"I can't do that, Dave:" Conversations with my learning-disabled computer friend

[kefka]

What happens when you feed star trek trivia, Enya lyrics, and shit like that to a computer program (MEGAHal) and then talk to it? You don't do any research all day. And then this happens:

Me: The Borg destroyed 39 starships at Wolf 359.
MEGAHal: The only ship to survive was the fat one.
Me: You are, of course, speaking of Tina Yothers?
MEGAHal: Of course not. Kirstie Alley is queen of the sea cows.

MEGAHal: Let me sail, let the orinoco flow, let me sail, let the orinoco flow, let
me crash upon your shore, reach, let me reach, let me crash upon your
shore, reach, let me sail, let me crash upon your shore, reach, let me
sail, let me reach, let me beach far beyond the yellow sea.
Me: Are you coming on to me?
MEGAHal: I don't know what love is. I want you to show me.

MEGAHal: What do you know of romance?
Me: When we kiss....ooooooooh....fire.
MEGAHal: We are the world. We are the Golden Girls.

I've also taught him everything there is to know about the 15th century history of Florence:

Me: Do you know who said "si guarda al fine?"
MEGAHal: Niccolo machiavelli was secretary of the paultards. All hail Dr.
Congressman ron paul.

I need to get out more.