(no subject)
i don't understand what's wrong with me. i feel so sad and angry ALL the time. i don't want to do anything anymore and i can't remember the last time i felt genuinely happy. i know i need to do things to get my mind off of what's bothering me, but everything reminds me of what hurts the most. i know i need my friends and family, but i just push them away for fear that i will bring down their moods, too. i'm so frustrated that i can't be a stronger person. i'm jealous when i shouldn't be jealous, i'm angry over things that i can't control, everything makes me sad and i just want to be happy again. i really am trying and i know that some may not think so. i don't know what to do about anything in my life and i just want someone to give me all the answers. i wanted this summer to be better than last and it just hasn't, at all. i want to turn back time so that i could have got better grades, saved more money, saved relationships that i've lost and so that i could have made myself a better person. i'm mad at myself and there's no one else to blame for what's wrong in my life except for me. i just want to be all right again. i want to be happy. i want to smile and mean it. i want my life back.