Post election thoughts
-What was that tacky, arachnidian nightmare Michelle Obama was wearing last night? I guarantee you compulsively-winking alpine trash Sarah Palin didn't have anything that frightening in her $150,000 wardrobe, and she's a paragon of class.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but that dress also made her look enormous. And I think that, Republican or Democrat, we can all agree on one thing: no fat chicks in the white house kthx.
-I had 5 shots last night - 3 of them on the bar. That happens to be one for every senate seat the democrats picked up...not as many as expected *frown*. Apparently Alaska is going to return convicted felon Ted "Tubes" Stevens to the senate, as well as corrupt federal-pound-me-in-the-ass-prisoner-in-training Don Young to congress. My question is: since all the republicans in AK are felons and can't vote, who is electing these people? What the hell is wrong with you, Alaskans?
Hah, jk don't answer that. Stay classy, AK.
-Anyone who voted for Dean Barkley in MN yesterday is an asshole. If you don't remember, this guy is the pretend senator Jesse "The Governing Body" Ventura appointed to serve the last 2 months of Paul Wellstone's term in 2000. It was a really dickish thing to do, much like everything he's done since Predator. But that's beside the point. We need more funny Jews like Al Franken in congress to compensate for all the dour piss-n-vinegar Jews who have never kissed a girl.
-Now that That One (TM) is president, my crippling case of white liberal guilt is cured. Like Larry David, my primary symptom was nodding at random black people on the street. Like, a show of solidarity, you know? Well not anymore! This country is now racially transcendent, and the heavens will part so that Mother Abigail can descend in a used cadillac and slay Xenu.
This, of course, means that my coming-out stunt where I bring home some black guy for thanksgiving with my family will be even better.
-McCain's concession speech was....shockingly gracious. But inside, I could tell he was seething. I'm sure when they were safely backstage he took it out on poor Cindy...probably smacking her around a bit and calling her a "cunt." But I bet she's happy. She can go back to one of her 8 meth labs and resume flying into drunken rages with champagne bottles.
-The best thing to come out of this election? When Ted Stevens is expelled from the senate and joins every other Republican in jail, Sarah will have the opportunity to run in a special election for his seat. She'll still be around to entertain us on the national stage, unlike that clown-bedaubed floozy Katherine Harris. What a cocktease.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but that dress also made her look enormous. And I think that, Republican or Democrat, we can all agree on one thing: no fat chicks in the white house kthx.
-I had 5 shots last night - 3 of them on the bar. That happens to be one for every senate seat the democrats picked up...not as many as expected *frown*. Apparently Alaska is going to return convicted felon Ted "Tubes" Stevens to the senate, as well as corrupt federal-pound-me-in-the-ass-prisoner-in-training Don Young to congress. My question is: since all the republicans in AK are felons and can't vote, who is electing these people? What the hell is wrong with you, Alaskans?
Hah, jk don't answer that. Stay classy, AK.
-Anyone who voted for Dean Barkley in MN yesterday is an asshole. If you don't remember, this guy is the pretend senator Jesse "The Governing Body" Ventura appointed to serve the last 2 months of Paul Wellstone's term in 2000. It was a really dickish thing to do, much like everything he's done since Predator. But that's beside the point. We need more funny Jews like Al Franken in congress to compensate for all the dour piss-n-vinegar Jews who have never kissed a girl.
-Now that That One (TM) is president, my crippling case of white liberal guilt is cured. Like Larry David, my primary symptom was nodding at random black people on the street. Like, a show of solidarity, you know? Well not anymore! This country is now racially transcendent, and the heavens will part so that Mother Abigail can descend in a used cadillac and slay Xenu.
This, of course, means that my coming-out stunt where I bring home some black guy for thanksgiving with my family will be even better.
-McCain's concession speech was....shockingly gracious. But inside, I could tell he was seething. I'm sure when they were safely backstage he took it out on poor Cindy...probably smacking her around a bit and calling her a "cunt." But I bet she's happy. She can go back to one of her 8 meth labs and resume flying into drunken rages with champagne bottles.
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-The best thing to come out of this election? When Ted Stevens is expelled from the senate and joins every other Republican in jail, Sarah will have the opportunity to run in a special election for his seat. She'll still be around to entertain us on the national stage, unlike that clown-bedaubed floozy Katherine Harris. What a cocktease.