loose spaces [1/2]
title: loose spaces
pairings: baekhyun/chanyeol, (super uber squint squint ninja!kaisoo cause i say so)
rating: pg
length: 5800~
an: for dee, i hope ur happy. i agonized over this cause i cant write for shit
an i: loosely based on the manga Kamisama Ga Yadoru by Chidori Peko
an ii: happy bday chanyeol and for my precious baekyeol lemme be flower gull at ur wedding y'hear?
an iii: also thanks to airplanewishes and lababoreine ♥ for beta-ing and i offer all this suckiness to all the baekyeol shippers, bless us ;;;;
"God lives in every word so you must never tell lies." Grandma Byun says as she sits on her rocking chair while the two young boys sat on the floor of the living room, hanging on to the old lady's every word. They always spend afternoons like this; Baekhyun invites Chanyeol over to his house after school where they eat snacks before settling down in the living room to listen to his grandmama's stories. She tells them a new one each day, more interesting and beautiful than the last. There are stories of adventure, of discovering places beyond this world. Stories of friendship and of love ever after. Each one is a life's lesson she urges them to take to heart.
Twelve-year-old Baekhyun asks his grandmother. "Does God live in my words, too?"
"Of course, dear."
"How 'bout mine, grandma?" Chanyeol scoots closer to the rocking chair, eager to hear the answer.
"Yes, so remember never to lie." The old woman says with a fond smile.
The taller boy nods enthusiastically before facing his friend. "We're going away soon. But I'll definitely come back." Chanyeol places his hand on top of Baekhyun's. "And then I'll marry you."
"Ya! What are you saying?" Baekhyun feels warmth spread across his plump cheeks.
"But It's true. Because I really love you, Baekhyun!" Chanyeol hooks their pinkies together. "It's a promise."
When Chanyeol returns one summer day, he's changed. Baekhyun doesn't recognize him when he opens the door to find a tall, lanky teen in his doorstep. He peers up at the face of a boy a head taller than himself.
Baekhyun's eyes widen as the boy suddenly gathers him into a bear hug, lifting him up until only his toes are touching the ground. "Baekhyun-ah!" Baekhyun can feel a tingling in his spine as the boy's deep voice hit a chord of recognition. He pulls back a little from the stranger's tight grip and it is then that he clearly sees his face. Those eyes and that smile.
"Ch-Chanyeol?" he asks in wonder. Gone is the baby fat to be replaced by slender limbs in a camouflage-patterned hoodie and long, skinny legs covered in worn blue jeans. "Is it really you?"
"Yes!" And he pulls Baekhyun into another bone-crushing embrace before letting go and looking over Baekhyun's head. "Where's everybody?"
Baekhyun's voice sounds breathless when he answers. "Um, they're still at work."
"Oh," Chanyeol says disappointedly but smiles quickly again. "Take me to grandma, then."
The taller boy holds on to Baekhyun's hand and walks past him into the house. Baekhyun closes the door with his free hand before he gets dragged all the way inside. He is still too surprised to do anything but follow behind Chanyeol and stare at their linked hands. It's been so long since the last time he found his hand enveloped within Chanyeol's warm ones. But he remembers this warmth. It is then that it finally hits him. After five years, Chanyeol's back.
"Where should---?"
"The door to your right." Baekhyun answers. Chanyeol lets go of his hand to slide the door open. He looks at Baekhyun, his eyes asking for permission. "Go ahead."
He enters the room behind Chanyeol. Baekhyun stares as his friend kneels before his grandmother's photograph. The boy bows deeply before speaking. "I'm here grandma. I---" There's a pause where Baekhyun can hear a faint sniffle. "I'm sorry I didn't return soon. I miss you a lot."
His vision starts to blur as Chanyeol continues. "I've been fine. And see, grandma? I kept my promise. I'm here and I've returned for good."
Baekhyun's heart slams in his chest as he hears the word promise.
And then I'll marry you... Because I really love you, Baekhyun! It's a promise.
He gets snatched from his memories when Chanyeol stands up and walks towards him. "I know I already said it but... I'm back."
Baekhyun looks at his best friend's eyes. The last time he was able to do that was the day Chanyeol's family moved away. They were both in tears as they said their goodbyes. Now, he's happy his friend is back but he feels there's still something missing.
Chanyeol, what of the other promise? Have you forgotten about it? He wants to ask those questions but instead he says, "Welcome home, Chanyeol."
The crisp afternoon air nips into Baekhyun's fair skin. He can feel winter approaching even through his thick navy blue uniform. He really doesn't like the cold. He rubs the tops of his ears to keep them warm and sighs as he enters the Science building for his last class for the day. Exams are coming and there's a whole lot of stuff to review. He's so tired these days, what with studying and the school project he's been helping out on to receive extra credit.
He is about to round a corner when a big hand holds on to the back of his neck making him jump and yelp in surprise. "Boo!" A deep voice says against his ear and Baekhyun cringes as warm breath touches a sensitive part of his neck.
"Ya, Park Chanyeol!" Baekhyun elbows the tall boy beside him. "Get your hands off me!"
Chanyeol chuckles and gives Baekhyun's neck a last tickling squeeze before letting go. "You're no fun, Baek."
"I would appreciate it if I'm not the one you always make fun of," Baekhyun says and continues walking.
Chanyeol catches up to him with his long strides. He pouts and playfully nudges the smaller boy's shoulder. "You never minded before."
Baekhyun rolls his eyes at Chanyeol. "Who said I didn't mind? I did. It's just that I can defend myself better now."
"Oh, really now."
"Yes, I'm older and I learned Hapkido. I didn't just sit around while you were gone, you know. I also--" Baekhyun is too busy with his monologue to notice the mischievous glint in his best friend's eyes. He yelps for the second time when Chanyeol wraps his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders and leans down to blow directly at the back of his neck this time. "Ya!"
He tries to squirm away but Chanyeol's grip is tight. He hears his friend laugh after every puff of air against his nape. For all his resistance, Baekhyun's really ticklish there so he can't help but giggle. "Chanyeol, s-stop it!"
But Chanyeol doesn't stop and instead pulls him closer, clearly enjoying it. "Nope!" the boy says and continues his attack. Baekhyun did train in martial arts and he can easily defend himself but for some reason his knees feel weak. He isn't even really trying to push Chanyeol away.
"Baekhyun-hyung?"
The both of them pause to look up at the owner of the voice. Baekhyun sees Jongin, a junior who shares an Advance Biology class with him. "Jongin-ssi." Baekhyun uses the opportunity to step away from Chanyeol. "Hey."
Jongin shifts his gaze from him to Chanyeol and back again, probably wondering why two seniors are acting like children and on the school corridors no less. "Uh, I was on my way to class. You want to walk together?"
"Uh, sure," Baekhyun answers. He looks at Chanyeol who appears to be studying Jongin. "Chanyeol, I’ve got to go."
"Wait!" His best friend holds onto his arm. "Uh, can I borrow your English notes?"
"Notes? You didn't take down any again?" Baekhyun supposes he shouldn't have asked. Chanyeol borrows his notes every day since he started attending Baekhyun's high school this year. He rummages through his bag for his notebook and hands it over to his friend. "Here."
"Uh, it's Tuesday so I have a shift at the store today. I won't be able to return this until tomorrow."
"It's okay. I already studied for that anyway." Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol and waits for him to say something more since he didn't move to go. "Do you need anything else?" he asks after an awkward pause.
The taller boy darts a last glance at Jongin before looking at Baekhyun. "Nothing else." Then Chanyeol gives him his signature grin and waves before walking away. Baekhyun's eyes follow his friend's retreating back and he wonders why he feels something's amiss.
"Hyung?"
Baekhyun shakes his head and walks together with Jongin, his mind still on Chanyeol.
Chanyeol invades Baekhyun's thoughts in the most inopportune times. Like right now, when he should be busy studying instead of reminiscing about running and playing at the park, about rocking chairs and homemade biscuits. He can't seem to stop it. He sees Chanyeol's face when he closes his eyes. His large brown eyes, straight nose and lips that stretches over perfect white teeth when he smiles. He lays his head on his study table and remembers the first time they met.
Chanyeol was hiding behind his mother’s skirt as they stood in the doorway and Baekhyun was holding onto his mother's as Mrs. Byun gave them a home cooked casserole meant as a welcoming gift for their new neighbors. Chanyeol was almost of the same age, only a few months younger, but he was already taller than Baekhyun. His mother introduced him to the Parks and Baekhyun was kind of nervous because although Mr. and Mrs. Park looked sweet and gentle---with his large, creepy eyes---Chanyeol didn't. But then he smiled an awfully wide smile, with his right eye twitching, and Baekhyun couldn't help but smile in return.
"You're small," was the first thing Chanyeol said.
"You look really creepy," he replied and they have been best friends ever since.
Baekhyun's lips curve softly as he recalls the warm carefree summers, long cold winters and fun colorful springs they spent together until his recollections take him to one of their last childhood memories.
Because I really love you, Baekhyun! It's a promise.
He can't seem to get those words out of his mind even though Chanyeol has not mentioned them ever since. It's been some time now since Chanyeol came back and he knows there's no use dwelling on the past. He also knows it's silly to trust a twelve-year-old's declaration of love. He knows. But Baekhyun's afraid that his heart didn't grow up, that it's still the twelve-year-old one that skipped a beat when Chanyeol said he’d marry him. His heart does the same skip when Chanyeol's near, when Chanyeol says Baekhyun's name and when Chanyeol places his arms on Baekhyun's shoulders.
Although there are times when Chanyeol ruffles his hair affectionately and even surprises him with a hug when they meet, Chanyeol clearly doesn't love him. Because if he did, he would've already told Baekhyun, right? The Chanyeol he knows is never shy. Something as important as that... Baekhyun lifts his head from the table only to drop it again. Maybe hitting his head on a hard surface could stop this confusion he feels.
His phone suddenly vibrates and it's a call from his best friend. Just what I needed, he tells himself sarcastically. "Hello?"
"Hey, Baek! What are you doing?" He imagines his friend grinning from ear to ear just by the sound of his deep voice.
"I'm..."--thinking about you-- "...studying."
"Oh, Can you come down for a minute? I'm here outside."
"Huh?" Baekhyun quickly goes to look out the window. He can see Chanyeol waving at him. "I'll be down." He ends the call and hurries down the stairs. He stops just by the door and takes a deep breath to calm himself. Why is he even nervous? This is just Chanyeol. Just Chanyeol, he repeats. But his hands still shake a little when he exits the front gates. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a shift tonight."
Chanyeol grins sheepishly at him. "I came to return these," he says as he waves Baekhyun's notes.
"You could've just returned them tomorrow, you know." He reaches for his notes but Chanyeol moves them out of his reach teasingly.
"What do i get in exchange for them?"
Baekhyun tries to snatch them but his friend is distressingly tall. "Nothing, stupid. They're mine to begin with."
"But I came all the way to return them tonight." Chanyeol pouts and Baekhyun thinks it's unfair how annoying and adorable Chanyeol can be at the same time. Baekhyun jumps to reach for the notebook.
"Not my fault why you---Chanyeol!" Baekhyun crosses his arms over his chest because Chanyeol goes up on his tiptoes to keep the notes away from Baekhyun's grasp as if he isn't tall enough already.
"Okay, okay. I was teasing." Chanyeol hands Baekhyun the notebook and chucks him under the chin immediately after. "You're cute when you're angry."
Baekhyun can feel his cheeks burning and he's thankful that its dark outside so Chanyeol can't see how the words affected him. "I am not," he mumbles. Flustered, he says a quick goodnight and moves to go inside when Chanyeol's question stops him. "Baek, who is Jongin?"
He turns back, surprised. "He's a junior. You saw him earlier, we've got a class together."
Baekhyun can't see Chanyeol's expression when he asks, "He's just your classmate?"
He shrugs. "He's also a friend, I suppose."
"So he's just a classmate and a friend?"
"Why are you even asking about him?" Baekhyun's puzzled over how they ended up discussing Jongin. It's so out of the blue. Then a horrible idea enters his mind. Chanyeol can't have... He couldn't have... "Yeol, do you like him?"
"What? No!"
Baekhyun sees the clear denial on his best friend's face and he finally lets out an easy breath. "Then why---" He's interrupted by Chanyeol's laughter.
"It's nothing, Baekhyun. I was just curious." Although, Chanyeol can't seem to meet his eyes. He wants to question his friend further but Chanyeol chooses that moment to pinch his cheek hard and say, "Goodnight, shorty," before walking away without a backward glance. Baekhyun touches his abused cheek and wonders about what just happened. He watches the tall boy walk down the street until he can’t see him anymore.
Stop confusing me.
Exams are over and Baekhyun lies tiredly on his back on the auditorium stage. He wants to go home and sleep but he still has to help with the open house event the school is holding for prospective students. He has about ten minutes more before the other members of the stage committee arrive. He stares and counts the lights that dot the ceiling to pass the time.
During quiet moments, he thinks of Chanyeol. He remembers their conversation earlier. He doesn't want to admit it, but he misses his friend. The younger boy is busier with his part-time job these days and Baekhyun learns that it’s more painful to miss a person who is nearby than miss a person who's far away from you.
"Hey, Do you want to come over my house later?" he asks as he sits beside Chanyeol during lunch break. "My uncle got me a new game and I've got the house all to myself this afternoon so--"
"I can't."
Baekhyun's a little startled at how fast Chanyeol said no. "Oh. But I thought you don't have work on Wednesdays."
Chanyeol smiles at him but Baekhyun can see it’s strained. "I've got lots of stuff to do and I have to study for... for math."
"Then we can just study together. It's perfect since the house will be empty and--"
"Baek, I can't. Maybe next time? Um, I have to go somewhere." And the taller boy stands up, carrying his lunch tray and leaving Baekhyun gaping after him.
Baekhyun closes his eyes and admits to himself that he's hurt. The only conclusion he gets after hours of reliving all the times Chanyeol said no to his invitations is that his friend doesn't want to be with him. He thinks of what he might have done for Chanyeol to feel that way but he's at a loss.
Are you tired of me, Yeol? What happened to that promise, huh? He feels a stray tear roll down the side of his face. Baekhyun places his arms over his eyes because maybe that can stop him from shedding more.
"I thought you were dead,” a male voice says. Baekhyun peeks behind his arm to see Jongin sitting cross legged beside him. "I thought someone ran over you or something." The dark-skinned boy chuckles. "You look like roadkill."
Baekhyun doesn't think it possible but he can feel a smile tug at his lips.
"Oh, you smiled. I guess you're alive then," Jongin adds.
"You're early,” he tells Jongin as he sits up. "No one's supposed to be here yet."
"Hyung, is there something wrong?" There’s concern in the younger's tone.
"Everything's fine." He forces out a grin to reassure Jongin. "I'm alright." Baekhyun can still see doubt from the other's eyes but the boy thankfully just smirked at him.
"Okay. It's probably because you're getting old, right? Being all emotional and stuff."
"Kim Jongin, watch your mouth." Baekhyun flicks on the other's forehead causing the boy to wince in pain. Jongin continues with his teasing until the other members of the committee arrive. The meeting starts and Baekhyun gets further distracted from his thoughts. It's near eight in the evening when they finish, all exhausted but feeling accomplished.
"Uh, hyung, you'll get off at the sixth station right? We can go together since I'm going that way, too." Jongin offers Baekhyun once they got out of the school gates. He accepts the offer and Jongin regals him with stories so outrageous and funny that they spent almost the entire ride home laughing.
"Well, this is me." They stop in front of Baekhyun's house. "Thanks for today. It's really great talking with you. Maybe we should do this again?"
"Sure thing, hyung. We'll probably end up going home together again tomorrow anyway since we'll start working on the stage." Jongin waves a goodbye and Baekhyun does the same. He likes how Jongin readily accepted his invitation, as if he really wants to spend time with Baekhyun. Unlike Chanyeol. Maybe it's time he looked for a new best friend.
"Hey, Baek." Chanyeol's deep voice pierces through his thoughts and Baekhyun realizes that taller boy's there not three feet away from him. "You came home late?"
"I was at the stage committee meeting."
Chanyeol steps closer. "Oh. You were with your friend, Jongin?"
"Yes, he's a member of the committee, too. We went home together. He’s really fun to be with." Baekhyun doesn't know why he felt the need to add that last part. Is it because he wants his best friend to know that he can have fun even without him? Or is he trying to make Chanyeol feel jealous?
"Yeah? That's good then." Chanyeol comes closer still until he's only one step away from him. Baekhyun looks up at his face, a little disconcerted at their proximity. The taller boy just stands there, staring at him, and Baekhyun can't bear the silence so he asks, "Why are you here?"
"I just--" Chanyeol says quietly, his deep voice becoming even deeper. Baekhyun's insides begin to twist. He sees Chanyeol's arms rise and then he feels something soft covering his head. He realizes it's a beanie as he raises his hand to touch it. Chanyeol pulls the knitted hat lower until it covers the tops of Baekhyun's ears. "At lunch, I saw your ears were freezing. I knew you hated being cold so I bought this." Chanyeol arranges Baekhyun's hair as he speaks. His touch is gentle as his fingers brush across the shorter boy's forehead. "Really, Baek, you should take better care of yourself." He cups Baekhyun's face with one hand and his thumb caresses a smooth cheek before he lets go. "There, all warm and pretty."
Just like that, Baekhyun's all confused again. "Chanyeol, I--"
"You're welcome. See you tomorrow?" His best friend says, hopeful.
"Okay."
Later in bed, Baekhyun is still holding onto the beanie, hugging it close to his chest. It's blue, his favorite color. Chanyeol remembers. Baekhyun, once again, hopes that his friend will remember other things, too. More precious things... like love confessions and pinky promises.
Chanyeol still doesn't accept Baekhyun's invitations to come over his house. Baekhyun tells himself it's okay since Chanyeol does come by his house almost every night anyway, returning his borrowed notes. Some nights he comes to ask pointless questions that make Baekhyun think Chanyeol's just making excuses to see him. He knows he's most probably deluding himself but it still feels nice every time he receives a message and he looks out the window to see Chanyeol waving at him.
part ii
pairings: baekhyun/chanyeol, (super uber squint squint ninja!kaisoo cause i say so)
rating: pg
length: 5800~
an: for dee, i hope ur happy. i agonized over this cause i cant write for shit
an i: loosely based on the manga Kamisama Ga Yadoru by Chidori Peko
an ii: happy bday chanyeol and for my precious baekyeol lemme be flower gull at ur wedding y'hear?
an iii: also thanks to airplanewishes and lababoreine ♥ for beta-ing and i offer all this suckiness to all the baekyeol shippers, bless us ;;;;
"God lives in every word so you must never tell lies." Grandma Byun says as she sits on her rocking chair while the two young boys sat on the floor of the living room, hanging on to the old lady's every word. They always spend afternoons like this; Baekhyun invites Chanyeol over to his house after school where they eat snacks before settling down in the living room to listen to his grandmama's stories. She tells them a new one each day, more interesting and beautiful than the last. There are stories of adventure, of discovering places beyond this world. Stories of friendship and of love ever after. Each one is a life's lesson she urges them to take to heart.
Twelve-year-old Baekhyun asks his grandmother. "Does God live in my words, too?"
"Of course, dear."
"How 'bout mine, grandma?" Chanyeol scoots closer to the rocking chair, eager to hear the answer.
"Yes, so remember never to lie." The old woman says with a fond smile.
The taller boy nods enthusiastically before facing his friend. "We're going away soon. But I'll definitely come back." Chanyeol places his hand on top of Baekhyun's. "And then I'll marry you."
"Ya! What are you saying?" Baekhyun feels warmth spread across his plump cheeks.
"But It's true. Because I really love you, Baekhyun!" Chanyeol hooks their pinkies together. "It's a promise."
When Chanyeol returns one summer day, he's changed. Baekhyun doesn't recognize him when he opens the door to find a tall, lanky teen in his doorstep. He peers up at the face of a boy a head taller than himself.
Baekhyun's eyes widen as the boy suddenly gathers him into a bear hug, lifting him up until only his toes are touching the ground. "Baekhyun-ah!" Baekhyun can feel a tingling in his spine as the boy's deep voice hit a chord of recognition. He pulls back a little from the stranger's tight grip and it is then that he clearly sees his face. Those eyes and that smile.
"Ch-Chanyeol?" he asks in wonder. Gone is the baby fat to be replaced by slender limbs in a camouflage-patterned hoodie and long, skinny legs covered in worn blue jeans. "Is it really you?"
"Yes!" And he pulls Baekhyun into another bone-crushing embrace before letting go and looking over Baekhyun's head. "Where's everybody?"
Baekhyun's voice sounds breathless when he answers. "Um, they're still at work."
"Oh," Chanyeol says disappointedly but smiles quickly again. "Take me to grandma, then."
The taller boy holds on to Baekhyun's hand and walks past him into the house. Baekhyun closes the door with his free hand before he gets dragged all the way inside. He is still too surprised to do anything but follow behind Chanyeol and stare at their linked hands. It's been so long since the last time he found his hand enveloped within Chanyeol's warm ones. But he remembers this warmth. It is then that it finally hits him. After five years, Chanyeol's back.
"Where should---?"
"The door to your right." Baekhyun answers. Chanyeol lets go of his hand to slide the door open. He looks at Baekhyun, his eyes asking for permission. "Go ahead."
He enters the room behind Chanyeol. Baekhyun stares as his friend kneels before his grandmother's photograph. The boy bows deeply before speaking. "I'm here grandma. I---" There's a pause where Baekhyun can hear a faint sniffle. "I'm sorry I didn't return soon. I miss you a lot."
His vision starts to blur as Chanyeol continues. "I've been fine. And see, grandma? I kept my promise. I'm here and I've returned for good."
Baekhyun's heart slams in his chest as he hears the word promise.
And then I'll marry you... Because I really love you, Baekhyun! It's a promise.
He gets snatched from his memories when Chanyeol stands up and walks towards him. "I know I already said it but... I'm back."
Baekhyun looks at his best friend's eyes. The last time he was able to do that was the day Chanyeol's family moved away. They were both in tears as they said their goodbyes. Now, he's happy his friend is back but he feels there's still something missing.
Chanyeol, what of the other promise? Have you forgotten about it? He wants to ask those questions but instead he says, "Welcome home, Chanyeol."
The crisp afternoon air nips into Baekhyun's fair skin. He can feel winter approaching even through his thick navy blue uniform. He really doesn't like the cold. He rubs the tops of his ears to keep them warm and sighs as he enters the Science building for his last class for the day. Exams are coming and there's a whole lot of stuff to review. He's so tired these days, what with studying and the school project he's been helping out on to receive extra credit.
He is about to round a corner when a big hand holds on to the back of his neck making him jump and yelp in surprise. "Boo!" A deep voice says against his ear and Baekhyun cringes as warm breath touches a sensitive part of his neck.
"Ya, Park Chanyeol!" Baekhyun elbows the tall boy beside him. "Get your hands off me!"
Chanyeol chuckles and gives Baekhyun's neck a last tickling squeeze before letting go. "You're no fun, Baek."
"I would appreciate it if I'm not the one you always make fun of," Baekhyun says and continues walking.
Chanyeol catches up to him with his long strides. He pouts and playfully nudges the smaller boy's shoulder. "You never minded before."
Baekhyun rolls his eyes at Chanyeol. "Who said I didn't mind? I did. It's just that I can defend myself better now."
"Oh, really now."
"Yes, I'm older and I learned Hapkido. I didn't just sit around while you were gone, you know. I also--" Baekhyun is too busy with his monologue to notice the mischievous glint in his best friend's eyes. He yelps for the second time when Chanyeol wraps his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders and leans down to blow directly at the back of his neck this time. "Ya!"
He tries to squirm away but Chanyeol's grip is tight. He hears his friend laugh after every puff of air against his nape. For all his resistance, Baekhyun's really ticklish there so he can't help but giggle. "Chanyeol, s-stop it!"
But Chanyeol doesn't stop and instead pulls him closer, clearly enjoying it. "Nope!" the boy says and continues his attack. Baekhyun did train in martial arts and he can easily defend himself but for some reason his knees feel weak. He isn't even really trying to push Chanyeol away.
"Baekhyun-hyung?"
The both of them pause to look up at the owner of the voice. Baekhyun sees Jongin, a junior who shares an Advance Biology class with him. "Jongin-ssi." Baekhyun uses the opportunity to step away from Chanyeol. "Hey."
Jongin shifts his gaze from him to Chanyeol and back again, probably wondering why two seniors are acting like children and on the school corridors no less. "Uh, I was on my way to class. You want to walk together?"
"Uh, sure," Baekhyun answers. He looks at Chanyeol who appears to be studying Jongin. "Chanyeol, I’ve got to go."
"Wait!" His best friend holds onto his arm. "Uh, can I borrow your English notes?"
"Notes? You didn't take down any again?" Baekhyun supposes he shouldn't have asked. Chanyeol borrows his notes every day since he started attending Baekhyun's high school this year. He rummages through his bag for his notebook and hands it over to his friend. "Here."
"Uh, it's Tuesday so I have a shift at the store today. I won't be able to return this until tomorrow."
"It's okay. I already studied for that anyway." Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol and waits for him to say something more since he didn't move to go. "Do you need anything else?" he asks after an awkward pause.
The taller boy darts a last glance at Jongin before looking at Baekhyun. "Nothing else." Then Chanyeol gives him his signature grin and waves before walking away. Baekhyun's eyes follow his friend's retreating back and he wonders why he feels something's amiss.
"Hyung?"
Baekhyun shakes his head and walks together with Jongin, his mind still on Chanyeol.
Chanyeol invades Baekhyun's thoughts in the most inopportune times. Like right now, when he should be busy studying instead of reminiscing about running and playing at the park, about rocking chairs and homemade biscuits. He can't seem to stop it. He sees Chanyeol's face when he closes his eyes. His large brown eyes, straight nose and lips that stretches over perfect white teeth when he smiles. He lays his head on his study table and remembers the first time they met.
Chanyeol was hiding behind his mother’s skirt as they stood in the doorway and Baekhyun was holding onto his mother's as Mrs. Byun gave them a home cooked casserole meant as a welcoming gift for their new neighbors. Chanyeol was almost of the same age, only a few months younger, but he was already taller than Baekhyun. His mother introduced him to the Parks and Baekhyun was kind of nervous because although Mr. and Mrs. Park looked sweet and gentle---with his large, creepy eyes---Chanyeol didn't. But then he smiled an awfully wide smile, with his right eye twitching, and Baekhyun couldn't help but smile in return.
"You're small," was the first thing Chanyeol said.
"You look really creepy," he replied and they have been best friends ever since.
Baekhyun's lips curve softly as he recalls the warm carefree summers, long cold winters and fun colorful springs they spent together until his recollections take him to one of their last childhood memories.
Because I really love you, Baekhyun! It's a promise.
He can't seem to get those words out of his mind even though Chanyeol has not mentioned them ever since. It's been some time now since Chanyeol came back and he knows there's no use dwelling on the past. He also knows it's silly to trust a twelve-year-old's declaration of love. He knows. But Baekhyun's afraid that his heart didn't grow up, that it's still the twelve-year-old one that skipped a beat when Chanyeol said he’d marry him. His heart does the same skip when Chanyeol's near, when Chanyeol says Baekhyun's name and when Chanyeol places his arms on Baekhyun's shoulders.
Although there are times when Chanyeol ruffles his hair affectionately and even surprises him with a hug when they meet, Chanyeol clearly doesn't love him. Because if he did, he would've already told Baekhyun, right? The Chanyeol he knows is never shy. Something as important as that... Baekhyun lifts his head from the table only to drop it again. Maybe hitting his head on a hard surface could stop this confusion he feels.
His phone suddenly vibrates and it's a call from his best friend. Just what I needed, he tells himself sarcastically. "Hello?"
"Hey, Baek! What are you doing?" He imagines his friend grinning from ear to ear just by the sound of his deep voice.
"I'm..."--thinking about you-- "...studying."
"Oh, Can you come down for a minute? I'm here outside."
"Huh?" Baekhyun quickly goes to look out the window. He can see Chanyeol waving at him. "I'll be down." He ends the call and hurries down the stairs. He stops just by the door and takes a deep breath to calm himself. Why is he even nervous? This is just Chanyeol. Just Chanyeol, he repeats. But his hands still shake a little when he exits the front gates. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a shift tonight."
Chanyeol grins sheepishly at him. "I came to return these," he says as he waves Baekhyun's notes.
"You could've just returned them tomorrow, you know." He reaches for his notes but Chanyeol moves them out of his reach teasingly.
"What do i get in exchange for them?"
Baekhyun tries to snatch them but his friend is distressingly tall. "Nothing, stupid. They're mine to begin with."
"But I came all the way to return them tonight." Chanyeol pouts and Baekhyun thinks it's unfair how annoying and adorable Chanyeol can be at the same time. Baekhyun jumps to reach for the notebook.
"Not my fault why you---Chanyeol!" Baekhyun crosses his arms over his chest because Chanyeol goes up on his tiptoes to keep the notes away from Baekhyun's grasp as if he isn't tall enough already.
"Okay, okay. I was teasing." Chanyeol hands Baekhyun the notebook and chucks him under the chin immediately after. "You're cute when you're angry."
Baekhyun can feel his cheeks burning and he's thankful that its dark outside so Chanyeol can't see how the words affected him. "I am not," he mumbles. Flustered, he says a quick goodnight and moves to go inside when Chanyeol's question stops him. "Baek, who is Jongin?"
He turns back, surprised. "He's a junior. You saw him earlier, we've got a class together."
Baekhyun can't see Chanyeol's expression when he asks, "He's just your classmate?"
He shrugs. "He's also a friend, I suppose."
"So he's just a classmate and a friend?"
"Why are you even asking about him?" Baekhyun's puzzled over how they ended up discussing Jongin. It's so out of the blue. Then a horrible idea enters his mind. Chanyeol can't have... He couldn't have... "Yeol, do you like him?"
"What? No!"
Baekhyun sees the clear denial on his best friend's face and he finally lets out an easy breath. "Then why---" He's interrupted by Chanyeol's laughter.
"It's nothing, Baekhyun. I was just curious." Although, Chanyeol can't seem to meet his eyes. He wants to question his friend further but Chanyeol chooses that moment to pinch his cheek hard and say, "Goodnight, shorty," before walking away without a backward glance. Baekhyun touches his abused cheek and wonders about what just happened. He watches the tall boy walk down the street until he can’t see him anymore.
Stop confusing me.
Exams are over and Baekhyun lies tiredly on his back on the auditorium stage. He wants to go home and sleep but he still has to help with the open house event the school is holding for prospective students. He has about ten minutes more before the other members of the stage committee arrive. He stares and counts the lights that dot the ceiling to pass the time.
During quiet moments, he thinks of Chanyeol. He remembers their conversation earlier. He doesn't want to admit it, but he misses his friend. The younger boy is busier with his part-time job these days and Baekhyun learns that it’s more painful to miss a person who is nearby than miss a person who's far away from you.
"Hey, Do you want to come over my house later?" he asks as he sits beside Chanyeol during lunch break. "My uncle got me a new game and I've got the house all to myself this afternoon so--"
"I can't."
Baekhyun's a little startled at how fast Chanyeol said no. "Oh. But I thought you don't have work on Wednesdays."
Chanyeol smiles at him but Baekhyun can see it’s strained. "I've got lots of stuff to do and I have to study for... for math."
"Then we can just study together. It's perfect since the house will be empty and--"
"Baek, I can't. Maybe next time? Um, I have to go somewhere." And the taller boy stands up, carrying his lunch tray and leaving Baekhyun gaping after him.
Baekhyun closes his eyes and admits to himself that he's hurt. The only conclusion he gets after hours of reliving all the times Chanyeol said no to his invitations is that his friend doesn't want to be with him. He thinks of what he might have done for Chanyeol to feel that way but he's at a loss.
Are you tired of me, Yeol? What happened to that promise, huh? He feels a stray tear roll down the side of his face. Baekhyun places his arms over his eyes because maybe that can stop him from shedding more.
"I thought you were dead,” a male voice says. Baekhyun peeks behind his arm to see Jongin sitting cross legged beside him. "I thought someone ran over you or something." The dark-skinned boy chuckles. "You look like roadkill."
Baekhyun doesn't think it possible but he can feel a smile tug at his lips.
"Oh, you smiled. I guess you're alive then," Jongin adds.
"You're early,” he tells Jongin as he sits up. "No one's supposed to be here yet."
"Hyung, is there something wrong?" There’s concern in the younger's tone.
"Everything's fine." He forces out a grin to reassure Jongin. "I'm alright." Baekhyun can still see doubt from the other's eyes but the boy thankfully just smirked at him.
"Okay. It's probably because you're getting old, right? Being all emotional and stuff."
"Kim Jongin, watch your mouth." Baekhyun flicks on the other's forehead causing the boy to wince in pain. Jongin continues with his teasing until the other members of the committee arrive. The meeting starts and Baekhyun gets further distracted from his thoughts. It's near eight in the evening when they finish, all exhausted but feeling accomplished.
"Uh, hyung, you'll get off at the sixth station right? We can go together since I'm going that way, too." Jongin offers Baekhyun once they got out of the school gates. He accepts the offer and Jongin regals him with stories so outrageous and funny that they spent almost the entire ride home laughing.
"Well, this is me." They stop in front of Baekhyun's house. "Thanks for today. It's really great talking with you. Maybe we should do this again?"
"Sure thing, hyung. We'll probably end up going home together again tomorrow anyway since we'll start working on the stage." Jongin waves a goodbye and Baekhyun does the same. He likes how Jongin readily accepted his invitation, as if he really wants to spend time with Baekhyun. Unlike Chanyeol. Maybe it's time he looked for a new best friend.
"Hey, Baek." Chanyeol's deep voice pierces through his thoughts and Baekhyun realizes that taller boy's there not three feet away from him. "You came home late?"
"I was at the stage committee meeting."
Chanyeol steps closer. "Oh. You were with your friend, Jongin?"
"Yes, he's a member of the committee, too. We went home together. He’s really fun to be with." Baekhyun doesn't know why he felt the need to add that last part. Is it because he wants his best friend to know that he can have fun even without him? Or is he trying to make Chanyeol feel jealous?
"Yeah? That's good then." Chanyeol comes closer still until he's only one step away from him. Baekhyun looks up at his face, a little disconcerted at their proximity. The taller boy just stands there, staring at him, and Baekhyun can't bear the silence so he asks, "Why are you here?"
"I just--" Chanyeol says quietly, his deep voice becoming even deeper. Baekhyun's insides begin to twist. He sees Chanyeol's arms rise and then he feels something soft covering his head. He realizes it's a beanie as he raises his hand to touch it. Chanyeol pulls the knitted hat lower until it covers the tops of Baekhyun's ears. "At lunch, I saw your ears were freezing. I knew you hated being cold so I bought this." Chanyeol arranges Baekhyun's hair as he speaks. His touch is gentle as his fingers brush across the shorter boy's forehead. "Really, Baek, you should take better care of yourself." He cups Baekhyun's face with one hand and his thumb caresses a smooth cheek before he lets go. "There, all warm and pretty."
Just like that, Baekhyun's all confused again. "Chanyeol, I--"
"You're welcome. See you tomorrow?" His best friend says, hopeful.
"Okay."
Later in bed, Baekhyun is still holding onto the beanie, hugging it close to his chest. It's blue, his favorite color. Chanyeol remembers. Baekhyun, once again, hopes that his friend will remember other things, too. More precious things... like love confessions and pinky promises.
Chanyeol still doesn't accept Baekhyun's invitations to come over his house. Baekhyun tells himself it's okay since Chanyeol does come by his house almost every night anyway, returning his borrowed notes. Some nights he comes to ask pointless questions that make Baekhyun think Chanyeol's just making excuses to see him. He knows he's most probably deluding himself but it still feels nice every time he receives a message and he looks out the window to see Chanyeol waving at him.
part ii