In which Sean squeezes one more post out of Susan Boyle
I have a friend who, in light of some recent romantic troubles, needs distraction. And as someone who makes a living...albeit a non-paying one...by making a fool out of himself, I thought I could provide one for him. So I suggested we go do karaoke at a local den of buggery (that's "gay bar," for you unannointed). After all, if ONE dumpy spinster of Scots-Irish heritage can join the illustrious ranks of the glitterati, imagine what TWO can do! I'm thinking Donnie and Marie with more whisky and less incest.
This was a bad idea for both of us.
For his part, it turns out that these "song" things frequently occupy themselves with heartbreak, unrequited love, and other figurative kicks-in-the-balls. Songs like "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by my boo Bonnie Tyler, which as far as I can tell is some kind of fag hag detector, since I have never seen another demographic elect to sing it. Suffice it to say: this music does not help when you're already crying by the phone in your prom dress.
For my part...
All y'all know that beneath my badly-feigned sophistication, I'm actually a trashy 5-year-old who craves attention/alcohol like Suze Orman craves peroxide. Which means that even though I will profess a deep and abiding appreciation for, say, Kindertotenlieder to anyone who will listen, I'm much more likely to go around begging strangers to sing Disney songs with me (I'm too shy to sing solo, see, but I also identify strongly with redheads who use shells to cover their mams). BTW, the question "will you be my princess" is not a good way to make this request at a gay bar, but it is a great way to get beaten/arrested.
That said, I was more than a little hurt when this lilliputian countertenor approached one of my fucking friends to sing some crap showtune from Little Shop of Horrors instead of me. WHAT GIVES I AM SOOOO MUCH MORE A SEYMOUR THAN THAT GUY
This Moment in Homosexuality brought to you by Chase.
This was a bad idea for both of us.
For his part, it turns out that these "song" things frequently occupy themselves with heartbreak, unrequited love, and other figurative kicks-in-the-balls. Songs like "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by my boo Bonnie Tyler, which as far as I can tell is some kind of fag hag detector, since I have never seen another demographic elect to sing it. Suffice it to say: this music does not help when you're already crying by the phone in your prom dress.
For my part...
All y'all know that beneath my badly-feigned sophistication, I'm actually a trashy 5-year-old who craves attention/alcohol like Suze Orman craves peroxide. Which means that even though I will profess a deep and abiding appreciation for, say, Kindertotenlieder to anyone who will listen, I'm much more likely to go around begging strangers to sing Disney songs with me (I'm too shy to sing solo, see, but I also identify strongly with redheads who use shells to cover their mams). BTW, the question "will you be my princess" is not a good way to make this request at a gay bar, but it is a great way to get beaten/arrested.
That said, I was more than a little hurt when this lilliputian countertenor approached one of my fucking friends to sing some crap showtune from Little Shop of Horrors instead of me. WHAT GIVES I AM SOOOO MUCH MORE A SEYMOUR THAN THAT GUY
This Moment in Homosexuality brought to you by Chase.