes and hoists Kyungsoo the small wooden puppet up his furry ear while Jongdae just pops back into his box in his attempt to drown out Sogogi’s constant whining about his object of affection. They have enough of Sogogi’s shit to get by in their lives.
“I knew this day would come but I didn’t expect it to be so tiresome” Kyungsoo sighs against Jongin’s brown ear while petting it with his thin wooden hand. It wasn't that they didn’t want to be toys on earth as this was their sole destiny as a being made my EXO PLANET. They were made for a reason and it’s not like they were forced to come down. But Sogogi’s love problems aren’t helping any they all swear.
Joonmyeon lets out a gust of hollow air from his plastic body. “We were sent down to take care and watch over you, Sogogi but everything is your decision.” His words didn’t really make sense but to Sogogi, that simple sentence held onto a lot of meaning. It almost held life.
Every toy has it story just like how every rose has their thorn. They weren’t made just out of plastic and synthetics but made from love and care as cliché as it sounds from their masters. Each and every one of them was given the ability to have all feelings; sadness, happiness, anger and of course, love.
But even if they had feelings, they will never be human. Every morning they would have to go back to being rigid, solid objects left for humans to dote on. The cold trickling in their limp plastic bodies will always lack the heat humans have. There will never be the beating of a heart in their empty lackluster bodies.
“Think about it Soh”
-
Good morning Chanyeol.
Sogogi lies limply against Chanyeol’s arm covering the upper half of his body and stares blankly at the coloring book neglected on the bedside table last night. The most recent one was a picture of a boy and boy playing on a playground with flowers surrounding them. In the A4 paper the sun was shining at the corner colored with buttery yellow circles and there were butterflies landing on the delicate petals of the drawn calla lilies that were colored a soft baby pink emitting innocence.
“Good morning Sogogi!” Chanyeol yawns loudly and bounces off the bed grabbing his hand and proceeding to drag him across the floor all the way to the bathroom. Sogogi catches Joonmyeon’s eye from the top of the toy shelf and mouths a faint I know what to do to him, hoping he’ll understand.
But Sogogi himself doesn’t even understand what he wants. Life isn’t all that bad as a toy when you get to sit next on the basin while your
owner busy smearing mint toothpaste all over his tooth brush and mouth and then being dragged all the way down exactly 20 steps then across the wooden floor but then being made up by sitting on his lap while occasional spoonful’s of cereals make a bump on the sewn thread that makes up his mouth.
But it gets painful when all you want to do is just reach out your limp hand towards another warm hand, brush their cheeks; warmth seeping through fingertips like mist, respond with the lightest nod and form a coherent sentence that can actually be heard.
And Sogogi doesn’t like pain.
-
The sun was beating down heavily onto the freshly cut grass in the backyard where there was a mini four-legged plastic table complete with colorful chairs on each sides. This was where Chanyeol would spoil Sogogi every day after coming back from school. The boy would run upstairs excitedly, stomping up wooden floorboards making them creak and into his room to quickly grab Sogogi by his hand and to the backyard.
Everyday Sogogi would sit on the bed waiting for Chanyeol to come back from kindergarten, staring idly at the window thinking about what he would do if-when- he’s human. He would take Chanyeol to buy ice-cream from that truck across street, smear ice-cream on his cheek only to lick it off and most importantly make his the happiest 7 year old.
When they would grow up, he would guild his through his homework, protect his from bullies, secretly look at his when he isn’t looking and make his feel safe and protected under his guidance.
But all plans went down the drain when Sogogi feels the familiar burn of the sun shining down onto his thin layer of fabric protecting his stuffing.
“Look Gogi! I bought you a new hoodie! It has the letters SG sewn on it just like your name!” the little chirped happily. Sogogi could only mentally smile as Chanyeol shrugged on the hoodie onto his small limp body.
Looks great Chanyeol. Did you get it especially for me?
“You look really handsome with it”
If Sogogi had blood instead of stuffing he would have blushed. Hard.
Thank you.
Sogogi told himself he didn’t care if he couldn’t tell his that himself. For now.
-
One day he takes Luhan home while Sogogi was resting on the shelf with Jongin and Kyungsoo accompanying him. Last night, Chanyeol was going on and on about the play date they had and Sogogi had to refrain from rolling his eyes and telling himself that it’s okay. It’s just a play date. No big deal. He can make all the friends he wants. It’s okay Gogi. Calm down.
“You do realize you’re practically head over heels for a 7 year old kid right? And none of us are really sure how old we really are.” Joonmyeon tell him that night.
Sogogi just answers him with an “It doesn’t matter as long as I know I love his. It’ll be alright”
Cheeks glowing and hands shaking in excitement Chanyeol shows Luhan around his room and gestures towards the shelf in which Sogogi and his friends were occupying.
“Oh and that’s Sogogi!” Chanyeol points his finger towards him and smiles brightly.
Beautiful.
“He’s my best friend forever and ever. I tell him everything.”
I’m his best friend forever and ever. How nice.
But Sogogi told Jongin and Kyungsoo he didn’t mind as long as he could still be with his everyday drinking tea and playing with plastic cups.
-
One day Sogogi decides to be selfish and conjures up the image of an unfamiliar home of a purple warehouse and let’s himself get washed up into the fabric of time and space and into another world where maybe his selfish wish could be granted and things would actually go the way he wanted them to be.
He was lying on a table full of tools and cloth when he resurfaced from his short coma on his way there. The first he thought was how finally, finally after a year he would be granted a heart to be human. He would do the things he wasn’t able to as a toy. He would have Chanyeol as selfish he sounded.
“So you’re here because you want a heart?” Kris stepped out from the shadows as Zitao appeared from poking at the hearth.
“Ye-wait how did you know?”
“Of course I do. You’re one of my children. How could I not?”
Sogogi’s heart swelled from Kris’ words. Not because he could grant him a heart but because of the gratitude to his supposedly father.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Sogogi manages to mumble after the soaring of his heartbeat has calmed down from its initial rate.
Zitao steps forward holding a poker from the fireplace in his hands with dragging on the floor to create patterns. Kris frowns while Sogogi gets up on his elbows, feeling his pressure on his arms increase from the weight.
“Yes we’ll give you a heart. You’ll start your life one year and month after he received you for Christmas. He won’t remember Sogogi or any memories of you as a toy. Jongin, Kyungsoo, Joonmyeon and Jongdae will come back here and they won’t be remembered as well. I’m pretty sure we don’t need to send anyone down to watch over you this time” Something in Zitao’s eyes soften. Something that tells Sogogi there’s something the man isn’t telling him but that didn’t matter to him anymore.
He could start life over with Chanyeol and that would be enough for him. Anything could wait for later. He would no longer be immobile and limp. He would soon be able to feel every tendon and nerve in his body. He would soon to be able to talk to Chanyeol. Tell his everything he always wanted to.
Even though he would remember every single thing that ever happened, every smile, every cup of fake tea, every bite of fake plastic cake and every hug while Chanyeol wouldn’t even remember a thing, Sogogi convinces himself its fine because he would have all the time in the world for Chanyeol to know him.
Zitao frowns deeply as if he could read Sogogi’s thoughts.
-
A soft knock at Chanyeol’s window interrupted his afternoon cat nap on the comforters of his bed. With a yawn, Chanyeol rubbed his crusted lids with a fisted hand while trying to peak between his little fingers at the window. Getting up on his knees, he crawled across his crumpled bed sheets to the warm sunlight streaming from the window. Out of the corner of his eye, he eyed one of the empty spaces on his toy shelf.
He would ask his mommy to buy him another doll for Christmas soon.
It took all of his energy to push open the window and was rewarded by the blast of cold wind blasting at his face. He blinked multiple times in attempt to moisturize his dry eyes. Chanyeol looked down to see a boy clad with a blue coat waving up at his with hands fisted around small pebbles.
His face was oddly and painfully familiar in Chanyeol’s hazy mind as if he’s seen him somewhere somehow before. The sharp jawline and square row of teeth shining in the grey background making it even harder to remember him.
“Hello! My name is Byun Baekhyun! I’m the new boy next door! Nice to meet you”
-
The tinkle of Chanyeol’s giggle makes Baekhyun’s heart throb fast and hard against his ribcage and butterfly wings linger against the surface of his stomach. He fights to swallow his saliva while holding Chanyeol’s tiny fingers between his own as the boy happily bounces their way across the park to stop in front of a bright pink truck. An ice cream truck.
“Baekhyunnie~” he pouts and Baekhyun chants to himself 8 years olds can’t have heart attacks over and over mentally and smiles physically.
“Buy me chocolate ice cream with vanilla sprinkles, please?” he whines in his high pitched voice that only Baekhyun can find it so oddly endearing and cute and ohmygod 8 years old can’t have heart attacks and No Baekhyun you’re acting like a pedophile which you are most definitely not.
“Alright” Baekhyun gives in to the glistening eyes and pouty bottom lip and rummages his coat pocket for some extra change he might have forgotten to take out or maybe Kris’ has decided to play saint when to scours up exactly enough coins to pay for two ice cream cones.
Baekhyun stops in front of open window to face the ahjusshi working there. “Hello ahjusshi! May I have two scoops of chocolate ice cream with vanilla please?” he said using his best aegyo to hopefully charm the older man.
Pfft Baekhyun you’re better than that.
“Why of course, you youngster.” He says while ruffling Baekhyun’s hair and winking at Chanyeol causing Baekhyun to blush bright and Chanyeol to erupt into a series of soft giggles. And the butterflies start fluttering away in his stomach again.
He quickly grabs that two ice cream cones that were given to him and puts his coins into the money jar on the counter.
“Thank you ahjusshi!” they both yell at the same time while running away with Baekhyun struggling to hold two ice creams in his tiny hands.
“No problem! Make sure the ice cream doesn’t melt!”
-
“Hey Baekhyunnie, You’ve never actually told me where you were from.” Chanyeol looks up from his ice cream and Baekhyun blushes red when he sees a dab of melted ice cream smeared across his cheek. The urge to wipe it off using his own sticky ice cream coated hands is barely suppressible so that he can see his squirm in his sticky touch. Oh God Baekhyun internally moans that sounded so wrong.
“Oh me? I come from someplace far, far away”
Chanyeol pouts again and this time Baekhyun doesn’t resist his temptations and leans in to press his own cold lips against his ice cream smeared cheek for a wet kiss. The sun is beating down on them, clouds half covering the blue sky, ice cream melting into his hands, and waffle crumbs stick between his fingers. Everything is messy but Baekhyun finds bliss in Chanyeol’s flustered yet cute expression as he licks the ice cream off.
“Yah Baekkie!” he mock hits Baekhyun on his shoulder and now his jacket sleeve is covered is melted ice cream goo but it doesn’t matter when Chanyeol presses his own hands onto his cheeks and smiles a wide even the ice cream in his hands melted into sticky mush. Or maybe it’s the sun but Baekhyun likes to think it’s not.
-
The sun was glaring down hard unforgiving and angry down at the chalky grey pavements. Baekhyun wiped a bead of sweat that trailed down the side of his forehead using his checkered sleeve of his hoodie. His hand was slick with sweat and fingers were griped tight on the cold rubber of a toy ball that Chanyeol insisted calling Key.
“Ready get set, catch!” Baekhyun yelled as loud as he could with his small lungs, inhaling deeply and exhaling with the scream.
Chanyeol runs across the backyard to chase after the ball that was propelling midair higher than any 8 year old can jump and Baekhyun feels slightly guilty when the ball landed farther than he expected it to. He raised his arm against his forehead in effort to wipe more beads of sweat that was making its way down onto his face. Winter was supposed to come sooner but the familiar cold winds are nowhere to be felt.
“Don’t worry Baekhyun! I’ll go get it” Chanyeol waves his hand none committedly and skips his way across the street where the ball or Key was resting under the shadows of a shrub. Baekhyun really didn’t think the ball would land that far but oh well. He’s a growing child.
Baekhyun decides to accompany Chanyeol all the way to the sidewalk where across it would be a T junction where Chanyeol would be heading to get his ball. “Be careful!” he yells and Chanyeol turns back to give him a small reassuring smile saying Its okay Baekkie! I’ll save Key myself!
The sun shines just a little duller, the clouds cover the atmosphere just a little more, the sidewalk burns into the soles of his sneakers just tad uncomfortably, the car rushing across the left side of the T junction just a little too fast for traffic rules, the trees ruffling in the wind causing the leaves to sing just a little bit too mournfully for a sunny day, the irony of how the pink ice cream truck drove straight to the middle of the junction to collide to the car just a little too much, the muffled footsteps from Chanyeol halting on the course gravel on the road just a little too painful, the wind blasting in his ears just a little louder than the blood rushing up to his head making him feel nauseated.
No.
It’s amazing how one second you’re playing happily in the backyard without fearing the presence of monsters threatening to eat you alive and another you’re staring at something that you couldn’t hear, couldn’t see and couldn’t feel anymore. He was wrong.
Baekhyun closed his eyes tightly hoping to erase the image of bloody road and a lump of red in front of it. The adrenaline from earlier burning out in his veins, making him pant and his heart running into frenzy because no, this cannot be happening. Pain and regret seared deep in his heart making his small 8 year old body topple over on the sidewalk. Pain. A lot of red hot burning searing heart clenching rippling pain.
People are yelling, honks are blasting, doors are banging open, curtains are pushed aside to see what had happened, phones are ringing to the hospital saying Help! Help! There’s an accident here and the boy's dying! Quickly! Quickly!
Key was never rescued and was still sitting innocently, abandoned under the protection of the shrub.
He pressed his flat palms against his eyes, trying not to let the tears spill. He already knew something was bound to happen. Zitao warned him enough times that his bliss wouldn’t last forever. But he could’ve done something to stop it. If only he didn’t tell his to catch the ball across the street. If only he didn’t throw the ball so high. If only he wasn’t so selfish. If only he could help it.
But he can. In his mind he conjures up the image of a purple warehouse with a crystalline rocky background and feels the all too familiar tug from being teleported to another universe.
-
“If we could go back in time, would it make a difference?”
Kris only sighed while Zitao mumbled a soft I knew this would happen under his breath. He could go back in time just as easy but he could sense that what Baekhyun is feeling now is not only sadness and anguish but regret for how he never got to grow up with his or say what he always wanted to his.
He never got to say he loved-loves his.
“Soh-Baek, he was only a child. 8 years old while you’re actually older than your body deceives to be. You can’t go all pedophile oppa on him. He’s gone. Even if I rewind time, do you think he’ll still be there? Its fate Baekhyunnie. You will go back in time, you will play with the damned ball, you will still throw it higher than you should and he would still get killed because even we can’t escape the harsh reality of fate” Zitao said softly as to not trigger anything in the broken boy lying in front of him.
“But what if I could stop it from happening? When I do we can grow up together even with my mindset as a 20 year old.” Baekhyun begs still on his knees in front of Kris and Zitao.
Kris looked away from the boy that was once a toy, his precious creation of life and walked back to face the giant window behind him, looking out into the horizon. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally turned his head to the side; his face looked oddly resigned like he’d made a decision that could cause a massive destruction and yet he still did.
“Send him back to the moment they were playing at the front yard. Baek I’m letting you do this because I can’t stand seeing one of the things closest to being my children hurt. But I’m not going to guarantee that you can save his. You won’t remember anything from this trip and we’ll see how it goes from there.”
-
The sun was glaring down hard unforgiving and angry down at the chalky grey pavements. Baekhyun wiped a bead of sweat that trailed down the side of his forehead using his checkered sleeve of his hoodie. His hand was slick with sweat and fingers were griped tight on the cold rubber of a toy ball that Chanyeol insisted calling Key.
“Ready get set, catch!” Baekhyun yelled as loud as he could with his small lungs, inhaling deeply and exhaling with the scream.
Chanyeol runs across the backyard to chase after the ball that was propelling midair higher than any 8 year old can jump and Baekhyun feels slightly guilty when the ball landed farther than he expected it to. He raised his arm against his forehead in effort to wipe more beads of sweat that was making its way down onto his face. Winter was supposed to come sooner but the familiar cold winds are nowhere to be felt.
“Don’t worry Baekhyun! I’ll go get it” Chanyeol waves his hand none committedly and skips his way across the street where the ball or Key was resting under the shadows of a shrub. Baekhyun really didn’t think the ball would land that far but oh well. He’s a growing child.
Baekhyun decides to accompany Chanyeol all the way to the sidewalk where across it would be a T junction where Chanyeol would be heading to get his ball. “Be careful!” he yells and Chanyeol turns back to give him a small reassuring smile saying It’s okay Baekkie! I’ll save Key myself!
The sun shines just a little duller, the clouds cover the atmosphere just a little more, the sidewalk burns into the soles of his sneakers just tad uncomfortably, the car rushing across the left side of the T junction just a little too fast for traffic rules, the trees ruffling in the wind causing the leaves to sing just a little bit too mournfully for a sunny day, the irony of how the pink ice cream truck drove straight to the middle of the junction to collide to the car just a little too much, the muffled footsteps from Chanyeol halting on the course gravel on the road just a little too painful, the wind blasting in his ears just a little louder than the blood rushing up to his head making him feel nauseated.
No.
It’s amazing how one second you’re playing happily in the backyard without fearing the presence of monsters threatening to eat you alive and another you’re staring at something that you couldn’t hear, couldn’t see and couldn’t feel anymore. He was wrong.
Siren’s blare loudly in Baekhyun’s ears. Even as the black clouds of depression and tragic looming over his head and the feeling of his heart literally cracking in his chest, the sky is still blue as day and the kids next door are still playing with their football happily in their childhood innocence. He can’t be too late. No. He just can’t. It just can’t be. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Zitao was wrong. Maybe it could change. Maybe it wasn’t his. Maybe he could be the one lying there drenched in red blood. But as people stopped walking pass, the kids stop playing and screaming to gawk in horror and run in their house to call their mommy, maybe he was the wrong one thinking he could reverse fate and change it.
Maybe it wasn’t his. Maybe he could be the one lying there drenched in red blood. But as people stopped walking pass, the kids stop playing and screaming to gawk in horror and run in their house to call their mommy, maybe he was the wrong one thinking he could reverse fate and change it.
He was the stupid one after all.
His visions shrinks around him, stomach heaving, lungs struggling, head pounding and body shaking. He presses his hands on the sidewalk and let’s himself goes slack on the sidewalk, ignoring the anguished cries on Mr. and Mrs. Park.
-
“Please please please Kris. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no reason to live anymore without his. The only reason I’m alive is because of his. If I can’t have his back, just take way my heart. Take it away please. It hurts that I never got to go to middle school with his, never got to hold his hand and walk through the doors of high school, invite his to prom and dance with his.” Baekhyun sobs brokenly at of Kris’ and Zitao’s workshop.
It hurts a lot. Now there are no more melting ice cream coating his fingers, no more playing under the sun, no more dress ups, no more happy smiles and laughter, no more light to his darkness and no more Chanyeol.
Baekhyun kneels down onto the hardwood and presses his forehead onto to cold wood. He closes his eyes and sees. Sees himself and Chanyeol running through fields of grass and flowers, sees them stargazing under a gazebo, sees them decorating their very own Christmas tree in their newly brought apartment, and sees the future they’ll never have.
Chanyeol is gone but Baekhyun still holds on to a figment his imagination. It’s sad, really.
Being stuck in a child’s body and even after all this time Baekhyun still has a mind of a child held on a thin string of jaundice hope, never growing up, always staying in his sanctuary of make believe and neverland. But behind the polished caverns of childish hope and sticky ice cream coated fingers, Baekhyun knows what he wants and what he can do.
He knows.
“Just take my heart away please. I don’t need it anymore without his. Take it and bring his back if you can. Please. Just take it” he mumbles softly on the ground. Theres no more use crying or whimpering anymore, no use to stain his cheeks with tears anymore. Baekhyun sees no use anymore when all he can see is Chanyeol right beside him telling him its okay baekhyunnie we’ll play together next time and it hurts. It hurts so badly.
Zitao immediately tears up seeing one of his precious children in so much pain. Kris just looks on and sighs, hand motioning to huge mahogany mantel at the corner of his workshop. A shadow rises up and takes form of human silhouette. The man’s face was pale and round with his lips curved into a kind smile while a dimple makes an indent on his cheek.
Said man walks over to the table next to the mantel he just rose from, pulls out a chair, sits down and pats Jongin, Kyungsoo and Jongdae who were sitting obediently watching Baekhyun helplessly beg and he doesn’t forget to give Joonmyeon he climbed on his shoulder an affectionate brush of his lips on his plastic body. That little act of love makes Baekhyun’s heart clench painfully.
“So Yixing, what do you think?” Kris sighs and looks tiredly at him. He has already foreseen this scenario plenty and among all the other wishing stars on exo planet, letting Baekhyun have his way would be too much. It would be hard, reversing time and reviving a dead person back from the Underworld. It wasn’t that Yixing couldn’t do it but it would mean risking time space and turning back unwanted events for someone else. It would be alternate endings in different universes. The outcome wouldn’t be able to be predicted. For all Kris knows, Baekhyun could be sent back into the wrong time and end up killing himself from excessive travel in time space.
Knowing Baekhyun, he couldn’t care less about dying.
“Duizhang, I think I already know your decision and yes, the outcome might be risky but if we’re all willing to try I don’t see why not” Yixing says softly while gesturing towards the toys waiting on the table and Joonmyeon who has taken a liking to Yixing’s shoulder. Going back in time would also mean danger to the guardian toys but by the looks of it, like Baekhyun they’re willing to take the risk. As for Joonmyeon, if something should happen to him he knows Yixing will be thise to take and heal him back. Even if he doesn’t, it’s okay. Joonmyeon will still be contented.
“Okay then. Tao, come here. And Baekhyun I want you to know that the outcome from this won’t be guaranteed and for all we know, you might die in between so please don’t put so much hope on us. We’ll bring Chanyeol back to you but this will be the last time we’ll do anything like this for you. We love you but please just do the right thing this time.”
Baekhyun closes his eyes against the hardwood grained floor.
The first time Baekhyun was Sogogi wearing clothes Chanyeol brought for him, speaking incoherent words in the air and lying limply as Chanyeol played with him. The second time Baekhyun was a boy who wore hoodies and sneakers, hands covered with ice cream, giving Chanyeol sticky ice cream cooties, cold lips against sun-kissed heated skin and making mistakes. The third time Baekhyun was still a boy who made mistakes. But the forth and the last time, Baekhyun would do it right. He would hold Chanyeol’s hand and take his bubble tea dates and grow together with his whether as a brother, best friend in need, lover or simply a soul mate.
He would do it right for the last time.
He feels the wind gently take him away from EXO Planet, a place he learned how to love and live and let himself be carried away to another universe where a happy ending would be found.
-
The florescent lights twirled around the sweet smelling pine and the huge gold star atop of the tree reflects the light onto the plain white walls of the living room as a little boy about the age of 7 runs out of his room still wearing his pink bunny pajamas. The boy runs into the living room making a few rounds around the brightly lit and well decorated Christmas tree until his mommy calls for him.
“Yeollie ! Stop running and go open the door. There’s a new neighbor that just moved in and we’re going to visit them!”
Yeollie stops running and stops in front of the Christmas tree. The soft twinkling of lights brushing the mahogany walls a faint blue green yellow and red while the tree reaches high above and the staccato pops and bursts of Christmas music in the background. His childlike mind comprehends a soft knock at the door and his feet make paddling noises muffled with socks against the wooden board floor.
Making his way in front of the door, Yeollie yanks it open and outside, the blue and grey skyline shines against the pale yellow setting of the sky, wind blowing and no trace of the sun, a boy waits nervously with his hands held at the back as if hiding something.
Said boy was dressed in a hoodie that the initials SG sewn on it and red sneakers that weren’t meant for the cold and Yeollie feels a sense of recognition even though the boy must the new neighbor his mommy was talking about.
“Hello my name Baekhyun but you can call me Baekkie!” the boy smiles brightly revealing a square row of teeth and shining eyes. Yeollie smiles even brighter.
“H-hi. I’m Yeollie . Nice to meet you.” He stutters and blushes when Baekhyun laughs. He holds out his hand behind his back and steps forward to give it to Yeollie .
“Here these are for you. You can keep one and I’ll take the other. My mommy says they can’t live without each other so we’ll meet up every day to play together so they wouldn’t be separated” he says shyly while Yeollie giggles and tells him that yes, he would love to even though they just met. Something about him just seems to familiar and comforting. Behind them, Yeollie’s mommy towers above them to usher Yeollie out to the front yard to visit Baekhyun’s house and they both can see each other’s happy smiles and twinkling eyes.
In Baekhyun’s hand, two teddy bears have their hands linked together have their names printed in 11 Times New Roman on a golden tag saying SEHUN AND LUHAN FROM EXO PLANET.
-
In an alternate universe
The florescent lights twirled around the sweet smelling pine and the huge gold star atop of the tree reflects the light onto the plain white walls of the living room as a little boy about the age of 7 runs out of his room still wearing his pink bunny pajamas. The boy runs into the living room making a few rounds around the brightly lit and well decorated Christmas tree until his mommy calls for his.
“Chanyeol-ah! Stop running and open your presents!”
Chanyeol stops in front of his mother and kneels down to the bottom of the tree to grab an unevenly shaped lump wrapped with pink ribbon and puppies as the wrapping paper. Don’t judge, he has a fetish for puppies even at this age.
The lights flicker behind his as he tears open his present revealing a clothed rag doll with short purple hair and eyes lined with something that could resemble eyeliner. The doll could pass as a girl if it weren’t for the tag saying in large gold size 11 Times New Roman.
BYUNBAEK-BY EXOPLANET.
Outside, two boys run around in their front yard while chasing each other with wooden swords. Behind them, the purple horizon watches on.
-
Bonus chapter
"Tao wait! I want to see Sehun before I go!" Baekhyun holds out his hand as if to stop Tao from putting him back into the past. Even if he really wants to save Chanyeol, he still has something to do. Something to tell to a beloved. A lesson to tell. A story of regret.
Tao smiled softly at him before nodding to Kris to open the door for Baekhyun. They understand that it was something important for both Sehun and Baekhyun. Between the purple clouds and rocky glimmering landscapes of EXO Planet, Kris and Tao understand. They understand the pain of losing someone they love. Of losing someone they treasure and hope to keep forever instead of letting it sink to the bottom of the green ocean.
Baekhyun runs out into the terrain and immediately turns a sharp left towards the sudden windiness of the atmosphere. The sharp bangs and splashes of air current, banks and brushes of unleashed anguish. He runs towards where he would know Sehun would be sitting. Waiting and hoping. But barely holding on to a thread of life and humanity.
How does it feel to be animal and human at the same time?
"Sehun! Sehun-ah!" Baekhyun yells over the loud hustle and roar of the wind. He spots Sehun’s faint silhouette among all the ashes and debris dancing in the air, making pirouettes and grand jetes in a ring of falling smoke.
Sehun blinks and turns around to find a flustered and red Baekhyun briskly jogging towards him.
How does it feel to have the world at your hands yet powerless at the same time?
"Sehun!" Baekhyun calls out again and reaches out to pat Sehun’s lifeless face, void of any emotion ever since Luhan abandoned him. His eyes flicker a light brown in recognition and Baekhyun feels desperation creeping up like vines twisting and curling around his body. Up his legs, curling around his skinny torso and wrapping themselves about his head. Pounding.
He tries to regain his breath from the suffocating air around him and leans against the chair Sehun has looking over the dry desert of sand and fine grains of glass. The area is void of any living beings with the exception of Sehun or maybe his occasional visitors like Kris and Tao.
Sehun never liked people visiting him anyway all he ever does is stare out into the empty void of never-ending oblivion. Face blank and stiff.
Baekhyun shakes his shoulders and looks into Sehun’s eyes. Even in his hazy state of monotonicity Sehun could still make out the panic, sadness and the barely there but still there flicker of pain and loss. Something he hasn’t seen ever since he got sent back to EXO Planet. Something familiar yet isolating.
“Sehun I want you to tell Luhan you love him. It doesn’t matter if he abandoned you already because for all you know he could be out there missing you right now. But whenever you get a chance to meet him again” Baekhyun stops to look at Sehun dead in the eye while the younger tries to look away into the endless pit of sand. Baekhyun turns his body and tilts Sehun’s head up.
“Tell him-tell him you love him. Tell him like you mean it.Please” The word breaks, drops and connects back in a whisper not broken enough. “Just” Baekhyun gasps as his eyes begin to water whether from the harsh wind or his overwhelming emotions, he doesn’t want to know.
“Love him properly okay. Do it right.”
Sehun’s eyes flicker to meet Baekhyun’s for a moment and Baekhyun thinks he feels Sehun nod against his hand but it doesn’t matter. His eyes say I will and I have and that’s all that matters.
It could be tomorrow that Sehun would want to spend the rest of his life looking at the sunset with Luhan instead of the sandy abyss or he might want to keep on sitting in the middle of a sandstorm being lifeless. He still has a chance. Luhan might want him back as a human. But for now, Sehun is happy thinking about the life Luhan is having without a useless bear-now in human form- like him.
It’s enough.
But tomorrow is a different story.
-
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Pairing: Baekyeol, side!taoris, barely there!hunhan, barely there! kaisoo, barely there!sulay
Rating: PG-13
Genre: childhood romance, angst
Word count: 7k~
Summary: : Baekhyun cocks his head to his right trying to hear for his nonexistent dreams.
A/N: written last year with a mashup of miracles in december, the first snow, heaven and into your world. blame the typos on the fact i typed this out with the intention of girl!Chanyeol but ended up editing it last minute into this mess.
-[A heart. Something to make him human enough. A touch of humanity to make him seem alive but that’s not why people buy toys; dolls especially. But they are never meant to be human enough; only the features such as the glassiness of the lifeless plastic eyes and the cotton stuffed into the cloth as a replacement of warm blood and solid organs. They were made to accompany young hearts until they were old enough to make their own real human company.]
“I think he’s ready to be shipped off now, Duizhang"
“But he’s missing something isn't he?”
A heart. Something to make him human enough. A touch of humanity to make him seem alive but that’s not why people buy toys; dolls especially. But they are never meant to be human enough; only the features such as the glassiness of the lifeless plastic eyes and the cotton stuffed into the cloth as a replacement of warm blood and solid organs. They were made to accompany young hearts until they were old enough to make their own real human company.
No, dolls aren't meant to have a heart.
“I don’t think so. If he ever wants one…well that would be highly unlikely since they prefer to live without emotions and all I mean look at Sehun. Even after Luhan left him, he still refused to get a heart. We can always grant him one. After all, they are like our children”
“You’re right Taozi. Now suck up your power and let me deliver this down”
“Yes Duizhang. But you better get me more of those bittersweet liquid in plastic cups or else I’ll freeze you in time as well”
Kris rolls his eyes and falls off the abyss when he feels the fabric of time ripple around him and freeze.
-
The florescent lights twirled around the sweet smelling pine and the huge gold star atop of the tree reflects the light onto the plain white walls of the living room as a little boy about the age of 7 runs out of his room still wearing his pink bunny pajamas. The boy runs into the living room making a few rounds around the brightly lit and well decorated Christmas tree until his mommy calls for his.
“Chanyeol! Stop running and open your presents!”
Chanyeol stops in front of his mother and kneels down to the bottom of the tree to grab an unevenly shaped lump wrapped with pink ribbon and puppies as the wrapping paper. Don’t judge, he has a fetish for puppies even at this age.
The lights flicker behind his as he tears open his present revealing a clothed rag doll with short purple hair and eyes lined with something that could resemble eyeliner. The doll could pass as a girl if it weren't for the tag saying in large gold size 11 Times New Roman SOGOGI-BY EXOPLANET.
Yeah, not the most attractive name but enough to capture the young heart of age 7.
Everyday Chanyeol would be holding on to Sogogi, playing with wooden swords, pretending to have tea parties, drink imaginary tea and whisper his deepest secrets into his little cloth ear.
Chanyeol happily skips into his room, one hand clutching a coloring book and the other his box of crayons. In his seven year old mind, everything is a blend of rainbows and green grass with smiles, innocence only a child could have and of course, his beloved Gogi.
“Soh! Gogi!” the child exclaimed loudly in his shrill voice, his bangs flopping on his forehead, emphasizing his excitement. Chanyeol bounced onto his bed, making the mattress creak in protest from his weight.
He hugged his doll that was lying limply on a hand stitched blue pillow next to his own white laced one. Just like any doll, Sogogi would have his own pair of jackets to suit the play dates they would have in the backyard, dancing around in the summer heat. Even if he was made out of cloth and stuffed cotton, Sogogi would look longingly at his limp stuffed hand through his glass eyes and silently wishes that in the near future he would be able to feel Chanyeol’s warm hand burning through his own.
“Guess what Soh?” he asked his doll while fiddling with his pajama sleeve.
What Chanyeol?
Instead beady lined eyes stare back at his, even so with slight curiosity swirling around the glass.
“I just met this Chinese boy at class, Luhan, he looks so cute with his sparkling eyes and baby face. He insists that I call him Xiao Lu”
Chanyeol cooed into the air. The boy was practically glowing with childhood happiness as he covers his face with his hand that isn’t holding on to Sogogi, crayons and color book long forgotten on the bedside table.
“Goodnight Soh. I’ll play with you tomorrow! We can play dress up in the afternoon and then we drink tea! Sounds good to you?” Chanyeol yawns sleepily and his eyelids flutter close.
Sogogi is left to stare at the glow in the dark stars stuck on the ceiling.
Goodnight Prince I’ll do anything with you and for you.
-
“Ohmygod this is so frustrating.” Sogogi all but yells at poor Joonmyeon the toy soldier and Jongin the stuffed puppy on the shelf.
“He said this Han boy was cute and no Jongin, Kai or whatever floats your boat okay, he doesn’t call anyone cute but me”
Jongin just rolls his eyes and hoists Kyungsoo the small wooden puppet up his furry ear while Jongdae just pops back into his box in his attempt to drown out Sogogi’s constant whining about his object of affection. They have enough of Sogogi’s shit to get by in their lives.
“I knew this day would come but I didn’t expect it to be so tiresome” Kyungsoo sighs against Jongin’s brown ear while petting it with his thin wooden hand. It wasn't that they didn’t want to be toys on earth as this was their sole destiny as a being made my EXO PLANET. They were made for a reason and it’s not like they were forced to come down. But Sogogi’s love problems aren’t helping any they all swear.
Joonmyeon lets out a gust of hollow air from his plastic body. “We were sent down to take care and watch over you, Sogogi but everything is your decision.” His words didn’t really make sense but to Sogogi, that simple sentence held onto a lot of meaning. It almost held life.
Every toy has it story just like how every rose has their thorn. They weren’t made just out of plastic and synthetics but made from love and care as cliché as it sounds from their masters. Each and every one of them was given the ability to have all feelings; sadness, happiness, anger and of course, love.
But even if they had feelings, they will never be human. Every morning they would have to go back to being rigid, solid objects left for humans to dote on. The cold trickling in their limp plastic bodies will always lack the heat humans have. There will never be the beating of a heart in their empty lackluster bodies.
“Think about it Soh”
-
Good morning Chanyeol.
Sogogi lies limply against Chanyeol’s arm covering the upper half of his body and stares blankly at the coloring book neglected on the bedside table last night. The most recent one was a picture of a boy and boy playing on a playground with flowers surrounding them. In the A4 paper the sun was shining at the corner colored with buttery yellow circles and there were butterflies landing on the delicate petals of the drawn calla lilies that were colored a soft baby pink emitting innocence.
“Good morning Sogogi!” Chanyeol yawns loudly and bounces off the bed grabbing his hand and proceeding to drag him across the floor all the way to the bathroom. Sogogi catches Joonmyeon’s eye from the top of the toy shelf and mouths a faint I know what to do to him, hoping he’ll understand.
But Sogogi himself doesn’t even understand what he wants. Life isn’t all that bad as a toy when you get to sit next on the basin while your
owner busy smearing mint toothpaste all over his tooth brush and mouth and then being dragged all the way down exactly 20 steps then across the wooden floor but then being made up by sitting on his lap while occasional spoonful’s of cereals make a bump on the sewn thread that makes up his mouth.
But it gets painful when all you want to do is just reach out your limp hand towards another warm hand, brush their cheeks; warmth seeping through fingertips like mist, respond with the lightest nod and form a coherent sentence that can actually be heard.
And Sogogi doesn’t like pain.
-
The sun was beating down heavily onto the freshly cut grass in the backyard where there was a mini four-legged plastic table complete with colorful chairs on each sides. This was where Chanyeol would spoil Sogogi every day after coming back from school. The boy would run upstairs excitedly, stomping up wooden floorboards making them creak and into his room to quickly grab Sogogi by his hand and to the backyard.
Everyday Sogogi would sit on the bed waiting for Chanyeol to come back from kindergarten, staring idly at the window thinking about what he would do if-when- he’s human. He would take Chanyeol to buy ice-cream from that truck across street, smear ice-cream on his cheek only to lick it off and most importantly make his the happiest 7 year old.
When they would grow up, he would guild his through his homework, protect his from bullies, secretly look at his when he isn’t looking and make his feel safe and protected under his guidance.
But all plans went down the drain when Sogogi feels the familiar burn of the sun shining down onto his thin layer of fabric protecting his stuffing.
“Look Gogi! I bought you a new hoodie! It has the letters SG sewn on it just like your name!” the little chirped happily. Sogogi could only mentally smile as Chanyeol shrugged on the hoodie onto his small limp body.
Looks great Chanyeol. Did you get it especially for me?
“You look really handsome with it”
If Sogogi had blood instead of stuffing he would have blushed. Hard.
Thank you.
Sogogi told himself he didn’t care if he couldn’t tell his that himself. For now.
-
One day he takes Luhan home while Sogogi was resting on the shelf with Jongin and Kyungsoo accompanying him. Last night, Chanyeol was going on and on about the play date they had and Sogogi had to refrain from rolling his eyes and telling himself that it’s okay. It’s just a play date. No big deal. He can make all the friends he wants. It’s okay Gogi. Calm down.
“You do realize you’re practically head over heels for a 7 year old kid right? And none of us are really sure how old we really are.” Joonmyeon tell him that night.
Sogogi just answers him with an “It doesn’t matter as long as I know I love his. It’ll be alright”
Cheeks glowing and hands shaking in excitement Chanyeol shows Luhan around his room and gestures towards the shelf in which Sogogi and his friends were occupying.
“Oh and that’s Sogogi!” Chanyeol points his finger towards him and smiles brightly.
Beautiful.
“He’s my best friend forever and ever. I tell him everything.”
I’m his best friend forever and ever. How nice.
But Sogogi told Jongin and Kyungsoo he didn’t mind as long as he could still be with his everyday drinking tea and playing with plastic cups.
-
One day Sogogi decides to be selfish and conjures up the image of an unfamiliar home of a purple warehouse and let’s himself get washed up into the fabric of time and space and into another world where maybe his selfish wish could be granted and things would actually go the way he wanted them to be.
He was lying on a table full of tools and cloth when he resurfaced from his short coma on his way there. The first he thought was how finally, finally after a year he would be granted a heart to be human. He would do the things he wasn’t able to as a toy. He would have Chanyeol as selfish he sounded.
“So you’re here because you want a heart?” Kris stepped out from the shadows as Zitao appeared from poking at the hearth.
“Ye-wait how did you know?”
“Of course I do. You’re one of my children. How could I not?”
Sogogi’s heart swelled from Kris’ words. Not because he could grant him a heart but because of the gratitude to his supposedly father.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Sogogi manages to mumble after the soaring of his heartbeat has calmed down from its initial rate.
Zitao steps forward holding a poker from the fireplace in his hands with dragging on the floor to create patterns. Kris frowns while Sogogi gets up on his elbows, feeling his pressure on his arms increase from the weight.
“Yes we’ll give you a heart. You’ll start your life one year and month after he received you for Christmas. He won’t remember Sogogi or any memories of you as a toy. Jongin, Kyungsoo, Joonmyeon and Jongdae will come back here and they won’t be remembered as well. I’m pretty sure we don’t need to send anyone down to watch over you this time” Something in Zitao’s eyes soften. Something that tells Sogogi there’s something the man isn’t telling him but that didn’t matter to him anymore.
He could start life over with Chanyeol and that would be enough for him. Anything could wait for later. He would no longer be immobile and limp. He would soon be able to feel every tendon and nerve in his body. He would soon to be able to talk to Chanyeol. Tell his everything he always wanted to.
Even though he would remember every single thing that ever happened, every smile, every cup of fake tea, every bite of fake plastic cake and every hug while Chanyeol wouldn’t even remember a thing, Sogogi convinces himself its fine because he would have all the time in the world for Chanyeol to know him.
Zitao frowns deeply as if he could read Sogogi’s thoughts.
-
A soft knock at Chanyeol’s window interrupted his afternoon cat nap on the comforters of his bed. With a yawn, Chanyeol rubbed his crusted lids with a fisted hand while trying to peak between his little fingers at the window. Getting up on his knees, he crawled across his crumpled bed sheets to the warm sunlight streaming from the window. Out of the corner of his eye, he eyed one of the empty spaces on his toy shelf.
He would ask his mommy to buy him another doll for Christmas soon.
It took all of his energy to push open the window and was rewarded by the blast of cold wind blasting at his face. He blinked multiple times in attempt to moisturize his dry eyes. Chanyeol looked down to see a boy clad with a blue coat waving up at his with hands fisted around small pebbles.
His face was oddly and painfully familiar in Chanyeol’s hazy mind as if he’s seen him somewhere somehow before. The sharp jawline and square row of teeth shining in the grey background making it even harder to remember him.
“Hello! My name is Byun Baekhyun! I’m the new boy next door! Nice to meet you”
-
The tinkle of Chanyeol’s giggle makes Baekhyun’s heart throb fast and hard against his ribcage and butterfly wings linger against the surface of his stomach. He fights to swallow his saliva while holding Chanyeol’s tiny fingers between his own as the boy happily bounces their way across the park to stop in front of a bright pink truck. An ice cream truck.
“Baekhyunnie~” he pouts and Baekhyun chants to himself 8 years olds can’t have heart attacks over and over mentally and smiles physically.
“Buy me chocolate ice cream with vanilla sprinkles, please?” he whines in his high pitched voice that only Baekhyun can find it so oddly endearing and cute and ohmygod 8 years old can’t have heart attacks and No Baekhyun you’re acting like a pedophile which you are most definitely not.
“Alright” Baekhyun gives in to the glistening eyes and pouty bottom lip and rummages his coat pocket for some extra change he might have forgotten to take out or maybe Kris’ has decided to play saint when to scours up exactly enough coins to pay for two ice cream cones.
Baekhyun stops in front of open window to face the ahjusshi working there. “Hello ahjusshi! May I have two scoops of chocolate ice cream with vanilla please?” he said using his best aegyo to hopefully charm the older man.
Pfft Baekhyun you’re better than that.
“Why of course, you youngster.” He says while ruffling Baekhyun’s hair and winking at Chanyeol causing Baekhyun to blush bright and Chanyeol to erupt into a series of soft giggles. And the butterflies start fluttering away in his stomach again.
He quickly grabs that two ice cream cones that were given to him and puts his coins into the money jar on the counter.
“Thank you ahjusshi!” they both yell at the same time while running away with Baekhyun struggling to hold two ice creams in his tiny hands.
“No problem! Make sure the ice cream doesn’t melt!”
-
“Hey Baekhyunnie, You’ve never actually told me where you were from.” Chanyeol looks up from his ice cream and Baekhyun blushes red when he sees a dab of melted ice cream smeared across his cheek. The urge to wipe it off using his own sticky ice cream coated hands is barely suppressible so that he can see his squirm in his sticky touch. Oh God Baekhyun internally moans that sounded so wrong.
“Oh me? I come from someplace far, far away”
Chanyeol pouts again and this time Baekhyun doesn’t resist his temptations and leans in to press his own cold lips against his ice cream smeared cheek for a wet kiss. The sun is beating down on them, clouds half covering the blue sky, ice cream melting into his hands, and waffle crumbs stick between his fingers. Everything is messy but Baekhyun finds bliss in Chanyeol’s flustered yet cute expression as he licks the ice cream off.
“Yah Baekkie!” he mock hits Baekhyun on his shoulder and now his jacket sleeve is covered is melted ice cream goo but it doesn’t matter when Chanyeol presses his own hands onto his cheeks and smiles a wide even the ice cream in his hands melted into sticky mush. Or maybe it’s the sun but Baekhyun likes to think it’s not.
-
The sun was glaring down hard unforgiving and angry down at the chalky grey pavements. Baekhyun wiped a bead of sweat that trailed down the side of his forehead using his checkered sleeve of his hoodie. His hand was slick with sweat and fingers were griped tight on the cold rubber of a toy ball that Chanyeol insisted calling Key.
“Ready get set, catch!” Baekhyun yelled as loud as he could with his small lungs, inhaling deeply and exhaling with the scream.
Chanyeol runs across the backyard to chase after the ball that was propelling midair higher than any 8 year old can jump and Baekhyun feels slightly guilty when the ball landed farther than he expected it to. He raised his arm against his forehead in effort to wipe more beads of sweat that was making its way down onto his face. Winter was supposed to come sooner but the familiar cold winds are nowhere to be felt.
“Don’t worry Baekhyun! I’ll go get it” Chanyeol waves his hand none committedly and skips his way across the street where the ball or Key was resting under the shadows of a shrub. Baekhyun really didn’t think the ball would land that far but oh well. He’s a growing child.
Baekhyun decides to accompany Chanyeol all the way to the sidewalk where across it would be a T junction where Chanyeol would be heading to get his ball. “Be careful!” he yells and Chanyeol turns back to give him a small reassuring smile saying Its okay Baekkie! I’ll save Key myself!
The sun shines just a little duller, the clouds cover the atmosphere just a little more, the sidewalk burns into the soles of his sneakers just tad uncomfortably, the car rushing across the left side of the T junction just a little too fast for traffic rules, the trees ruffling in the wind causing the leaves to sing just a little bit too mournfully for a sunny day, the irony of how the pink ice cream truck drove straight to the middle of the junction to collide to the car just a little too much, the muffled footsteps from Chanyeol halting on the course gravel on the road just a little too painful, the wind blasting in his ears just a little louder than the blood rushing up to his head making him feel nauseated.
No.
It’s amazing how one second you’re playing happily in the backyard without fearing the presence of monsters threatening to eat you alive and another you’re staring at something that you couldn’t hear, couldn’t see and couldn’t feel anymore. He was wrong.
Baekhyun closed his eyes tightly hoping to erase the image of bloody road and a lump of red in front of it. The adrenaline from earlier burning out in his veins, making him pant and his heart running into frenzy because no, this cannot be happening. Pain and regret seared deep in his heart making his small 8 year old body topple over on the sidewalk. Pain. A lot of red hot burning searing heart clenching rippling pain.
People are yelling, honks are blasting, doors are banging open, curtains are pushed aside to see what had happened, phones are ringing to the hospital saying Help! Help! There’s an accident here and the boy's dying! Quickly! Quickly!
Key was never rescued and was still sitting innocently, abandoned under the protection of the shrub.
He pressed his flat palms against his eyes, trying not to let the tears spill. He already knew something was bound to happen. Zitao warned him enough times that his bliss wouldn’t last forever. But he could’ve done something to stop it. If only he didn’t tell his to catch the ball across the street. If only he didn’t throw the ball so high. If only he wasn’t so selfish. If only he could help it.
But he can. In his mind he conjures up the image of a purple warehouse with a crystalline rocky background and feels the all too familiar tug from being teleported to another universe.
-
“If we could go back in time, would it make a difference?”
Kris only sighed while Zitao mumbled a soft I knew this would happen under his breath. He could go back in time just as easy but he could sense that what Baekhyun is feeling now is not only sadness and anguish but regret for how he never got to grow up with his or say what he always wanted to his.
He never got to say he loved-loves his.
“Soh-Baek, he was only a child. 8 years old while you’re actually older than your body deceives to be. You can’t go all pedophile oppa on him. He’s gone. Even if I rewind time, do you think he’ll still be there? Its fate Baekhyunnie. You will go back in time, you will play with the damned ball, you will still throw it higher than you should and he would still get killed because even we can’t escape the harsh reality of fate” Zitao said softly as to not trigger anything in the broken boy lying in front of him.
“But what if I could stop it from happening? When I do we can grow up together even with my mindset as a 20 year old.” Baekhyun begs still on his knees in front of Kris and Zitao.
Kris looked away from the boy that was once a toy, his precious creation of life and walked back to face the giant window behind him, looking out into the horizon. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally turned his head to the side; his face looked oddly resigned like he’d made a decision that could cause a massive destruction and yet he still did.
“Send him back to the moment they were playing at the front yard. Baek I’m letting you do this because I can’t stand seeing one of the things closest to being my children hurt. But I’m not going to guarantee that you can save his. You won’t remember anything from this trip and we’ll see how it goes from there.”
-
The sun was glaring down hard unforgiving and angry down at the chalky grey pavements. Baekhyun wiped a bead of sweat that trailed down the side of his forehead using his checkered sleeve of his hoodie. His hand was slick with sweat and fingers were griped tight on the cold rubber of a toy ball that Chanyeol insisted calling Key.
“Ready get set, catch!” Baekhyun yelled as loud as he could with his small lungs, inhaling deeply and exhaling with the scream.
Chanyeol runs across the backyard to chase after the ball that was propelling midair higher than any 8 year old can jump and Baekhyun feels slightly guilty when the ball landed farther than he expected it to. He raised his arm against his forehead in effort to wipe more beads of sweat that was making its way down onto his face. Winter was supposed to come sooner but the familiar cold winds are nowhere to be felt.
“Don’t worry Baekhyun! I’ll go get it” Chanyeol waves his hand none committedly and skips his way across the street where the ball or Key was resting under the shadows of a shrub. Baekhyun really didn’t think the ball would land that far but oh well. He’s a growing child.
Baekhyun decides to accompany Chanyeol all the way to the sidewalk where across it would be a T junction where Chanyeol would be heading to get his ball. “Be careful!” he yells and Chanyeol turns back to give him a small reassuring smile saying It’s okay Baekkie! I’ll save Key myself!
The sun shines just a little duller, the clouds cover the atmosphere just a little more, the sidewalk burns into the soles of his sneakers just tad uncomfortably, the car rushing across the left side of the T junction just a little too fast for traffic rules, the trees ruffling in the wind causing the leaves to sing just a little bit too mournfully for a sunny day, the irony of how the pink ice cream truck drove straight to the middle of the junction to collide to the car just a little too much, the muffled footsteps from Chanyeol halting on the course gravel on the road just a little too painful, the wind blasting in his ears just a little louder than the blood rushing up to his head making him feel nauseated.
No.
It’s amazing how one second you’re playing happily in the backyard without fearing the presence of monsters threatening to eat you alive and another you’re staring at something that you couldn’t hear, couldn’t see and couldn’t feel anymore. He was wrong.
Siren’s blare loudly in Baekhyun’s ears. Even as the black clouds of depression and tragic looming over his head and the feeling of his heart literally cracking in his chest, the sky is still blue as day and the kids next door are still playing with their football happily in their childhood innocence. He can’t be too late. No. He just can’t. It just can’t be. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Zitao was wrong. Maybe it could change. Maybe it wasn’t his. Maybe he could be the one lying there drenched in red blood. But as people stopped walking pass, the kids stop playing and screaming to gawk in horror and run in their house to call their mommy, maybe he was the wrong one thinking he could reverse fate and change it.
Maybe it wasn’t his. Maybe he could be the one lying there drenched in red blood. But as people stopped walking pass, the kids stop playing and screaming to gawk in horror and run in their house to call their mommy, maybe he was the wrong one thinking he could reverse fate and change it.
He was the stupid one after all.
His visions shrinks around him, stomach heaving, lungs struggling, head pounding and body shaking. He presses his hands on the sidewalk and let’s himself goes slack on the sidewalk, ignoring the anguished cries on Mr. and Mrs. Park.
-
“Please please please Kris. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no reason to live anymore without his. The only reason I’m alive is because of his. If I can’t have his back, just take way my heart. Take it away please. It hurts that I never got to go to middle school with his, never got to hold his hand and walk through the doors of high school, invite his to prom and dance with his.” Baekhyun sobs brokenly at of Kris’ and Zitao’s workshop.
It hurts a lot. Now there are no more melting ice cream coating his fingers, no more playing under the sun, no more dress ups, no more happy smiles and laughter, no more light to his darkness and no more Chanyeol.
Baekhyun kneels down onto the hardwood and presses his forehead onto to cold wood. He closes his eyes and sees. Sees himself and Chanyeol running through fields of grass and flowers, sees them stargazing under a gazebo, sees them decorating their very own Christmas tree in their newly brought apartment, and sees the future they’ll never have.
Chanyeol is gone but Baekhyun still holds on to a figment his imagination. It’s sad, really.
Being stuck in a child’s body and even after all this time Baekhyun still has a mind of a child held on a thin string of jaundice hope, never growing up, always staying in his sanctuary of make believe and neverland. But behind the polished caverns of childish hope and sticky ice cream coated fingers, Baekhyun knows what he wants and what he can do.
He knows.
“Just take my heart away please. I don’t need it anymore without his. Take it and bring his back if you can. Please. Just take it” he mumbles softly on the ground. Theres no more use crying or whimpering anymore, no use to stain his cheeks with tears anymore. Baekhyun sees no use anymore when all he can see is Chanyeol right beside him telling him its okay baekhyunnie we’ll play together next time and it hurts. It hurts so badly.
Zitao immediately tears up seeing one of his precious children in so much pain. Kris just looks on and sighs, hand motioning to huge mahogany mantel at the corner of his workshop. A shadow rises up and takes form of human silhouette. The man’s face was pale and round with his lips curved into a kind smile while a dimple makes an indent on his cheek.
Said man walks over to the table next to the mantel he just rose from, pulls out a chair, sits down and pats Jongin, Kyungsoo and Jongdae who were sitting obediently watching Baekhyun helplessly beg and he doesn’t forget to give Joonmyeon he climbed on his shoulder an affectionate brush of his lips on his plastic body. That little act of love makes Baekhyun’s heart clench painfully.
“So Yixing, what do you think?” Kris sighs and looks tiredly at him. He has already foreseen this scenario plenty and among all the other wishing stars on exo planet, letting Baekhyun have his way would be too much. It would be hard, reversing time and reviving a dead person back from the Underworld. It wasn’t that Yixing couldn’t do it but it would mean risking time space and turning back unwanted events for someone else. It would be alternate endings in different universes. The outcome wouldn’t be able to be predicted. For all Kris knows, Baekhyun could be sent back into the wrong time and end up killing himself from excessive travel in time space.
Knowing Baekhyun, he couldn’t care less about dying.
“Duizhang, I think I already know your decision and yes, the outcome might be risky but if we’re all willing to try I don’t see why not” Yixing says softly while gesturing towards the toys waiting on the table and Joonmyeon who has taken a liking to Yixing’s shoulder. Going back in time would also mean danger to the guardian toys but by the looks of it, like Baekhyun they’re willing to take the risk. As for Joonmyeon, if something should happen to him he knows Yixing will be thise to take and heal him back. Even if he doesn’t, it’s okay. Joonmyeon will still be contented.
“Okay then. Tao, come here. And Baekhyun I want you to know that the outcome from this won’t be guaranteed and for all we know, you might die in between so please don’t put so much hope on us. We’ll bring Chanyeol back to you but this will be the last time we’ll do anything like this for you. We love you but please just do the right thing this time.”
Baekhyun closes his eyes against the hardwood grained floor.
The first time Baekhyun was Sogogi wearing clothes Chanyeol brought for him, speaking incoherent words in the air and lying limply as Chanyeol played with him. The second time Baekhyun was a boy who wore hoodies and sneakers, hands covered with ice cream, giving Chanyeol sticky ice cream cooties, cold lips against sun-kissed heated skin and making mistakes. The third time Baekhyun was still a boy who made mistakes. But the forth and the last time, Baekhyun would do it right. He would hold Chanyeol’s hand and take his bubble tea dates and grow together with his whether as a brother, best friend in need, lover or simply a soul mate.
He would do it right for the last time.
He feels the wind gently take him away from EXO Planet, a place he learned how to love and live and let himself be carried away to another universe where a happy ending would be found.
-
The florescent lights twirled around the sweet smelling pine and the huge gold star atop of the tree reflects the light onto the plain white walls of the living room as a little boy about the age of 7 runs out of his room still wearing his pink bunny pajamas. The boy runs into the living room making a few rounds around the brightly lit and well decorated Christmas tree until his mommy calls for him.
“Yeollie ! Stop running and go open the door. There’s a new neighbor that just moved in and we’re going to visit them!”
Yeollie stops running and stops in front of the Christmas tree. The soft twinkling of lights brushing the mahogany walls a faint blue green yellow and red while the tree reaches high above and the staccato pops and bursts of Christmas music in the background. His childlike mind comprehends a soft knock at the door and his feet make paddling noises muffled with socks against the wooden board floor.
Making his way in front of the door, Yeollie yanks it open and outside, the blue and grey skyline shines against the pale yellow setting of the sky, wind blowing and no trace of the sun, a boy waits nervously with his hands held at the back as if hiding something.
Said boy was dressed in a hoodie that the initials SG sewn on it and red sneakers that weren’t meant for the cold and Yeollie feels a sense of recognition even though the boy must the new neighbor his mommy was talking about.
“Hello my name Baekhyun but you can call me Baekkie!” the boy smiles brightly revealing a square row of teeth and shining eyes. Yeollie smiles even brighter.
“H-hi. I’m Yeollie . Nice to meet you.” He stutters and blushes when Baekhyun laughs. He holds out his hand behind his back and steps forward to give it to Yeollie .
“Here these are for you. You can keep one and I’ll take the other. My mommy says they can’t live without each other so we’ll meet up every day to play together so they wouldn’t be separated” he says shyly while Yeollie giggles and tells him that yes, he would love to even though they just met. Something about him just seems to familiar and comforting. Behind them, Yeollie’s mommy towers above them to usher Yeollie out to the front yard to visit Baekhyun’s house and they both can see each other’s happy smiles and twinkling eyes.
In Baekhyun’s hand, two teddy bears have their hands linked together have their names printed in 11 Times New Roman on a golden tag saying SEHUN AND LUHAN FROM EXO PLANET.
-
In an alternate universe
The florescent lights twirled around the sweet smelling pine and the huge gold star atop of the tree reflects the light onto the plain white walls of the living room as a little boy about the age of 7 runs out of his room still wearing his pink bunny pajamas. The boy runs into the living room making a few rounds around the brightly lit and well decorated Christmas tree until his mommy calls for his.
“Chanyeol-ah! Stop running and open your presents!”
Chanyeol stops in front of his mother and kneels down to the bottom of the tree to grab an unevenly shaped lump wrapped with pink ribbon and puppies as the wrapping paper. Don’t judge, he has a fetish for puppies even at this age.
The lights flicker behind his as he tears open his present revealing a clothed rag doll with short purple hair and eyes lined with something that could resemble eyeliner. The doll could pass as a girl if it weren’t for the tag saying in large gold size 11 Times New Roman.
BYUNBAEK-BY EXOPLANET.
Outside, two boys run around in their front yard while chasing each other with wooden swords. Behind them, the purple horizon watches on.
-
Bonus chapter
"Tao wait! I want to see Sehun before I go!" Baekhyun holds out his hand as if to stop Tao from putting him back into the past. Even if he really wants to save Chanyeol, he still has something to do. Something to tell to a beloved. A lesson to tell. A story of regret.
Tao smiled softly at him before nodding to Kris to open the door for Baekhyun. They understand that it was something important for both Sehun and Baekhyun. Between the purple clouds and rocky glimmering landscapes of EXO Planet, Kris and Tao understand. They understand the pain of losing someone they love. Of losing someone they treasure and hope to keep forever instead of letting it sink to the bottom of the green ocean.
Baekhyun runs out into the terrain and immediately turns a sharp left towards the sudden windiness of the atmosphere. The sharp bangs and splashes of air current, banks and brushes of unleashed anguish. He runs towards where he would know Sehun would be sitting. Waiting and hoping. But barely holding on to a thread of life and humanity.
How does it feel to be animal and human at the same time?
"Sehun! Sehun-ah!" Baekhyun yells over the loud hustle and roar of the wind. He spots Sehun’s faint silhouette among all the ashes and debris dancing in the air, making pirouettes and grand jetes in a ring of falling smoke.
Sehun blinks and turns around to find a flustered and red Baekhyun briskly jogging towards him.
How does it feel to have the world at your hands yet powerless at the same time?
"Sehun!" Baekhyun calls out again and reaches out to pat Sehun’s lifeless face, void of any emotion ever since Luhan abandoned him. His eyes flicker a light brown in recognition and Baekhyun feels desperation creeping up like vines twisting and curling around his body. Up his legs, curling around his skinny torso and wrapping themselves about his head. Pounding.
He tries to regain his breath from the suffocating air around him and leans against the chair Sehun has looking over the dry desert of sand and fine grains of glass. The area is void of any living beings with the exception of Sehun or maybe his occasional visitors like Kris and Tao.
Sehun never liked people visiting him anyway all he ever does is stare out into the empty void of never-ending oblivion. Face blank and stiff.
Baekhyun shakes his shoulders and looks into Sehun’s eyes. Even in his hazy state of monotonicity Sehun could still make out the panic, sadness and the barely there but still there flicker of pain and loss. Something he hasn’t seen ever since he got sent back to EXO Planet. Something familiar yet isolating.
“Sehun I want you to tell Luhan you love him. It doesn’t matter if he abandoned you already because for all you know he could be out there missing you right now. But whenever you get a chance to meet him again” Baekhyun stops to look at Sehun dead in the eye while the younger tries to look away into the endless pit of sand. Baekhyun turns his body and tilts Sehun’s head up.
“Tell him-tell him you love him. Tell him like you mean it.Please” The word breaks, drops and connects back in a whisper not broken enough. “Just” Baekhyun gasps as his eyes begin to water whether from the harsh wind or his overwhelming emotions, he doesn’t want to know.
“Love him properly okay. Do it right.”
Sehun’s eyes flicker to meet Baekhyun’s for a moment and Baekhyun thinks he feels Sehun nod against his hand but it doesn’t matter. His eyes say I will and I have and that’s all that matters.
It could be tomorrow that Sehun would want to spend the rest of his life looking at the sunset with Luhan instead of the sandy abyss or he might want to keep on sitting in the middle of a sandstorm being lifeless. He still has a chance. Luhan might want him back as a human. But for now, Sehun is happy thinking about the life Luhan is having without a useless bear-now in human form- like him.
It’s enough.
But tomorrow is a different story.
-
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